Tonight's finale might very well be remembered more for Julie Chen than anything else. Okay, that's an exaggeration, but the Chenbot threatened to distract us from the game itself with her unusual antics and crazy attire. It was bad enough that she made a weird sound at the top of the show, but then to top that off, she pranced around in a pin-striped leisure suit that was reminiscent of Madonna during her "Vogue" days. However, just to show that the Chenbot wasn't some rigid automaton, the wardrobe people made sure to keep the top button of her blouse open -- and same with the second and third and fourth button too. This sassy lady had an open shirt almost beyond her boobies. Oh Julie Chen, you sexpot. Of course, this is the season of Project DNA; so do not assume that this outfit had already reached its threshold of lunacy. The last touch to this noteworthy ensemble was a pair of giant cuffs that appeared to be as sharp as knives. The image of Julie Chen striking karate poses and then slashing a man's chest with her cuff immediately sprung to mind. I don't know if that's a good thing or not, but I thought it was damn funny.

You know, I make fun of Julie, but at least she acts like a rockstar. Literally. After she was done introducing the show, the cameras pulled back, revealing a live, sign-toting audience. Julie plowed her way through the masses like Tom Cruise on the red carpet. She shook hands, slapped five, and performed other functions that we never knew existed in her CPU. I guess the madness was too much though because after the opening credits, Julie was safely sequestered away in the studio, sealed off from the audience which quietly and distractingly sat outside the windows, looking off to the Big Brother doorway.

The show finally got underway as Julie segued us into a clip from the vile-tastic sequester house where Will and his unrelenting bitterness continued to eat away at the chipper jurors. Marvin - whose likability plummeted this episode - led a round table discussion about the final two guys in the house, Drew and Cowboy. It was sort of like the McLaughlin Group, except without the educated opinions. Natalie seemed to be the only one not overrun by personal emotions as she wisely commented "We're here to not be jealous. We're here to be just." Unfortunately, I think what the rest of the group heard coming out of her mouth was "Blah blah blah blah Jesus blah blah blah Adria."

Amongst the many unsubstantiated or self-serving comments being made, Nakomis noted that she and Michael had different strategies. She believed that blood was thicker than wine, she said. That would therefore explain why Nakomis put Michael up for eviction twice. Apparently Karen's wine is actually thicker than Cowboy's blood. Then again, Cowboy is only half-blood.

Hypocritical comments aside, there were a lot of compelling reasons why either Drew or Michael should have won, but the most convincing came from Drew, who in response to a question from the jury, noted that he had been Head of Household four times. He didn't deserve to win because he won so many competitions. He deserved to win because he had to put his neck out on the line and take care of a lot of people's dirty work in the process. Normally, I would credit someone like Cowboy who gets someone else to make the difficult decisions, but I must say that I never felt at any point that Michael was truly scheming or plotting that far ahead. He did have some shrewd moments, and he seems like a truly good and honest person, but based on game playing skills, I thought Drew deserved it.

Meanwhile, back to the jury. When cross-examining the final two houseguests, everyone asked fairly standard queries, and the guys had fairly standard answers. The only one who truly embarrassed himself in the process was Marvin who asked two spiteful and stupid questions. First he tried to call Drew out by rehashing some anti-Diane comments from the first week. But even more deplorable was his accusation that Michael was a racist. Marvin noted that Cowboy voted for him to leave three out of the four times he was up. Thankfully, Michael anticipated this question, and instead of stuttering or apologizing, he actually provided solid reasoning for his voting patterns, effectively making Marvin look like a complete idiot. Even his fellow jurors were offended by the dumb question.

Later, Julie asked Michael about winning the Grand Prize, and he responded that even if he loses he'll still have $50,000, to which Julie responded with a little singing. Yes, she sang - sort of. Julie did a little "Nah nah nah nah nah" childhood taunt as a joke. The Chenbot was on fire. At that point I thought surely her wires have been short circuiting. If only I knew her greatest awkward moment was still to come.

Posted by B-side on September 22, 2004 2:54 AM