The Bachelor: Who's Your Meatball?
[Bachelor recaps are written by jadedbitch. You can read his blog at http://www.jadedbitch.com/.]
Our boy Charlie has had some time to "get to know" his potential sweethearts, but now we have to get to some real business, and you know what that menans... It’s time for the hometown visit episode! (re: the episode where the crazy families are exposed!) We start off in McKinney, Texas to meet Sarah B’s folks. She shows up to meet Charlie in what looks like a pair of my grandmother’s pajamas, or “colourful scrubs” as Charlie called them. Seriously though, Caroline Rhea called and wants her face back.
Charlie spent a couple of minutes talking to the family dog. But then Sarah B had to go change out of her hideous outfit, so he ended up talking to Lucy, the family pet. Zinger!
The family eventually showed up to grill the Bachelor, who talked REALLY LOUDLY to all of them. Inside voice, Charlie, inside voice…
Rachael, Sarah B’s sister, gave the camera a good cleavage shot before going off with Sarah to see what she liked about Charlie. Looking at the two of them, it was pretty obvious who got the better end of the gene pool! Sarah admitted that they have not kissed yet, and judging by what we’ve seen so far, it doesn’t look hopeful. Will they be able to get out of the “friendship” rut that they’ve fallen into?
Rachel pulled Charlie aside to see if he was just doing this to boost his career. He claimed that acting was not his greatest talent love.
It was then off to Edmonton, Alberta, Canada to visit Kimberley. They met at Edmonton’s only attraction, the West Edmonton Mall and went on a few rides. They then went over to allegedly the Best Perogie Restaurant in Canada, The Pyrogy House. Kim’s mom, Marge, took Charlie into the kitchen to make some perogies together, including a sardine flavoured one. *shudder*
Marge really took a liking to Charlie, and I mean REALLY took a liking as she proclaimed her love for him to the camera in some sort of euphoric stupor. “Neat, EH?” she said to Charlie while rolling the dough. Oy, not the “Eh”!! Not the “Eh”!! In the back of the kitchen, Kim wanted to get it on with Charlie but he declined her advances.
Later that night, however, they went out to a bar for some drinks. Now, being in such a small town as Edmonton, who should turn up but ousted singleton Jenny! Not only was she not wearing that awful pink dress from her final rose ceremony, but she had in tow one of Kim’s ex-boyfriends! Small town, indeed!
The ex-boyfriend dragged Kim away for a chat, where he asked if Charlie’s been able to handle Kim Wild. Kim turned all frosty and said, “Please don’t mention any of that.” Apparently, according to Jason, her ex, Kim is known throughout all of Edmonton as Kim Wild. Next time you meet someone from Canada, be sure to ask them, “Hey, do you know Kim Wild up in Edmonton?” Us Canadians just love that.
Meanwhile, at the bar, Jenny continued to harp on the fact that she didn’t know what Charlie was looking for. Here’s an answer for you, Jen: He’s not looking FOR YOU. It was good however, to see Jen come back on the show a la Trish from the Jesse Palmer season. Love it when rejected people crawl back begging for another chance.
Jason asked Kim if she and Charlie had the “meatball connection.” WTF? Apparently, she will always be Jason’s “meatball” and the two of them will always be each other's "meatball." Okay, Edmonton, way to represent.
Next stop: Corning, NY for Sarah W. He immediately started grilling her about the animosity between her and Krisily. She claimed that she wasn’t used to people hating her and that people always liked her. Wait a minute, I thought just last week she said she was used to being hated for being so beautiful? Make up your mind, Big Sarah! Charlie then asked her about saying to Sarah B that she knew who the final four were. Sarah W got all flustered and didn’t deny or confirm the rumour.
We then had a blatant plug for Verizon wireless phones as Sarah W sent her family a video message to say she was bringing Charlie over. The two trudged through the snow to the family home to meet Sarah’s father, mother, and sister.
Sarah sat around with her family and proclaimed herself a diva, while Charlie went out to help the dad shovel the sidewalk. After dinner, the two went for an evening out on the town. Sarah worked her charms on him as they sucked face in the middle of the street as though they were running out of air and the only supply was from each other.
Charlie then drove over to the Rhode Island trailer park to meet Krisily for her hometown visit. They stopped off at Krisily’s hair salon where her cousin also worked and who gave Charlie a haircut and an interrogation at the same time. At the house, he met Krisily’s mom, nana, stepdad, and aunt.
