TVgasm Goes Inside The Reality Remix Really Awards - 
by B-side
Rambah!
Last night in Hollywood, the Fox Reality Network held their first ever Reality Remix Really Awards. As you can imagine, it was an event on par with the Emmys, the Oscars, and perhaps even the closing ceremonies for the Olympics. It was that important. Oh, what am I saying? I'm already writing this with a highfalutin attitude, as if anything pertaining to reality stars is so utterly beneath me. Whatever. Reality stars + awards = my type of night, and thankfully, the good people at Fox Reality were kind enough to invite me to the show. Needless to say, my brain pretty much instantly exploded as soon as I arrived and saw reality stars as far as the eye could see. They ranged from obscure (some girl from Who Wants To Be A Soap Star?) to famous (Flavor Flav), from iconic (Omarosa) to overexposed (um, Omarosa again). Point was, I was in a constant state of taking inventory, trying to commit as many names and faces as I could to memory. Unfortunately, there were just too many to keep track of, but in this age of digital cameras and techno-wizardry, I was able to document most of the run-ins on my handy-dandy Canon Digital Elph (and to think that I came this close to forgetting to put the battery inside).
After the jump, a collection of the best photos from the party. And also a description of perhaps the most disturbing thing I've seen all year.
So before I go on, I might as well just get some things out of the way:
a) Chances are this will be very Perez Hilton-y in that this post will feature photos of me or my friend with reality stars. I apologize in advance.
b) Additionally, I suspect that I'll still be embarrassingly gushy about these reality stars, even after I have spent hours eviscerating them in recaps and whatnot. What can I say? I'm a two-faced jerk. Actually, to be fair, a lot of these people in real life tend to be very nice. Except for Jose Canseco, but I'm getting ahead of myself.
c) I saw Chyna's vagina. My eyes are still burning. Again, more on that later.
I think that about covers it. Anyway, the big event took place at a club in Hollywood called Les Deux, made famous by many a t-shirt on Mike Boogie this summer on Big Brother. Yes, this sprawling venue happens to be just another feather in the Dolce Group cap. I guess it's appropriate enough -- given that the partial owner of the spot is a reality star. Well, the show was supposed to begin at 8 PM, and I had been warned that if I was late, the doors would be locked, and I wouldn't be able to get in. As a result, I was sure to arrive at 7:30 PM with my friend S-Dizzle, who subbed in for J-Unit at the last second.
Well, first step was to check in. We got some nifty wristbands (which I'm still sporting the next morning because the scissors have mysteriously vanished from my apartment). Since I wasn't actually sure how to get into the club, I asked what I should do next. "Well, the red carpet is right there, so you can get in line," the woman said. Sweet. Doing the red carpet! I'd never actually done a red carpet before. On the one hand, I felt slightly out of place. But on the other hand, I managed to puff up my own self-importance by rationalizing that I was a panelist on Reality Remix, and hence, my tiny blip on the TV radar CERTAINLY entitled me to a full red carpet experience. Besides, it wasn't like I was invading Nicole Kidman and Brad Pitt's turf. These were reality stars!
Anyway, the line to get on the red carpet was rather long, and the lady controlling it was obviously letting the biggest reality stars move forward first. That meant Carrie Ann Inaba got a free trip to the front of the line while S-Dizzle and I waited... and waited... and waited... It was cool though. I got to see lots of fun reality stars (and holy shit, there were so many. My brain almost exploded). Some of the girls totally hammed it up on the red carpet. I couldn't help wondering... how would I make MY big splash??
Waiting in the pre-red carpet line. Hippies in front of us (as well as Debbie and Bianca from season seven of The Amazing Race). Oh, and that's Fat Momma's face all the way to the left.
Well, after a half hour of waiting, we were finally next to walk the carpet. The way it worked was that there was a woman controlling the flow of this, and as people walked out, she would call out their name and where they were from to the paparazzi. There we were: on the brink. The cameramen were all trained on us, ready to snap away. We told the lady our name, and just as we were about to go on, my friend who works on Reality Remix (and who's really sweet and all) came up to me and laughed loudly in front of EVERYONE, "Are you REALLY going to do the red carpet? REALLY????" Cut to fifteen paparazzi quickly lowering their cameras. I told her I didn't know there was an option to not do the red carpet, and she laughed again, rolling her eyes. "SURE!" she said sarcastically, as other people started to take our place on the carpet. Finally, she just laughed again and said, "Just make it quick!!!" Needless to say, the paparazzi were no longer dying to take our photos. A half-hour's worth of pumping up our own self-importance had been brutally destroyed in one fell swoop.
That's Daniel from Survivor: Amazon. He kissed his bicep on the red carpet. It was incredibly lame.
| 1 | 2 | 3 Next Page... ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums