She Can't Handle the Tooth - 
by J-Unit
One of the most difficult parts about watching America's Next Top Model this year is that I knew that my favorite, Danielle, could not win. No, I haven't lost my love of all things Sara, but without the "h" she is somehow a little less appealing, not that I wouldn't return her phone calls should she decide semi-employed bloggers are better than Senator's aides. Sara doesn't have "it" like I think Danielle has "it". Danielle has been taking the most consistent pictures all year, has a great personality, and sort of actually cares about the other people in the competition. There's just a slight problem with that mug of hers, specifically the grill. She has a big gap in her teeth and in general, that's not a feature people associate with beauty. It's a problem Danielle doesn't suffer through alone; Joanie has a case of summer teeth: summer teeth go this way, summer teeth go that way. Personality can take you a long way in this competition, but it's not going to pay for eighteen hours in a dentist's chair, and it won't make you a Cover Girl.
The girls didn't really seem to notice Leslie's absence. Joanie was still raving about how much the judges loved her, Brooke was still talking about how bad her pictures looked and how she really needs to step it up, and Nnenna was still on the phone with her stupid boyfriend. We shouldn't worry too much about these little preliminaries too much because we had a lot to pack in this episode and we all know that I like to ramble on.
First stop this week was the Strausberg ad agency where the girls were to Deprise, the most sought after creative director in the entire modeling industry. She must get all of these jobs without people looking at her office, because it was an absolute dump. I mean, would you go to a dentist who had jacked teeth or hire a personal trainer that looked like Chris Farley? I guess I just don't understand the world of modeling.
After handing over their portfolio's the girls each had a private session with Deprise. The judges have been pretty harsh on these girls, but Deprise took brutally honest to another level. Janice Dickinson prides herself on being honest, but she has got nothing on Deprise who was quick to point out some of the flaws that we knew about, like the gap in Danielle's teeth, Brooke's masculine chin, and Furonda's anorexic-like look, but she was quick to point out flaws that I really didn't notice. She said Nnenna had a bit of a stomach, Joanie had big ears, and Sara's bottom lip was much bigger than her top lip. The girls didn't know if they should be angry or upset and after they finished, they all collected into a conference room and sort of waited for it all to be over. There wasn't enough confidence in that room to ask Gilbert Godfried out on a date. I always wonder how guys like John can get girls like Nnenna and I guess it means I should get a job at an ad agency to take advantage of moments like what just happened.
Do you like innies or outies
As upset as everybody was about somebody pointing out their worst attributes, they knew they could all sit back and await the joy of watching Jade as she came out of the room. Jade does not take criticism well, even when people know what they are talking about, so I'm sure they were expecting Jade to go absolutely mental and throw a chair or something. The actual result was quite different. Jade went in and Deprise was harsh, but Jade said that she has worked for along time so she is used to that "cut throatedness", much like we are used to her "dumb bitchedness". Made up words or not, Jade did very well. Deprise liked how Jade "owns who she is", which is a nice way of saying that she is conceited, and that Jade is not phased by anything, probably because she is used to people telling that she is ugly.
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