TVgasm - Awards Shows: TVgasm Goes Inside The Reality Remix Really Awards

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**Ever the model, ANTM alumna Furonda posed for my camera. She was super skinny and super tall. Unfortunately, Jay Manuel wasn't around to be passive-aggressive during my impromptu photo shoot.**

**Jeff Conaway: still rockin' the Grease jacket. So sad...**

The Hippies were seated right in front of us also. I thanked them for mentioning us on CBS.com. They thanked us for mentioning that they mentioned us. Then we all just thanked each other for nothing in particular.

Ace Young and Chyna: Oh how I wanted that relationship consummated.

By the way, Ace Young sang his new song at the show. I forget what it was called. I named it AWFUL.

**Another mishmash of reality stars: Goldie from The Flavor of Love tries to squeeze by JP from Survivor as Omarosa curiously tilts over and stares at her ass.**

This ass has been inspected by Omarosa Manigault-STALLWORTH!

New father Jonathan Baker salutes us. We don't know why, but we kind of like it.

Fellow panelists Anna David and Erin Murphy.

Okay, these are just silly personal photos now. I'm sure no one cares. Just move on to the next pic...

Chilltown presents the first award of the night, not realizing that a lurking Jeff Conaway threatens to clap them into oblivion.

Pumkin and New York sharing the stage! I'm not the only one who expected a full-on brawl to go down.

Flavor Flav, Dr. Will, New York, Mike Boogie, Pumkin: is this really happening? Have I died and gone to heaven? Furthermore, is it sad that this is so awesome to me? Yes. Yes it is.

The obligatory New York photo. Believe it or not, this was her classiest pose of the night...

Did I mention that New York sat at a table just next to us also? So yes, we were pinned between Chyna and New York. That's what I call a night!

You know, more reality stars. Aras. Hurricane Howie. Etc. etc.

**Sitting on the couch on the left were Pumkin, Johnny Fairplay, and the girl from Average Joe 3. I'll chalk up my slow camera for missing Johnny Fairplay and Pumkin making out just moments earlier.**

Rob and Ambah! How could I not get a photo with these two? They were both friendly, and Amber was super nice. Like crazy nice. She told me she had the same camera. SHE KNOWS MY PAIN!

Erika told me she'd teach me Pilates. I think we'll have to document it for the site...

None other than Dr. Will polishing off his "Realitini" -- which was what winners received at this event.

Buckwild! I actually heard her with and without her accent. Very exciting!

In my post-Chyna recovery period, I found the best way I could deal with this trauma was to take as many photos of Chyna as possible to truly convey how awful it would be to see such a woman's vagina in person. This was during her "coming down" phase.

Lovely.

A personal highlight of the night: meeting Carrie Ann INABA. I have to admit, I was a little afraid she might be diva-ish, but quite the contrary! She was awesome! My new favorite judge.

Would it shock you if I revealed that Ron Jeremy kind of smelled funky?

Erin Murphy with one of her favorites, Storm Large. We totally forgot to rag on Lukas with her.

Our friend who wished to remain anonymous with that guy from Rock Star: INXS. Ty Taylor, I believe. He sang also, but I went to the bathroom during the performance. Believe it or not, Jeff Conaway also had a musical number. It was like a rap of some sort. It was really, really creepy.

Lisa and Joannie from America's Next Top Model seemed totally out of their element. They spent the entire time on a couch, looking shell-shocked. By the way, at this point of the night, almost everyone there was wasted. The awards turned into complete bedlam, and I'm pretty sure that when we took this photo, we were blocking the main camera DURING THE SHOW.

My friend absolutely hates Omarosa. He feels like she's taken black people back twenty years. Hence, he took a photo with her.

**S-Dizzle hams it up while Flavor Flav tries to make his move on Bootz by saying how she was the one that he really wanted all along. Scandal!**

Oh look! Weird Al showed up!

I really don't know what to say about this photo. At this point, everyone was pretty much wasted or stoned or both.

