Anyway, we still got to walk the red carpet, but at that point, we were kind of frazzled. Were we not supposed to be there? Were we interlopers? Did anyone care about us? We immediately began walking quickly down the carpet, causing the publicist woman to call out to us and say, "Don't you guys want to stop and take pictures?" Okay, if it wasn't already apparent that we WEREN'T celebrities or supposed to be there, now it was glaringly obvious. We posed awkwardly for about ten or twenty-seconds, but our entire game had been totally thrown off. Alas. Needless to say, we are decidedly not on WireImage this morning (not like we would have been anyway, but hey, you never know...)

Well, once we were in the club, we could see how everything was to be laid out. There was a little stage in the corner, and placed in front of it were several couches, on which most of the nominees sat. Around the couches were several cocktail tables, which were reserved for other guests, and while not everyone in attendance got a seat, the panelists for Reality Remix Weekend Edition had a sweet table, which was cool because a) I didn't have to stand all night, and b) it made me feel slightly cool again after the red carpet debacle. I was very excited because the next table over was reserved for the Laguna Beach kids, and fellow panelist Erin Murphy made sure to move Alex H.'s seat directly next to mine. To think, I could be sitting next to Roz all night long -- like she were my very own sidekick!

Sadly, the Laguna kids didn't show, but that didn't mean the table went empty. It was instead reassigned to a different reality star: CHYNA. That's right. I spent half the night next to former wrestler Chyna, who was so wasted she could barely stand up (people were literally holding her up all night). Every time hostess Kennedy came on stage, Chyna yelled out over and over again, "Kennedy! Kennedy! Kennedy! Kennedy! Kennedy! Kennedy!..." You see, in her drunken state, she was battling for attention -- something that everyone was doing. Let's not forget, this was a room full of reality stars -- almost as many as you could fit in a single venue -- and they were all drunk. As you can imagine, pandemonium ensued.

But enough talking. Time to get to the photos...

A decent smattering of reality stars. On the left are Toni Ferrari and Beth from The Duel. ANd of course, on the right is none other than Chyna: drunk, puffy, and lovin' it.

My friend's not at a place in his life yet where he's able to freely show his mug next to reality stars on a TV blog. Hence the pixellation. That being said, he just had to get a photo with Flavor Flav.

Another shot of the room. I like this one because it features the quintessential Aaron Carter reaction in the foreground.

Lynn and Alex from Amazing Race 7. I think they were the two happiest people there.

The real reason my friend didn't want to show his face: because he had an unrelenting need to take photos with the most embarrassing and/or gross reality stars there. Hence, Aaron Carter.

Not everyone was ashamed to be seen with Aaron. Consider Lynn his #1 fan!

Alex witnesses something life-alterning: Chyna's vagina.

Okay, so as you can see from this photo, Chyna decided to put her leg up on a chair, ultimately exposing her completely shaven lady-regions. It was one of those moments where you see the leg going up, and you wonder, "Is she wearing underwear? Do you think she's naked under there? Do you think we'll see-- OH LORD! NEVER AGAIN! NEVER AGAIN!!" I swear, it was traumatizing. The whole rest of the party, people would say things like "Chyna is so wasted! She nearly fell on me!" To which I would angrily reply, "I SAW HER VAG!!!" In the above photo, I tried to take a picture of this awful sight; so that the rest of you could be equally scarred, but Lynn accidentally blocked the money shot. He was actually trying to do the thing where it looked like I was pretending to take a photo of him but really taking a photo of Chyna, but it all sort of backfired. I tried to take another photo, but since my camera is old and slow, I missed out. This was the best I could do:

Chyna, post-vag slip (she then started making out with that girl in the white top).

Sterling hostess Kennedy gets the show going... Sorry, nothing funny to comment about here.

Why, if it isn't Andrae Gonzalo!

By the time the show began, and we were all in our seats, none other than Andrae was placed on a couch directly in front of us. Of course, I had to tap him on the shoulder and ask to take a photo. Later on, just before he accepted an award, I gave him my camera and asked him to take a pic of the crowd, which he did. Or tried to. Again, my stupid old camera was so slow that the pic he thought he got didn't actually take. Sigh. After winning his award, he was then ushered back to some press area for an interview, which meant my camera went with him. My precious camera with all my photos! After ten minutes, I became paranoid that something terrible would happen -- the camera would get lost or something. I decided to venture into the back to find Andrae -- which meant that yes, I literally had to ask people, "Where's Andrae?" As you can tell, I got my camera back.

My friend with Chyna. What you can't see is the extreme look of terror in his eyes.

Posted by B-side on October 25, 2006 11:39 AM