Emmy Awards Live Blog! - 
by
10:42 PM
Ladies and gentlemen! Start your engines! It's time for that most beloved of pastimes: the dead people popularity contest! Let's kick this thang off!
We start off with Eddie Albert. Ooh, no applause. Tough opener. But Ann Bancroft gets a nice little round. Barbara Bel Geddes tries to compete, but she ain't got nothin' on Ann. Doesn't matter because Rodney Dangerfield outclasses both of them. But wait! Here comes Ossie Davis! The new reigning champion!! Or is he? James Doohan is like "Oh no he di'int!" But not even the finest Star Trek actors can dethrone Ossie. For that, we look to Bob Denver who's got the freshness factor working for him. He pulls in the biggest applause yet, and that's when the lights go dim, the timpanis boom, and the smoke flows from the fog machines. It's CHRISTOPHER REEVE! Oh, you cannot top Christopher Reeve! The applause is thunderous. People try to challenge him, but I mean, let's be serious. Herb Sargent? Chris Schenkel? Danny Simon? Hal Sitowitz? Psssh. This is Reeve Country, baby. You can't touch that shit! Ruth Warrick tries her darndest, but c'mon. It's Superman. But wait. Wait! WE'VE GOT A DARK HORSE! It's Jerry Orbach!!! And he COULD. GO. ALL. THE. WAY!! TOUCHDOWN, ORBACH!!! We have a winner!!! Most popular dead person of the 2005 Emmys: Jerry Orbach! Congratulations!!
10:54 PM
Cybil Shepherd starring in Martha Behind Bars: It Wasn't Such a Good Thing? I'M THERE.
10:56 PM
Tony Shaloub wins Outstanding Actor in a Comedic Performance for Monk. But more importantly, did you see Sela Ward's arms? One word: Amazon.
10:58 PM
The announcer introduces Charles S. Dutton by calling him a "three-time Emmy winner and the star of Threshold." And let's not forget "Winner of Prison Talent Show." Did you not see the opening montage??
11:03 PM
We were going to make fun of this Everybody Hates Chris segment until we realized it was a Hurricane Katrina thing. Blast!
11:05 PM
Wow, this is precious.
11:06 PM
And the winner of Emmy Idol is... Megan Mullally and Donald Trump. William Shatner is STUNNED! And now here is a lingering shot of the wall! Seriously. The camera lingered on a random part of the set for a good ten seconds before a flustered Ellen Degenerous bounded onto the stage and saved the day. I mean, as much as I loved gazing upon the beautiful set design, I was ready to move on.
11:07 PM
Whoopi Goldberg and Hugh Jackman make awkward and boring chatter as they present Outstanding Drama Series. Just cut to the chase. We all know it's gonna be Lost. And sure enough, Lost wins. 24 was robbed, man. Robbed!
11:10 PM
The guy accepting the award for Lost says "Thank you for believing in our show" about ten times. They believed in your show. WE GET IT!
11:11 PM
Okay, here we are. Last category. Who will win Outstanding Comedy? We begrudgingly admit that the Will & Grace clip is sort of funny. Nevertheless, in the upset of the year, Everybody Loves Raymond beats out Desperate Housewives. But as usual, the biggest loser is comedy.
And that's all folks! For more awards fun, I implore everyone to check out the significantly more amusing Golden Gasms. Good night!
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Comments
Was Macy Gray drunk?
Posted by: Gruffydd | September 18, 2005 11:16 PM(#1 of 23)
I don't feel like I can like Gary Dourdan anymore. I just don't. LOL to the commentary on the dead people montage. Is there something wrong with me that when they showed Julie Chen, I immediatley thought of TVgasm?
Posted by: Victoria | September 18, 2005 11:28 PM(#2 of 23)
I am so happy you caught the Chen shot. I too thought of TVgasm, so I don't think it's wrong...however, I have some serious explaining to do for laughing as hard as I did on your dead people montage...and I DON'T FEEL GUILTY! :)
Posted by: Helenann | September 18, 2005 11:37 PM(#3 of 23)
Wasn't it weird to hear Hugh Laurie from House speak with a heavy English accent. Only recently I read that he's English and was part of a famous comedy team in England. Here he speaks with no accent as character Gregory House and he's doing a somewhat serious role. Love that show! And him!
Posted by: nush | September 18, 2005 11:43 PM(#4 of 23)
Re 9:06 p.m.: Dave and the writers on the old "Late Night with David Letterman" show began the practice of not showing the real nominated writers, but instead creating a "bit" from the long list (b&w characters, fat men, animals, etc., you get the idea). Eventually every other show began to copy in order to be "hip", and that is what you see today. Glad that my current "hero" Jon Stewart made such a gracious comment about Dave, my "all-time" hero (yeah, Dave is/was better than even Johnny).
Posted by: museglet | September 18, 2005 11:43 PM(#5 of 23)
And since I'm here.....as to the Macy Gray question, she always talks like a cartoon character, and has admitted to (at the very least), vast quantities of pot. Never ever heard her give a coherent interview.
Posted by: museglet | September 18, 2005 11:48 PM(#6 of 23)
hugh laurie should have won!