Erin Murphy saved me Alex H's seat placard. At the time, it seemed like a funny idea to stick my tongue out, but now I just find it disturbing.

S-Dizzle's skank-quest continues...

After the show, Kennedy looks like she's about ready to cry.

Although S-Dizzle was on the prowl for skanks and ho's, even he could not help but to succumb to the glory of Fat Momma.

We stumbled upon erstwhile baseball star Jose Canseco and knew we had to get a pic. Keep in mind that all night long, everyone was absolutely elated to take a photo. Not so much for Jose. He rolled his eyes and said, "YOU HAVE THREE SECONDS!" Of course, with my slow camera, we really pushed the limits of those three seconds, and I honestly thought he was going to beat us up. Luckily, we managed to get a shot before fisticuffs were exchanged.

So that was the big exciting night. It was crazy fun and a bit ridiculous. I think the awards air on October 28th on Fox Reality. Check your local listings...

PEACE OUT!

Update:

We made it!!!

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Posted by B-side on October 25, 2006 11:39 AM

Comments

Thanks for the photos!

"What happened to Andrae?" indeed - makeover!

Posted by: pbjunkie | October 25, 2006 11:58 AM(#1 of 37)

Are you *sure* that was Weird Al? It looked a whole lot more like Kenny G to me. But if it were Weird Al, I hope he makes up one of his funny songs as an ode to Chyna's saggy breasts.

Posted by: JayhawkAnne | October 25, 2006 12:18 PM(#2 of 37)

When J-Unit took sg-dub and myself to breakfast in LA a few weeks ago (after our night of getting food poisoning at Mike Boogie's restaurant) Flava Flav cut us in line at a waffle place. That annoyed both me and sg-dub to no end for several reasons. You see this waffle place was a "Hollywood institution", whatever that means, so there was a line of people waiting to get in. Flava Flav walked right in past the people waiting in line and the owner of the place gave him a hug and a kiss as he entered. It bothered us that he cut us in line, It bothered us more that absolutely no one in line other than us was bothered by the fact that a failed middle aged rap star just cut them in line. And it also bothered us that at 10 AM on a Saturday morning his goes to all the trouble of putting on that retarded get up with his annoying clock. Its not as funny with a hangover and a belly full of bad sushi.

That being said we went to another place and had a great breakfast and there was a hippie midget at the next table, so it was all good.

Posted by: EdHill | October 25, 2006 12:53 PM(#3 of 37)

speaking of Mike Boogie, who is Will's sidekick here's a linksy

http://youtube.com/watch?v=vuJ_dAv3BLQ

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szCwRABlLQE

Posted by: IrideBlimp | October 25, 2006 1:15 PM(#4 of 37)

B-Side, I think it's so cute you checked WireImage to see if your photo was there.

This report was great. An extended foray into an enclosed environment filled with attention whores, booze, and cameras merits hazard pay. Exposure to Chyna's vagina should earn you a purple heart.

Posted by: brilliantmistake | October 25, 2006 1:31 PM(#5 of 37)

These pictures are great. If I were there, I would have made the biggest fuss over you on the red carpet. How dare they not recognize the talent in their presence! Anyway, too bad about Chyna's 'gina. I remember after the Surreal Life, she got cleaned up. What happened? Oh, and did Omarosa change clothes? Looks like she wore two different outfits. Anyway, gotta go take a shower after those photos.
Thanks again B-side.

Posted by: may1 | October 25, 2006 1:54 PM(#6 of 37)

I love these kind of posts. It's always amusing to watch people (I refuse to call these people "celebrities") transition from being put together at the beginning to tired and drunk at the end of the night.

Oh, and that includes you, B-side!

Posted by: Samboomba | October 25, 2006 1:59 PM(#7 of 37)

oh yeah, re: Chyna. Get me drunk enough and I would. It'd be worth it for the story alone.

Posted by: EdHill | October 25, 2006 2:03 PM(#8 of 37)

EdHill:
"oh yeah, re: Chyna. Get me drunk enough and I would. It'd be worth it for the story alone."

