Anyway, does it bother anyone they keep calling this show a "social experiment" instead of the more truthful "a chance to laugh at dorky guys lusting over bimboboobies"? (Heh. Bimbo Boobies sounds like the slutty sister of Bilbo Baggins. Someone you just know that horny Samwise would be all over.) I thought I had a funny "social experiment" comment to make here, but looking back over my notes it seems I wrote "Tunc, har!" Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit amphetamines.

The Geeks pull up to the mansion in teeny golf carts. Too bad the producers didn't spring for Shriner cars. That would've ruled. Especially if they all had to wear a Fez. (The hat, not the statutory rapist. Although that would've ruled too.)

Here, in quick succession, are this season's Geeks: Josh, a 5'4", 104 pound museum critic and Woody Allen impersonator. He also takes medication to prevent anxiety attacks; Ankur, a member of the Indian Dance Club and inventor of the duct-tape bow tie; Chris, entrepreneur and Wolverine fanboy. ("He proved that hairy guys can get chicks.") Yeah, except this hairy guy; Tyson, a Rubik's Cube world record holder; Karl, a 12th Level Napoleon Dynamite Paladin; Wes, who tracks monkeys with lasers by using sharks with lasers attached to their heads; Joe, a speed-chess champion and aspiring rock drummer; and finally, Brandon, who may be a ringer.

Upon greeting the guys, host Mike Richards invites them into the house, where they gather in the library. "You are all here because you have one thing in common," he tells the gathered Geeks. "You all have humungous schlongs." Not really, but you know the Geeks were all thinking that. "You're all incredibly intelligent," Mike finishes. He then tells them they'll each be partnered with a Beauty, the hope being that the two groups will learn from each other (hence the "social experiment" angle). The Beauties will teach the Geeks Revenge of the Nerds was a fairy tale, while the Geeks will try to teach the Beauties the benefits of the mercy f*ck. Barring that, they'll settle for the third law of thermodynamics. The team that makes the biggest transformation at season's end will receive $250,000. (Anyone have any idea how this "transformation" is judged?")

Next, we get to meet the Beauties: Cher, a former Hooter's waitress and current beer spokesmodel; Sarah, a dental assistant not above using her huge tracts of land to get what she wants; Thais (aka Ty), a model who's never dated more than five, no six, guys at once; Tristin, a wicked-cool cocktail waitress and wicked-cool shot girl; Brittany, a tanning salon administrator who should've been born blonde; Jennipher, a camp counselor with an aversion to math and a thing for duct-tape; Amanda, who says, "When I see a large book, it's very intimidating to me. When I see a large menu, it's very intimidating to me."; and finally Danielle, who owns over 200 shoes and handbags.

Yes, they're real. And they're spectacular.

First up is Brandon, who thus far has given me nothing, other than he looks like Mr. Bean. Tristin picks Brandon, and together they select the fish-tank room. Ankur is next, and makes it clear he has no idea what this show's about when he tells the camera he can't work with morons, so he hopes a moron doesn't pick him. He gets picked by Jennipher, because "if he can make that bow tie, maybe he can make me a really cute belt." Yeah, from duct tape.

Tyson, who obviously knows a thing or two about impressing the ladies, demonstrates his world record technique for solving a Rubik's Cube, without looking! Cher is impressed, saying "if only we could harness his power for evil!" But not as impressed as Thais, who picks Tyson as her pet project. Upstairs in the room, however, Thais is a little worried about having to share a bed with Tyson. Is she afraid he'll try to solve her Rubik's Cube when the lights go out?

Posted by copygodd on January 15, 2006 11:13 PM