It's A Date! - 
by B-side
The fun times keep rollin' on Beauty and the Geek where this week, the guys faced that most daunting of challenges: getting women's phone numbers. Oh, but that's not all. They also had to ask their female roommates out on dates AND endure head-to-toe makeovers. Yes, it was all about the geeks this week (the beauties had some perfunctory arithmetic to deal with, but whatever), and furthermore, it was all about Richard. The once amusing Woody Allen wannabe has now officially become annoying, but not just to me or the rest of the audience. Chuck, who'd been growing increasingly impatient with Richard, graduated to full scale hostility. This ain't the Real World; so we weren't about to see any beat downs and broken skulls But as far as inter-geek social relations go, this rivalry was about as close as one can get to a nerd fist fight.
The episode began with Richard and Mindi returning to a bedroom where all the other contestants had been quarantined. I always like this little touch -- the couples crammed into a solitary room. It's very David Mamet. You just know we're missing out on some old-fashioned, well-articulated psychological power plays by Chuck and Shawn. But I digress, as usual. Anyway, Richard and Mindi returned amidst cheers of triumph, but at least one person was unhappy: Chuck. Yes, this poofy-haired, bloody-nosed med student has been Very Serious about the Journeys in the household, and Richard's constant "acting" has rightfully annoyed him. And just in case we thought Chuck might be blowing it all out of proportion, we then watched random footage of Richard yelling "Top of the morning t'ya!" to a statue and then sliding down a banister very, very slooooowwwly (turns out those extended thigh flaps increase friction and drag. Who knew?).
"I want to stay here, and I want to continue terrorizing Chuck!" Richard proclaimed to us. Whoa! Does this mean that Richard, the nerd, is actually a bully??? That can't be right. Oh wait, no, he's just that annoying kid brother type that needles and needles away at people until they snap -- kind of like how I was when I was eight... not TWENTY ONE! Or at least I hope...
Anyway, Brian McFayden, dressed uncannily like the Hamburglar, summoned the teams to his lair for a traditional, if not erroneous, pep talk. You see, McFayFay announced that the show was past its halfway mark and the remaining groups all had a one in four chance of winning the big prize. Luckily, fractional/probability stickler Chuck informed us that this wasn't totally the truth. "I resisted the temptation to point out that we were four sevenths, not half of the way through and that, um, having a one and four chance of winning the prize was contingent upon everybody's chances of winning being roughly equal." Well, duh! Thanks for clearing that up, Captain Obvious! Meanwhile, I'm quietly scratching out my planned dissertation, titled "Why Brian McFayden is wrong..."
Luckily, since Chuck resisted that insane temptation to correct our cardboard host (Chuck's version of Temptation Island: place him in an exotic resort full of people boasting erroneous fractions), Brian McFayden powered on. We learned that the challenge this week would be one big task split into two halves (Chuck just nodded approvingly). The women's half would deal with finance, or as Brian so coyly put it, "Make cents of dollars." Oh, get it! Because it's like he's saying "sense" but he said "cents" instead, because of the whole money thing. Wow, that was almost as good as last week when he was all "Fashion -- it's not rocket science. But ladies, you'll have to study rocket science." This man is HILARious!
Well, Lauren didn't seem to appreciate the punnage. Instead, she complained, "There's a lot of things I'd rather do than do math. I'd like to go work out, go jog, go to the beach, go shopping, go out, go to dinner. Anything but math." Anything, Lauren? How about get a colonoscopy? That's right, biatch. Don't be dissin' the math.
Anyway, as for the men's half of the challenge, they would have to face that most scary of situations: asking a girl for her number. And yes, a cold chill just swept through the homes of America's dorks. In order to prepare for the daunting challenge, the guys would first have to work their training wheels and ask one of their roommates (of the opposite sex, natch) out to dinner. Chuck immediately got down to business, targeting his late night rub-buddy, Scarlet. "Hey Scar," he said in a delightfully high-pitched voice. It was like watching Mickey Mouse ask someone to the sixth grade dance. By the way, I think Scarlet is beautiful, but seriously, we gotta work on that nickname. "Scar"? Why not go for the always lovely "Scab" or "Gash" or "Pus-filled wound"? Then again, it's kind of hard to do much with "Scarlet." Normally, I'd say just add a "y" to Scar, but then you'd have "Scary." And "Let" is sort of dumb. Basically, I think the best bet is to simply say "Scaaa." I know, it's kind of rough, but at least it's not reminiscent of bodily harm and emergency surgery.
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