And man, Nana was a firecracker! “What do ya get out of it!?”she demanded of him. She then went on a tirade about the show and how “ahwl they do is kiss kiss kiss on The Bachelah.” Later when Krisily and Charlie were sitting on the front porch making out, Mom and Nana spied on them through the window.
But it was back inside the house where the real action would take place. “Come on CHARLEE, you wanna dance?” Nana perked up, as the two cut some rug and bumped booties. Charlie later presented Nana with her very own rose, and quite frankly, Nana has been the most interesting candidate so far. “I’m gonna go home and put it in some watah, and every time I look at it, I’m gonna think of Charlee,” she proclaimed. She later advised Krisily, “What you gotta do now is get him in bed.” You go, Nana!
Finally it was Rose Ceremony time, where Charlie addressed his sweaty pits. Hey, at least he’s aware of it. Teary-eyed, Charlie had to pick between Sarah W, Sarah B, Krisily, and Kim. First to get the rose was Sarah B. Second up was Krisily. The final rose went to Sarah W, shutting out our very own Miss Edmonton. Maybe it was Kimberley’s Vegas showgirl dress or too many perogies? Or, perhaps it was the fact that he didn’t want to live in Deadmonton, Canada. Oh well, at least she's got her Meatball.
There’s only three girls left. Who do you think is going to get the final rose?? But more importantly, does anyone even care? And I want more Nana!
Comments
I was kind of surprised that Charlie got rid of Kimberly before the "overnight fantasy" dates, because the Bachelor always keeps the tramp around until that time so he can do her. Then I remembered that he probably already did that when they were rolling around on his bed in his apartment. Puke.
Next week looks interesting, though. Especially the part where both Sarahs think he's giving them a rose. My guess is it's not little Sarah, since she told him in the preview that she won't spend the night with him, and the girl who doesn't put out always get sent home. I also love the idea of the girls all having to stay with each other on Aruba, or wherever it is they're supposed to be. That looks like the work of an evil genius.
Posted by: Victoria | May 1, 2005 01:20 AM (#1 of 22)
Way to dress to impress Krisily.
Posted by: laska | May 1, 2005 05:40 AM (#2 of 22)
My prediction for next week is that when he says Sarah that he means both Sarahs, which leaves Krisily as the one without the rose. Sarah W will get the final rose. They seem to have the most chemistry. But sometimes the producers surprise us!
What's the deal with Sarah W? I noticed that too how she said nobody likes her because she's so beautiful and now this week everyone always likes her. Her stories are incredibly inconsistent. I think she does have some kind of complex. Note to Sarah W: You're not as beautiful as you think you are.
Posted by: suebee | May 1, 2005 07:55 AM (#3 of 22)
Sarah Dub reminds me of the bitch from hell who tortured me in junior high, so I hope he keeps her around and later humiliates her by dumpin' her sorry, schemin' ass!
Again with the pits. When Charlie was on the couch, talking to Carolyn Rhea's sister, I wondered if he was going to transfer his dampness to the couch itself. ewwwww!
I was shocked to see Kimberly go, but booyah to the Sarahs kickin' ass next week. yay!
Posted by: Jess | May 1, 2005 09:43 AM (#4 of 22)
Dub sucks.
I'm trying to reflect on the first episode of this bachelor, when he was meeting all the girls for 2 minutes, and had to pick. Didn't Sarah Dub prattle on about how she starts every morning rollerblading down a hill (for the adrenaline rush, or some sh**)? I didn't see any rollerblading hills near her house.
The conversation about what a diva S.W. was was nauseating. Way to keep her grounded!
Posted by: Kelley | May 1, 2005 10:12 AM (#5 of 22)
The producers usually try to go for "the dark horse" and I can't help but wonder if Little Sarah is it this year. We barely saw anything of her hometown date with Charlie...all the other girls got to go out after with him.
And the reason Sarah W's story keeps changing? She's a lying, convining, little bi-atch.
I think it's funny as hell that all three girls will be not only on the same island but, from the looks of it, in the same hotel.
Can't wait to see which Sarah he means!
Posted by: mountain girl | May 1, 2005 01:01 PM (#6 of 22)
Like mountain girl, I wondered why Sarah B didn't get a night out on the town with Charlie. Maybe they were hiding it.
Posted by: suebee | May 1, 2005 01:24 PM (#7 of 22)
spoiler alert!