Posted by: asdf | September 19, 2005 8:17 AM(#7 of 23)
I totally thought of Tvgasm when I saw the Chenbot too, and I have never even seen an episode of Big Brother! Great re-cap on what was a boring show. I had to yell all my snarky comments to my boyfriend in the next room who refused to watch unless the Family Guy or Jon Stewart came on. Jon Stewart & Conan are class acts and make me proud to be a New Yorker (sorry all you 3 hour late La-La lads). Frances Conroy was robbed and I was worried Patricia Arquette was gonna lose the front of her dress when that strap came down despite the Wonder Woman-like quality of that bustier.
Posted by: GatahBaby | September 19, 2005 8:18 AM(#8 of 23)
I loved that Felicity Huffman won! Take that Ms. Hatcher.
While I enjoy Patrica A & Medium, I so wanted Frances Conroy to win. (judging by the applause, so did her peers)
The male categories really left me cold. Bad choices all around.
I too am guilty of the Chenbot/tvgasm thought bubble mid-show.
Dead people popularity contest! LOL... that is so sad and so true.
Posted by: Meesh | September 19, 2005 8:47 AM(#9 of 23)
"Jackman's wife and "John." You try to guess who's getting it in the pooper tonight."
Um, my guess is all three. I think they take turns. What fun! :)
ha!
P.S. "The Lost Prince wins the Emmy for Best Miniseries. It also wins the Emmy for "And you are??" I think this should be an annual award always given by David Spade. Snarky!
Posted by: ha! | September 19, 2005 9:12 AM(#10 of 23)
A few random things:
1. Wasn't that other emmy girl Anne from ANTM? You know, the one who was obsessed with Pigsy Eva?
2. Did anyone else notice that ear tug by Huge Assman aka Hugh Jackman when he mentioned his frosted boytoy? Like he was doing a secret signal to him?
3. Your dead people applausometer was awesome.
Posted by: Tootie | September 19, 2005 10:29 AM(#11 of 23)
Warning: Do not attempt to read dead people popularity contest at work. Repeat: Do not read at work! Trying to act as if you are doing work on your computer while stifling giggles is not a professional look.
Posted by: joslyn | September 19, 2005 11:21 AM(#12 of 23)
Joslyn-I'm doing that exact same thing right now...that dead people populatrity contest was the funniest damn thing I've read on this web site! Thanks to TVgasm for making my day at work a little less crappy :-)
Posted by: Kristin | September 19, 2005 12:38 PM(#13 of 23)
What was with Letterman's constant lip smacking? Either he was adjusting his new dentures or suffering from some horrible pasties. He should just lay off the reefer next time and BE FUNNY! He even said Johnny Carson hosted "The Night Show".
Posted by: EROSion | September 19, 2005 2:00 PM(#14 of 23)
i just LOVE it when totally undeserving shows win because the academy feels that they "owe" it to the show to give them something, just because they've been snubbed so many times (well, besides the cast/crew of Will and Grace and Susan Lucci). Everybody Loves Raymond WAS funny..way back when it still had a plot. I agree that Desperate Housewives should have won, though I really don't think that show was supposed to be a comedy (but, hey, let's just roll with it!). The Daily Show was completely deserving of its awards won (I love John Stewart, always and forever!)
I thought the Emmys would be fun this year because our favorite daytime comedian, Ellen Degeneres was hosting..it's obvious that they didn't let her write her own jokes!
-Good recap, DEAD on with the events!
Posted by: kell | September 19, 2005 3:12 PM(#15 of 23)
I have to say I did enjoy seeing Kristin Bell in leg warmers. Veronica Mars - you've made it to the Tivo!
Posted by: J-Unit | September 19, 2005 3:19 PM(#16 of 23)
Speaking of Trump, one of his contestants was a stripper. Reported at The Smoking Gun. Don't have the link though
Posted by: tv freak | September 19, 2005 5:59 PM(#17 of 23)
You know how they have that sign at all the McDonald's franchises... "Over three billion sold", I think TvGasm should have something similar for how many people have been written up, chastised or fired for spouting coffee through their noses while reading a recap at work.
However, it's worth every last nasal burn!
Posted by: TinkerbellAPixie | September 19, 2005 7:37 PM(#18 of 23)
The "Julie Chen anxiously represses the urge to interrupt the ceremony with 'BUT FIRST!'" line had me giggling. Loved your live blog on the Emmys. Much more entertaining than the Emmys themselves.
Posted by: C | September 20, 2005 6:28 AM(#19 of 23)
#18: Actually, it now reads "over 99 billion sold". Sad but true...I missed this event and feel awfull about it--Heard John Stewart was his usual satiric genius; just about busted my gut ove rthe dead folks...C'mon, laughing at death is how you know you'll go on...
Posted by: Bobbie | September 20, 2005 6:36 AM(#20 of 23)
"Wasn't that other emmy girl Anne from ANTM? You know, the one who was obsessed with Pigsy Eva?"
YES...all of the Emmy girls were from ANTM. Tyra must have been kveling.
Posted by: Melis | September 20, 2005 7:02 AM(#21 of 23)
I guess I'm the only person who's happy Patricia Arquette won because I seriously think the woman is underrated, oh well... congrats to her.
Posted by: Greg | September 20, 2005 12:34 PM(#22 of 23)
How freakily poised and mature was that 'Everyone Hates Chris' kid? What is he, like 12? That kid's a better public speaker than Jesus. After seeing him there, I'd follow him into battle.
Also, I don't know who this Bobby Cannavale fellow is, but I'll be damned if he doesn't look like an ancient Persian swordsmith.
Posted by: J | September 20, 2005 5:14 PM(#23 of 23)