But would it be worth the antibiotics?

Posted by: brilliantmistake | October 25, 2006 2:11 PM(#9 of 37)

Fancy! You guys are becoming way too big for your peasant readers. Haha. Seems really surreal/fun. Tip: Next time you're on the red carpet, WORK IT! They can smell fear. Pretend you're huge in France or something. I'll bet you'll get a pic in stupid WireImage that way. :)

Posted by: hanan5050 | October 25, 2006 2:22 PM(#10 of 37)

Hanan5050 -- that's the whole point!

We WERE going to work it, but then all that happened and totally destroyed our Mojo!

Posted by: B-Side | October 25, 2006 2:23 PM(#11 of 37)

Great photo gallery - thanks B-Side!

Why does Booger keep wearing that ugly-ass blue suit and white shoes? Andrae must have been gagging!

Posted by: HoneyBunny | October 25, 2006 3:03 PM(#12 of 37)

I was told that Chyna has both a vagina and a penis. Is it true?

Posted by: missriss | October 25, 2006 4:09 PM(#13 of 37)

Wait, Chyna actually has a vagina? Actually I heard that she has a part of her anatomy being so big it almost resembles a phallus, if you get my drift

I gotta say tho, New York is even more trashtastic than I thought she was. And was Fairplay really making out with Pumpkin? I thougth she likes only tuna.

Posted by: LaSexorcisto | October 25, 2006 4:46 PM(#14 of 37)

Trust me. It was all Va-chyna.

Posted by: B-Side | October 25, 2006 4:55 PM(#15 of 37)

What a great bunch of photos. Posts like this are the reason you're my favorite, B-Side. My favorite is Daniel from "Survivor" after he kissed his biceps. Did anybody see the MTV "True Life: I'm a Reality TV Star", featuring him (among others)? He goes to EVERY red carpet event he can and kisses his bicep at every single one. Then he trolls the wire sites the next day looking for pix of himself. Pathetic!

Posted by: chief2224 | October 25, 2006 5:12 PM(#16 of 37)

Um... I one-upped you.

Chyna threw up on me.

Blam.

Posted by: TheFinalCountdown | October 25, 2006 6:01 PM(#17 of 37)

Um... I one-upped you.

Chyna threw up on me.

Bam.

Posted by: TheFinalCountdown | October 25, 2006 6:04 PM(#18 of 37)

I sense a webpoll: what's worse? Seeing Chyna's vag or having her throw up on you? DISCUSS.

Posted by: B-Side | October 25, 2006 6:56 PM(#19 of 37)

B-Side

A: I am sooooo jealous.

B: Next time you get to do the red carpet, ignore the haters and rock it the F*#$ OUT!! We, your fans, would be thrilled for you and to see you "do the red carpet"

C: Seeing the Va-chyna would be worse than the puke. Clothes you can clean, your brain you cannot. I know a good therapist if you need.

Posted by: pearlblackdragon | October 25, 2006 7:11 PM(#20 of 37)

Uh... Hi. She fucking puked on me.

I think I have hepatitis now.

Posted by: TheFinalCountdown | October 25, 2006 7:26 PM(#21 of 37)

I wonder if Deelishuz knows that Flav's whispering sweet nothings in Bootz ear..? Anyway, I thought Bootz had a man the whole time (aka, "I'm celibate till I'm married). Did Buckwyld throw up Westside since she's so hood? You know, being from Rancho Cucamonga and all?

I'm so jealous.

Posted by: IJustWatch | October 25, 2006 7:42 PM(#22 of 37)

take me with you next time, pretty please????

Posted by: AlJal8754 | October 25, 2006 7:59 PM(#23 of 37)

Wow, B-Side- this was great! I love it when you do this stuff. I am so green with envy. Just one question: how long did it take to wash the skank stank of New York off?

