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I thought I would have my laughing done after the walks, but then Jay told everybody to pick up a skirt and a hat. See, you have to be able to pull off a character, and they need the girls to be a little more over the top. If by "over the top" they mean "flailing around like you've been hit with a tazer," then the girls really did a great job. I wasn't expecting miracles, and some of them weren't that bad. We had a few Elaine Benes specials, some drunk in Cancun wet t-shirt contest shakes, and even a few that looked like they knew what they were doing, but then there was Sarah and Kim. I have seen people who have told me that they have no rhythm, and they weren't as bad as either of these two. Jay called Sarah one big ball of confusion, which could describe her walk, her dance, and her own sexual awareness.

Some might like to call these girls stupid, but a number of them realized that it might be a good idea to practice their walks. If Jay gave them a lesson, what are the chances that they will be asked to apply that lesson and be judged on it? It's like those chemistry labs in college. If you had to learn about some reaction, it was going to be on the test. But instead of picking a lab partner and studying for her exam, Kim decides to stick with a subject she knows well: getting girls to love her. This means more flirting with Sarah, and even though she knows that it might be confusing for Sarah, even mentioning that she is used to straight girls getting crushes on her, she makes her breakfast, and prepares an omelet, cracking eggs mere inches away from Sarah's ass, which was resting upon the kitchen counter. (Don't worry, Kim told us she always cleans the kitchen, especially after sex.) It turns into breakfast in bed, and more confusion for Sarah, who says it is strange to say that she has feelings for another girl.

The Western Omelet: an underrated aphrodisiac.

While Kim was deciding whether she should use the willow or the spinal tap on Sarah, Cassandra was worried that Tyra would make good on her promise and cut her hair even shorter. She knew that she might have to go home if she said no to another haircut, and it was quickly becoming a question of her commitment. If you really want to be a model, just cut your hair and shut up. Cassandra tried to get some moral support from her mom, but her mom wasn't having any of it, telling her that she is not standing up for any principle, she is just being vain. Still, nobody had said anything yet, so maybe they would forget.

The next task on the list was advanced runway walking with Sue Wong, who will be played by Margaret Cho in the Lifetime movie of her life. Yes, I know Ms. Notorious is Korean and Sue Wong is Chinese, but do you really think it is going to be possible for Lucy Liu or Ming Na to put on 100lbs to pull it off? I didn't think so. How advanced was the runway they were going to be on? Well, there would be runway, but at the tip, there would be a rotating platform.

Having the platform move proved quite difficult for a number of the girls. They all had to wear one of Sue's very dramatic and elegant (her description, not mine) evening ensembles and walk down the runway assuming the character that their gown represented. If they were unsure how they were supposed to act, Sue Wong let them know. "You are lovely Persian princess" or "You are a blushing Indian bride" or "You are marrying a man of 40 at age 12 because you marriage is arranged." She was really sure what she wanted, but to be honest a lot of the dresses looked the same, and everybody was more worried about not falling off the platform than putting on some awesome performance.

I can understand the reasoning behind some of the very elaborate and original runways they have used, but can somebody please tell me why the platform at the end rotated? They were told to stand in the middle and face one direction the whole time. I also thought this was a pretty boring challenge. If you hadn't figured it out yet, Sarah and Kim did the worst. Sarah thought she could help by walking slowly, but she was unlucky enough to have to deal with a gown that had a large train all while balancing the largest tiara EVER on her head. Even if there was one homecoming game per planet per century, it didn't justify a tiara the size that Sarah had on.

The winner of this challenge received a chance to wear a Sue Wong-designed gown for a very special evening on the town. This wasn't just any ordinary gown though, it was the one Tyra had worn to a special event, and the winner was able to pick not one, not two, but four close friends from among her roommates to go with her. Bre won the challenge easily, showing plenty of confidence imagining herself as Dorothy Dandridge. She picked Coryn, Kim, Nik, and Jayla to go with her, making them a sort of urban clique. When they were all picked up for dinner, they learned that they were going to be eating caviar for dinner. Somebody once told me to think of caviar or other fish roe as a fish, period, and it would go down easier. Obviously, they were trying to gross me out, and I never bothered getting my red wings, even if it was beluga caviar.

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Posted by J-Unit on October 10, 2005 12:55 PM