Adria: the Southern wife who thinks being fit is twice the fun. Look for her "Hang In There" kitty posters to adorn the house.
	Diane: I like that her dogs' names are Skeeter and Snoop Dogg. I like even more that she watches Pimp My Ride. Not so crazy about her love of Titanic. She says she wants to be on Big Brother to be on TV, so this might be candidate #1 for house drama queen. She also says she hopes there are no snotty women in the house, which means she probably is one.
	Drew: Hails from Ohio State, listens to Maroon 5 (and Coldplay too, of course), and loves Rolos. Hey everyone, the nice guy's here!
	Holly: a model in her "20s" who aspires to live life like a cat and have nine lives. Will that mean we'll want to kill her nine times? Judging by the fact that she mentions her cats about twelve times in her questionaire, I'm going to say the answer to that is probably yes.
	Jase: Meet this season's class clown. He likens his strategy to falling on the ground but missing a dog turd and has a non-sexual crush on Brad Pitt. Most worrisome is his regret over not being able to see himself on TV. Groan...
	Jennifer: Faintly purple hair, chest tattoo, love of the Flaming Lips. Watch out Wisconsin, there's an artsy hipster on TV! But maybe it's only skin-deep. After all, people who consider Bowling For Columbine one of the best movies ever tend to be of the poseur variety.
	Karen: Here comes the sassy one! She'll tell it like it is, she says, which has always been a tactic that worked in the past. Or not. Her favorite motto is "Don't piss in my ear and tell me its raining", which is like Judge Judy's book "Don't piss on my leg and tell me its raining", except with a more disturbing urination image.
	Lori: She describes herself as happy and her personal motto is "Just Smile", but her favorite movie is Donnie Darko and she loves Oasis. Hmmm... Could that sunny smile be just a facade? Methinks there will be many a teary-eyed confessional for this Bostonian.
	Marvin: Greetings token minority. You better pray to your hero, God, that outgroup bias doesn't bite you in the ass. Question: who will awkwardly try to earn bonus points with Marvin by babbling about civil rights or street cred first?
	Michael: Oh my. We have a live one here. Favorite TV show? Two and a Half Men. Favorite Movie: Luke Perry rodeo epic, 8 Seconds. Favorite activities: Roping, hunting. My cityfolk snobbery doesn't know where to start. I'll just say one thing: unironic cowboy hat.
	Mike: Uh oh. It's a single dad. Time for macho crying. Please let this not be a retread of Season 4's Robert and his treacly letters from home. I can't stand the bawling of yet another single parent who abandons his child to be on a reality show.
	Scott: Fresh from a Reagan vigil, Scott will have to spend the summer away from his favorite talk show, The O'Reilly Factor, and his favorite team, Team USA of course! He does love the Steelers (Hines Ward is highly regarded on this site), and people from Pennsylvannia have a knack for going far on these sort of shows. Look out for this guy...
	Will: Worships Oprah, Dolly Parton and women's gymnastics. Sounds fabulous!

Overall, this should be a fun, eclectic group. Many of the guests have aligned themselves politically on their questionaires - sort of uncommon - which leads me to believe this may be the venue for many uninformed and spastic political debates. Can't wait for Jennifer to spar off against Scott, or Karen to take on Mike. We might have to recruit Julie Chen to mediate what could be a full-scale war between fast-talking conservatives and emotionally inarticulate liberals.

I'm a little concerned for other reasons, though. The CBS website has all sorts of dainty fonts, and a new eavesdropping feature for the Head of Household suggests that lying may not be the key to success. Is Big Brother trying to clean up its act after last season's vitriol-fest? I sure hope not.

Check out the full profiles here.

Posted by B-side on June 30, 2004 3:56 PM