10:22 PM
James Gandolfini and Edie Falco seem entranced by the video montage of the miniseries nominees. So much so that they don't realize for a good three or four seconds that they're back on camera. Edie Falco looks positively mortified. And this is from the woman who went full-frontal on Broadway!

10:24 PM
Ah! The in memoriam popularity contest begins! Dennis Weaver starts things off with decent applause. People want to clap more, but you can tell they're holding back for bigger names. Oh, and here comes Mrs. Philo T. Farnsworth. You know, the first woman ever to appear on a cathode ray tube. Duh. No applause for her. That's shock.

We now pause the Tivo because an errant cricket has entered the TVgasm viewing party. One moment please.

10:26 PM
The cricket is dominating over J-Unit's attempts to capture it.

Dramatic simulation of the TVgasm cricket crisis.

10:27 PM
J-Unit has successfully ushered the invading cricket out the door. Mission accomplished. Back to the death montage.

10:28 PM
Don Adams earns some strong applause, but it's no Dennis Weaver. YIKES! Clarabell the Clown! Scariest dead person ever! Robert Sterling meanwhile gets nothing. People HATE him! Red Buttons does pretty well, but he's no Mike Douglas who gets the loudest ovation yet. Still, it's a pretty weak showing, made weaker by Gloria Monty who gets nothing. Pat Morita receives decent applause, but not as much as on the Oscars earlier this year. Maureen Stapleton takes the lead for two seconds, but Buck Owens and Jack Warden wrestle it away. Ah, but behold the power of Don Knotts! You'd think he'd be the champ, but here comes John Spencer with the smackdown. Not even Shelly Winters can beat him! Last but not least is Richard Pryor though. Did he beat out John Spencer? Did he? It's too close to call, but we're gonna say no. We therefore declare that John Spencer wins the title of most popular dead person of the 2006 Emmys. Congratulations!

10:35 PM
Oh god. The miniseries nominations are STILL GOING. Now it's for outstanding lead actress. There's no way this show's ending on time. And who wins for this category? The always slutty Helen Mirren. Of course she has a charmingly witty comment upon receiving her award. This is followed by the proclamation: "I want to talk about writing." PLEASE DO.

10:37 PM
Helen Mirren 1, Samba Music 0.
Bitch don't get cut off!

10:37 PM
Ooh! Calista Flockhart says that she almost fell ass over tit! Or rather, pelvis over rib.

10:38 PM
Lead actress in a drama. Who will it be? Mariska Hargitay wins! A triumph for all women with "ishka" names!

10:40 PM
Tyra Banks and Victor Garber take the stage. They make out for five minutes. Seriously.

10:41 PM
Just kidding. They don't make out. Sorry for that image. And the winner for lead actress in a comedy goes to... a surprise! Julia Louis Dreyfuss! Suck it, Jane Kasczmarekral;kdjfa;ls!!

10:43 PM
You thought Katherine Heigl had an ample bosom? Meet Virginia Madsen, who appears to be harnessing two blimps in her evening gown.

10:44 PM
YES! Kiefer Sutherland wins for 24! Finally! Time to wrestle a Christmas Tree! Meanwhile, in the audience, President Logan downs his sorrows with a beer. Drink up, Prezzy. Drink up.

10:50 PM
Okay. The final stretch. Time for Outstanding Comedy series. Please don't let this be Two and a Half Men.

10:51 PM
And the winner is... The Office! Yes! And whoa... was that... a nip slip by Mindy Kaling??? Our eagle-eyed East Coast staff noticed it first and then promptly alerted us (thank you Michelle Collins). The night is now complete!

10:57 PM
Last category! Drama! Seriously, Outstanding Drama series. And the winner is...YES YES YES!!! 24 wins!!! Forgive my 24 love, non 24 fans, but this is awesome. Even more awesome is that while everyone wanders up to the stage, we get a clip of Chloe barking at Buchanan. Bliss.

10:59 PM
Did the producer of 24 just thank NBC? Or was that me? And there's Curtis and Audrey. Isn't it sad that I refer to these people by their character names?

11:00 PM
And that's it! It's been fun (sort of). Goodnight, y'all!

Posted by on August 27, 2006 7:25 PM