Posted by: zevonia | October 25, 2006 9:33 PM(#24 of 37)

To be honest, these photos just made me feel dirty and ashamed to say that I watch anything that can be called "reality TV." Even if I really only watch Big Brother and Survivor... what a gross display that was. I'm sure Kennedy did cry.

Posted by: Kathryn | October 25, 2006 10:08 PM(#25 of 37)

I love you B Side. That's all!! You just rock outloud!!!

Posted by: BlakDoll | October 26, 2006 4:58 AM(#26 of 37)

"On her way down" no kidding! Put on a bra girl!

Posted by: Leah3t | October 26, 2006 5:28 AM(#27 of 37)

b-side:

dude--S-WEET blazer. so writerly and autumn-in-vermont-y. nostalgia!

Posted by: jack | October 26, 2006 6:01 AM(#28 of 37)

"By the way, Ace Young sang his new song at the show. I forget what it was called. I named it AWFUL." I laughed so hard at my desk and I tried to cover it up with a cough. I don't think it was successful.

B-Side, will you marry me?

Posted by: sarah | October 26, 2006 8:09 AM(#29 of 37)

Dude, that picture of you with Roz's placard is friggin hilarious. What were you going to say to her if she actually showed up, "Hey my name is B-Side and I have a mild obsession/fetish with you?" What if after you introduced yourself, she snarled at you and said "I know who you are, and just for your information I don't look like a Roz you dickhead." and turned around. I'm just brimming with questions about this.

Posted by: LagunaConsultant | October 26, 2006 8:46 AM(#30 of 37)

I love the background B-Side haunting the Ron Jeremy shot. It's almost like you were Photoshopped in!

Posted by: Jess | October 26, 2006 10:02 AM(#31 of 37)

Thanks B-Side, you just made my day! I think I enjoyed this blog more than I should, but what can I say, I'm a TV whore.

I am surprised Flav didn't go after Chyna, I would think she'd be an ample replacement for Brigitte (sp?). And puh-leeze, Jose, what a tool! If I were you B-Side I would have either fiddled with my camera for like 10 minutes to see how long he'd last or went back every 10 miuntes asking for another picture. Then again, I'm a girl so I'm guessing I'd have a slightly better chance of not getting hit.

Posted by: tvaholic | October 26, 2006 10:07 AM(#32 of 37)

B-side, are you kidding me? She totally has a mini-penis!

If anyone needs photographic proof of this, you can check it out here:

http://i.somethingawful.com/horrorsofporn/chyna/clit.jpg

Its an outtake from her porno, "1 night in China", reviewed here:
http://www.somethingawful.com/index.php?a=2594

But be forewarned, it's the most awful thing you'll ever see.

Posted by: rebridinghood | October 26, 2006 11:17 AM(#33 of 37)

B-Side, You're hot!

Posted by: JHill | October 26, 2006 11:17 AM(#34 of 37)

I swear to God I think I'm gonna regurgitate. I am eating a corn dog for lunch and I just looked at the picture of Chyna's clitty! Nastiness. Thanks, RebRidingHood.

And I agree with JHill, B-Side: You are a hottie!!!

Posted by: ClariceStarling | October 26, 2006 12:34 PM(#35 of 37)

One more thing B-Side... You rag on Breanna for having such a pronounced chin... My God

Posted by: LagunaConsultant | October 26, 2006 1:12 PM(#36 of 37)

I LOVE TVgasm. Especially your recaps B-Side!

I just clicked through to the link rebridinghood posted, and I am completely traumatized. Completely.

My sincerest condolences on experiencing that in real life. Maybe TVgasm could establish a Va-Chyna-Non recovery group?

Posted by: Chee-Z-TeeVee Addict | October 26, 2006 7:52 PM(#37 of 37)

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TVgasm Goes Inside The Reality Remix Really Awards -

by B-side

Ever the model, ANTM alumna Furonda posed for my camera. She was super skinny and super tall. Unfortunately, Jay Manuel wasn't around to be passive-aggressive during my impromptu photo shoot.

Jeff Conaway: still rockin' the Grease jacket. So sad...