He doesn't pick either of the sarahs....he picks Fabrice.
Posted by: curlypacks | May 1, 2005 02:37 PM (#8 of 22)
what, no comments about how sarah b's innocent thing is all just an act? i was kinda rooting for her until she told her sister she was just playing games by not kissing him. sarah's not churchy, she's just a tease. now i want sarah w to win just so i can see her twitch and freak out when he dumps her immediately afterwards, jen schefft style.
Posted by: ldini79 | May 1, 2005 04:21 PM (#9 of 22)
I don't watch this show but I love reading Jadedbitch's recaps!
Am I reading the name right "Krisily"? Is that for real? I'm reading Tvgasm in between cooking a roast and "gristley" comes to mind.
Posted by: Retroqueen | May 1, 2005 04:55 PM (#10 of 22)
Yup the name is "Krisily" and "gristly" is actually a very apt description of her.
Posted by: TinkerbellAPixie | May 1, 2005 06:54 PM (#11 of 22)
I'm hoping the girls get in a big cat fight on Aruba and somebody rips those nasty extensions out of Sarah Dub's hair!
Posted by: Holly | May 2, 2005 04:54 AM (#12 of 22)
Ooh, I wonder if Sarah Dub won't go swimming b/c she's afraid her nasty weave will look like shit when she gets out!
Did you notice how smug Li'l Sarah was when she was walking down the beach? She looked like a new woman, ready to kick some Big Sarah ass.
In the beginning, I HAAAAATED Krisily and her perpetually downturned mouth and fondness for ripping out your internal organs while saying, "that's just MY opinion", but now I kinda like her. Weird, that.
Posted by: Jess | May 2, 2005 06:07 AM (#13 of 22)
Jess-
I too loathed Krisily in the beginning, but now she is just such a bitch to Sarah W, you have to appreciate her.
Also- does Charlie call Sarah Dub "big Sarah" to her face? I'm guessing that will piss her off as she watches the show now. Ha!
Posted by: Kelley | May 2, 2005 09:41 AM (#14 of 22)
I want more of Krisily's nana. She was hysterical! Funniest person unlucky enough to end up on the bachelor/ette ever in my opinion.
And could Sarah W. lie any more? If Charlie ends up with her he's in for a world of misery and lies. Of course he really does deserve a psycho beeyoch, so I guess they'd make a good couple.
Posted by: Nana for Prez | May 2, 2005 09:46 AM (#15 of 22)
I'm so looking forward to watching Krisily's face when she sees Sarah Dub in Aruba!!...Ahhh...Monday nights.
Seriously though, Krisily is obsessed with Sarah W, it's kinda freaky.
I'd like to see Sarah B get the final rose, but we all know that's not going to happen...Miss.W will most likely be the one who steals his heart...hasn't he made that apparent since the very begining???...so much for suprises..
Posted by: melisa | May 2, 2005 12:35 PM (#16 of 22)
charlie does not deserve any of these women? they should have given him hookers and a representative from philip morris.
Posted by: matthew | May 2, 2005 06:39 PM (#17 of 22)
any girl who doesn't end up with charlie will be the true winner. this is the one bachelor show where 24 women win. next time they should have cory feldman's little brother, or maybe his penpal on the show, maybe somebody else we don't care about!!
Posted by: joe | May 2, 2005 06:52 PM (#18 of 22)
one word: marlboro
Posted by: carson | May 2, 2005 06:56 PM (#19 of 22)
hooray for krisely. she represents all of us in WT america. sarah b, make like prefontaine and run for the gold in munich!!
Posted by: josh | May 2, 2005 06:58 PM (#20 of 22)
jadedbitch - you've got some competition in the recaps - http://www.rosie.com/2005/05/02/charlie/
From Rosie O'Donnall's blog
the new bachelor
good god
looks like last call at obi
1978
he is howie and murray
rolled into one doughy
inarticulate mess
sorry, blame Hallmark - I think the movie lowered my IQ
Posted by: rosie | May 2, 2005 09:42 PM (#21 of 22)
well was I wrong or what!!
I'm glad to see Sarah W go, but I'll miss hearing her talk about how "perfect,beautiful,great of a catch, and better than all the other girls" she is...hmm....
...I think Krisily would be perfect for Charlie. He'd fit right into her perverted family.
Posted by: melisa | May 3, 2005 12:03 PM (#22 of 22)