TVgasm Recaps: Your Source for Beauty and the Geek

Beauty and the Geek: Losing on All Fours (Season Finale)

Season finales blow; saying goodbye to the people you've secretly held an emotional attachment to is really sad for about five minutes, and this is especially true in reality TV, where that slump could last for TEN minutes. Following the swan song to this season's Bitches and Dorks, it's going to be hard to imagine one night a week where sexism and classism are void from television. That's your cue to scoff.

"I HATE MAPQUEST."

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Beauty and the Geek: Cabin Fever (Now With Deflowerings and Snowballing!)

To many Californians, a trip to Big Bear is either 1. mandatory by order of parents or 2. mandatory by order of school field trip. But not for the Dorks and the Bitches; in fact, for them, having the CW send them off to Big Bear is like witnessing the reformation of The Beatles, or seeing God, or tripping out on some gooey Jenkem. Elation aside, one can only wonder WHO WILL DIE UNDER AN AVALANCHE? WHAT WILL HAPPEN IN AN EPISODE WHEN FACTORING IN VERY COLD WEATHER CONDITIONS?! WHERE AM I GOING TO FIT IN THE WORD "SNOWBALLING" IN A SEXUAL CONTEXT IN THIS ENTIRE RECAP!?!!?!?!?

Jessie Spano-grade Excitement

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Beauty and the Geek: Everyone's Fired!!!

Last week's Jenny Jones-esque makeover episode made for some great TV, but the CW brought us back to boring ol' competition grounds near the end, leaving us at a cliffhanger where the 4 remaining Dorks and Bitches had to choose who to send to the ominously named "ELIMINATION ROOM." Sending Cowboy Joe and his ho to the chopping block this week seemed long overdue, and sort of compensated this season's lost momentum, but this week (thanks to drama, dracula, fire, AND GHOSTS) things pick up to Michael Bay-grade epicness!

"Is that a mold in your pocket or are you ha-- ...oh it is? Awesome."

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Beauty and the Geek: The Dorks and the Restless

Now that the Dorks and the Whores are coupled up, game dynamics are changing faster than the group's collective vocabulary --

Amanduh: "The girls and I wanted Jim to come back. That was the census."

Cuntcensus.

Take out your nail polish remover and start defragging your brain -- this week's Beauty and the Geek includes a MAKEOVER!!! Never seen one of those before, amiright!? AMIRIGHT!?

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Beauty and the Geek: The Laws of Boners and Eggs

To many, deciding "Of these two geeks, which one would I rather live with?" is sort of like having to decide between eating shit or going to Wendy's for lunch. For "Beauty" Tara, it's like deciding which parent you have to kill in order to survive in a bomb shelter without any food. This is Beauty and the Geek, and quite possibly the craziest hour in television since the Frost/Nixon interview. CW, anyone?