Before I get into the heart of my recap, let me take a little time to talk about the new intro. As I mentioned last week, Tyra admitted that it was her own voice belting out the lyrics to the ANTM theme song. I don't what to say about the actual quality of the song or anything, but if you're anything like me, you have absolutely no problem hearing Tyra say "You wanna be on top?" over and over again. Week after week. Year after year. It's almost as if she was right there on the couch next to me when I'm watching... ahhh... Oh where were we? Anybody else need a cold shower?

As far as first episode eliminations go, Chrisitan is probably among the top three, but let's be honest, we are pretty much used to this shit by now, aren't we? Melrose was very happy, as you would expect, but being so close to elimination put her in tears. I think that most of the girls were just happy that they didn't have to face elimination, but Monique was not buying into this whole "tears" thing. She said that Melrose's tears weren't real and that overall Melrose was very fake. Melrose might not be one of my favorites, but I don't think that she has come off as fake. Monique, on the other hand, is just piling up the bitchy stats. If ANTM was a football game, her helmet would have a bunch of those merit stickers, as long as they gave merit stickers for being a huge bitch.

Our first Tyra mail of the day informed the girls that Tyra needs two glasses of freshly squeezed orange juice every morning to get her through the day. Looking at Tyra these days, I think she is washing that OJ down with some bacon, but overall, pretty good words to live by. The rest of the message informed the girls that they would be going somewhere for breakfast early in the morning. I am sure that there are many out there enlist the aid of an alarm clock to make sure they get up with enough time to look their best, and for the most part society has learned to live with the minor drawbacks of alarm clocks because we would rather not be late for work, dentist visits, or mystic tan appointments. Monique is not one of those people.

What the hell is Melrose looking at?

After taking the proper time to primp and whatnot, the girls made their way to the Oliver Cafe in Beverly Hills. This is usually one of the places where the producers drop an unexpected Tyra visit on us, unleashing the banshee screams of all the girls. Instead, we got a visit from the JV squad, namely Jay Manuel and Miss J. Jay seems to have a little more say in what's going on, and as you know from my recap last week, I think some of the power has gone to his head. He tells them to draw on their life experiences to motivate their modeling, noting that the most difficult emotion to establish in a photo is vulnerability. If you can channel vulnerability, it will show in your photos. Nice words of advice and everything, but couldn't they have dusted off some old model and had her say all this? NIki Taylor is up and walking, right? Why not ask her?

However, most of the talk was about their makeovers, or lack thereof. Miss J made the comment that the girls are always so excited about their makeovers, but there is always somebody crying by the end of the episode. Jaeda heard this and said she was ready, she even said that they could cut off all of her hair and she wouldn't care. Actually she said they could shave her bald! Hmm, I wonder what the chances are that she gets a really short haircut and starts to cry?

Posted by J-Unit on September 28, 2006 10:49 PM