For Your Consideration: Paris, Lindsay, and an Amputee - 
by J-Unit
Ahhh, the Teen Choice Awards. Some may call it a pathetic warmup for the MTV Video Music Awards and The Emmy's. I call it likely the most exciting thing you are going to see at the Universal Amphitheater this year. And although we are unlikely to get such memorable moments as Kobe Bryant's clenched fist of protest/defiance seen at the 2003 version, we have to at least comment on a few things that caught or attention. Fresh back from the end of another successful season of The Simple Life, Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie hosted the show, arriving in their pickup from the show. OK, who am I kidding? I neither watched this show nor realized it existed. I first heard that it happened after hearing about a Teen People party going on someplace near Sunset Plaza. Then I happened to notice huge swaths of hipsters, not yet of drinking age, heading towards Shelter. It must have been some night.
If it wasn't for Amish in the City, I might have been able to give you more than an after the fact summation of events, but you'll have to deal. Isn't it amazing how far Lindsay Lohan has come since last year? In 2003, she was practically unnoticed, and almost shy during her appearance. Three movies, several breast accusations, and a couple of nipple shots later, she is now all growed up, and introducing Wilmer Valderrama to some of the most sought after freckled parts in the world. Although we love Lindsay here at TVgasm, we do wish she would tone down that orange glow she sports during awards ceremonies. We are starting to think she is auditioning for a remake of Krippendorf's Tribe. In any case, Lindsay has capitalized on all her appeal to the tune of four Teen Choice awards, including the best Hissy Fit and Blush in a movie.
Another group of folks moving on up is the OC. A year ago, most people would have said Ben Who? Mischa What? and That Jew-fro kid. Now Ben McKenzie, Mischa Barton and Adam Brody are on top of the television world, or at least that of NewsCorp.
If you decide you are going to steal the show with all these big names around, you had better bring a pretty big trump card, perhaps an Oscar or Emmy nomination or Grammy win to highlight the truly glorious of the gliterrati. Or, you can just show up to accept the Courage Award after losing ninety percent of your left arm to a shark attack. Yes, Bethany Hamilton, who made headlines when a shark ripped her arm off during surfing, made an appearance to accept her huge surfboard award in a moment of almost unprecedented TV irony. I can only imagine what Jessica Simpson said after she got a load of her.
Before I get myself into trouble, here are the rest of the winners:
Movie: Choice Date Movie 50 First Dates
Movie: Comedy Shrek 2
Movie: Thriller The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Movie: Actor: Comedy Adam Sandler (50 First Dates)
Movie: Actress: Comedy Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
TV Show: Drama/Action Adventure The O.C.
TV Show: Reality/Variety Punk'd
TV Show: Late Night Saturday Night Live
TV: Actor Drama/Action Adventure Adam Brody (The O.C.)
TV: Actress Drama/Action Adventure Jennifer Garner (Alias)
TV: Sidekick Sean Hayes (Will & Grace)
TV: Personality Ashton Kutcher (Punk'd)
Music: Single "Toxic" - Britney Spears
Music: Album Confessions - Usher
Music: R&B Artist Usher
Misc. Male Hottie Orlando Bloom
Misc: Comedian Adam Sandler
Choice Fresh Face: Ashlee Simpson
Movie: Hissy Fit Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
Movie: Blush Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls)
Movie: Liplock Keira Knightly & Orlando Bloom (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Movie: Sleazebag Seann William Scott (American Wedding)
Movie: Chemistry Keira Knightly & Orlando Bloom (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Movie: Fight/Action Sequence Orlando Bloom & Johnny Depp (Pirates of the Caribbean)
Movie Your Parents Didn't Want You to See: American Wedding
Movie: Breakout Star Male Chad Michael Murray (A Cinderella Story)
Movie: Breakout Star Female Lindsay Lohan (Mean Girls, Freakly Friday)
Reality/Variety TV Star Male: Ashton Kutcher (Punk'd)
Reality/Variety TV Star Female: Jessica Simpson
Reality/Variety TV Jackass: Simon Cowell
TV: Breakout Star Male Chad Michael Murray (One Tree Hill)
TV: Breakout Star Female Mischa Barton (The O.C.)
Breakout Show: The O.C.
Music: Hook Up "Yeah" - Usher w/Ludracis & Lil Jon
Music: Love Song "I Miss You" - Blink 182
Music: R&B Track "Yeah" - Usher w/Ludracis & Lil Jon
Music:Tour of the Year No Doubt & Blink 182
Male Athlete: Tony Hawk
Female Athlete: Mia Hamm
Movie of the Summer: SpiderMan 2
Song of the Summer: "Pieces of Me" - Ashlee Simpson
Movie: Drama/Action Adventure Harry Potter
Actor: Drama/Action Adventure Brad Pitt (Troy)
Actress: Drama/Action Adventure Halle Berry (Gothika)
TV Show: Comedy Friends
TV: Actor Comedy Matt LeBlanc
TV: Actress Comedy Jennifer Aniston
Music: Male Artist Justin Timberlake
Music: Female Artist Avril Lavigne
Music: Rap Artist D 12
Music: Rock Group Evanescence
Misc: Female Hottie Jessica Simpson
Movie: Liar Johnny Depp
Music: Breakout Artist Maroon 5
Music: Hip Hop/Rap Track "Where is the Love" - Black Eyed Peas
Music: Rock Track "This Love" - Maroon5
Fashion Icon Female: Jessica Simpson
Fashion Icon Male : Brad Pitt
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