Last but not least was Richard, whose makeover simply consisted of slipping him into some nice jeans and a simple blue button-down. Honestly, it would have been nice to see him with a different hairstyle. The Jew-puff is nice, but I've seen too many of my people suffer under its helmet-like stature. Nevertheless, despite his makeover's deceptively basic changes, the mere fact that Mindi brought an end to Richard's Hip Flaps of Doom is impressive in and of itself. Kudos to her (even though, as we'd later see, the hips would be back).

Oooh!

Ahhhh!

Eh...

Oy.

With the makeovers in place, it was time for the guys to take action. The couples relocated to Universal Citywalk (a.k.a. Cheesy Tourist Mecca of Los Angeles) where Brian McFayden announced the guys would have thirty minutes to collect as many numbers as possible. Helping them out would be their female partners who would assist via an earpiece. Oh, and Bill's big advantage from Lauren's earlier win: he'd start off with one bonus number. Wow. Now THAT is a huge reward! Brian McFayden then announced that the winner of this challenge would get an additional slice of bread with dinner, and, if he were lucky, some warm tap water to accompany the graham cracker dessert.

Anyway, the challenge finally began, and Chuck immediately transformed into a British gentleman as he cornered one woman and said, "I beg your pardon. I'm sorry to bother you." He then added, "I'm looking for the shoppe in the centre of town. My chum Nigel awaits!"

Shawn, however, had a fairly smooth start as he actually managed to talk to some girls, but when Scarlet gave him advice, he became distracted with his earpiece and eventually said, "Got this gooey thing in my ear. It's nasty." That might be marginally better than Richard's "I'm feeling ill" line, but a good rule of thumb: girls don't want to hear about gooey things in your ear -- nay -- anywhere.

As for Bill, he seemed to be benefitting from Lauren's shrewd lines. She had him tell some poor girl that he was throwing a VIP party, and of course she forked over her number in no time. Never mind that he was a total stranger and that "VIP Party" could be a vague term for "rape and murder session."

Also laying out the lies was Chuck who quickly shunned British politeness for gay sass. Yes, the chronic nose bleeder began telling women that he was not only a screenwriter doing research on the Citywalk (worst movie EVER), but that he was gay. "How many straight men do you know with highlights in their hair?" he asked. Somewhere, Ryan Seacrest blushed. Wow, two Seacrest jokes in one post. Very nice. Very nice indeed.

Faring poorly, of course, was Richard, who approached the challenge with the jokey self-defense mechanism that has somehow sustained him all this time. He actually managed to get a number from a girl, but his luck quickly turned sour as he propositioned a married lady. From that point on, his entire gameplan -- if there even was one -- went to shit, and he ultimately resorted to telling women that he was in the FBI and needed numbers. And even then he got nothing. I guess that's because most FBI agents don't look like the love child of Urkel and Eugene Levy.

While Richard struggled, Bill excelled. He even moved in on the two honeys Shawn had been working on for the past fifteen minutes. Awww... Bill's first cockblock. So sweet. My favorite part of Bill's game though was how he kept telling girls that he wanted to call them, but as he took down their digits, it was patently obvious that they were one of many numbers he had collected on his pad. Don't these women have any standards? I guess not because the final tally was six numbers each for Richard and Shawn (that Richard got so many was a total shock), while Bill pulled in ten and Chuck thirteen. So the lesson: always lie to women.

With Chuck winning the challenge, he told us, "There have been times where I wanted to approach someone and ask for their number, and I was sort of afraid to, and so that's something that I feel like I'll be more confident about now." So... you're more confident in telling girls you're gay? I'm a little confused. Nevertheless, Chuck and Caitilin once again became the power couple, and as the two deliberated, Richard decided to embrace his inevitable fate by donning a blindfold and sticking a fake cigarette in his mouth. Get it? He was facing the firing squad. AND he was being dumb. It really worked on so many levels.

Well, for the first time, there was actually some mild intrigue with the nominations. It was a given that Richard and Mindi would be headed into the Elimination Room, but what about the other two teams? Caitilin had a strong bond with Lauren (which we conveniently found out about, you know, JUST NOW) while Chuck had a permanent erection for Scarlet. Ultimately, since Chuck had put himself out on the line more than Caitilin during the challenge, his vote trumped hers, and Bill and Lauren were sent into the Elimination Room.

Knowing that she'd be facing some old fashioned math trivia, Lauren suddenly changed her tune about arithmetic. Whereas once she pined for jogging or eating or going out, the perky blonde now trumpeted her love of math. "I like to calculate things. In my cellphone," she said. Seriously though, typing in those numbers is like #2 behind orgasms.

Richard, meanwhile, responded to the nominations with (sigh) more lame comedy. "I go down with honor!" he yelled, mimicking a generic European officer. "You go down with ridicule, Rich," retorted Chuck. Oh SNAP! Homeboy just called you out, Richard! This was like the nerd version of the 50 Cent's latest feud with The Game.

Posted by B-side on June 28, 2005 1:50 AM