TVgasm - Big Brother: House of Lying, Daggers: Meet the Big Brother Cast!

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To read more about this season, check out the article here. And hey, the new houseguests' bios are up. Noticeable trends: lots of Florida folks, lots of Cinnamon Toast Crunch fans, and lots of people who LOVE water. Also, so long you old fogeys. The most senior cast member is only 36. Boooo. Anyway, let's take a look...

	April: Big Brother fans, don't get too excited. This isn't Cowboy's hefty bride. No, April appears to be Lisa Kudrow's long-lost, Applebee's hostess of a sister. True, her bio claims she's a pharmaceutical sales rep, but seriously, this woman looks like she's spent the latter part of her life serving up "onion peels" and Diet Coke refills. She loves Extreme Makeover: Home Edition, The Bee Gees, planting (rolling eyes), Gobstoppers, Miller Light, and... water. Also ranking high: breathing. Yes, Middle America, April is your new favorite month of the year.
	Ashlea: Ladies and gentlemen, our first odd spelling. Ashlea (possibly pronounced Ash-Leah) hails from Florida where she works as a fashion design student -- a.k.a. potential idiot. She appears to be the total Oh My Gawd girly girl as evidenced by her love of girls' night out. Her favorite sports teams are the Miami Heat and the "New York Nicks," the latter of which we'll assume is some makeshift assemblage of New Yorkers named Nick. As for her favorite movie: the ageless classic, Mr. and Mrs. Smith. You just know she's going to be one of the people who gets to see a sneak peak of Paramount's latest crap-tacular August dud and rave, "Oh my god. It was so amazing. Ashton Kutcher is a genius." Oh, and as Madeyoulaugh has already noted, she got a nose job. Heh.
	Beau: Two snaps for the next Marcellas! Everyone meet Beau, the ab-fab personal shopper from Pembroke Pines, F-L-A. His favorite movies include Legally Blonde and Clueless, which he certainly watches while sipping from his favorite drink, the apple martini. Beau has no favorite bands (whither singing sensation Hot Caramel featuring Irene Cara?), but his favorite actress is... Dakota Fanning? That's not only creepy and gross, but... well, yeah, just creepy and gross. Now I hate you, Beau.
	Eric: Because it wasn't enough to have a low-rent Marcellas in Beau, the producers decided to mine Big Brother 3 again by presenting us with another New England firefighter named Eric. Yay! Eric serves as this season's de facto working man as he hails from Boston, MA -- reality TV's new favorite hot spot. And in case we didn't remember how blue collar he was, his favorites include Ladder 49, NYPD Blue, Robert DeNiro, Van Halen, hockey, and... water. Geez, what's with the water love, people? But maybe there's more to Eric than meets the eye. He seems in touch with his inner-metrosexual, professing love for Nicole Kidman, peanut butter protein bars, and Captain Morgan & Diet Coke. Also, he hates old school country. Does that mean that he likes LeAnn Rimes instead? That can't be popular at the firehouse.
	Howie: What's the forecast for Howie? If you said cloudy with a chance of ridicule, you might be right. Howie's an aspiring meteorology student whose geeky loves of Enter the Dragon, Star Wars, and, ahem, "reading meteorology" might be offset by his kickboxing prowess. Then again, his favorite bands are Hall & Oates and The Monkees, and his favorite TV shows include I Dream of Jeannie. Holy shit, this guy doesn't realize it's not 1978! Normally I'd snicker (well, I'm already doing that), but this is the summer of the geek, so hey, all power to him.
	Ivette: Finally, someone who looks like she might be cool. Serving as the third person hailing from Florida, Ivette's interests seem relatively hip and credible. Not sure how I feel about her liking The L Word and Will & Grace, but at least she also listed The Inferno. Hmmm... am I the only one picking up a mild lesbian vibe here? Ivette loses two more points for ranking Brittany Murphy as her favorite actress (cough, Little Black Book, cough), and saying you love The Killers is so Winter 2005. Also, I'm always wary of reality stars who hail from the food industry. Hey, maybe I don't like this girl after all.
	James: This guy LOVES the '90s! His favorites include Grosse Pointe Blank, Benny & Joon, Pearl Jam, and The Offspring. That's not to say he's blind to today's pop culture offerings. He does love Lil' John, after all, and since he's from Georgia, maybe we'll even get to see some lame whiteboy crunk action. Eh, it'll probably be just another hackneyed Dave Chappelle impersonation. By the way, James loves all Miami teams, making him the fourth person (including Ivette, Beau, and Ashlea) to have a boner for Florida sports. Oh, and he loves water and oatmeal cookies too. Exciting.
	Janelle: Yay! A sexpot! From Miami! Who loves the Miami Heat! More variety! Okay, this slut is pretty funny. Her occupation is "VIP Cocktail Waitress," which, by the way, is a highly skilled profession. For instance, unlike a normal cocktail waitress, a VIP cocktail waitress has to... uh...put down that little "Reserved" sign. That's hard work! What if she falls over? What if the sign falls over? What if she AND the sign fall over? Anyway, in case you couldn't already tell, the girls will all absolutely hate Janelle (but can she top the nails-on-chalkboard allure of last season's Holly?). Oh, and her favorite non-alcoholic beverage? Water! Magnificent! Can't wait for the Playboy spread!
	Jennifer: Don't let the Rachel Ray face fool you. This girl may be cute, but she's only an Arena Football cheerleader. If The Real World: Philly taught us anything, it's that we should never get too excited about the AFL. Let's see. What does she like... Will & Grace, Sex and The City, Newlyweds, and Meet the Barkers. So she has no taste. Great! At least she doesn't love Miami teams and water. I predict that she'll buddy up with Janelle but will eventually grow jealous and lash out in a bitter spat. Looking forward to that.
	Kaysar: No, not Gaydar. Kaysar. This guy is slightly awesome, only because he seems to have rejected all of CBS's stupid questionnaire. Films? No favorite. TV shows? No favorite. Actors? No favorite. Bands? No favorite. Hobbies, sports teams, outdoor activities, music, snacks, alcoholic drinks, NON-alcoholic drinks??? NO FAVORITE! HE HATES EVERYTHING! Ah, but his favorite cookie is Mrs. Fields white chocolate macadamia nut. Tee-hee! Okay, so basically, everyone's gonna hate this guy for being so introspective. He'll probably be one of the first to go, but if he makes it past the first week or two, he might be in for the long haul. After all, let's not forget Jee's run on Big Brother 4...
	Maggie: Wow, I've spent two seconds looking at her, and I'm already bored. Let's see... she's an emergency room nurse which means she'll probably be carrying on with the "you don't know what I'VE seen!" attitude. Her face looks mildly weathered for a 26-year-old, so she probably parties a bit, and I wouldn't be surprised if drama followed her around as well (much like Diane and Dana, from the past two seasons respectively). Maggie probably thinks she's a lot hotter than she is, which means she'll be quickly unhinged by Janelle and Ivette upon entrance to the house. Oh, and she loves "every kind of heavy metal." YES. White trash! Um, but why is Dave Matthews her favorite band? Never mind...
	Michael: An artist from Orange County? Why, it sounds like we found Kaysar's hidden ally. This guy seems to be all right. His tastes are fairly eclectic as his favorite bands are Guns N' Roses and the Crystal Method. His favorite music ranges from opera to electronic, and his favorite TV show is The Simpsons. He's got boyish good looks, and with such an open-ended questionnaire, it's clear this guy will most likely be the player of the household. You like opera? So do I! You like milk? Me too!!
	Rachel: Here's a question for you: who loves Practical Magic? You know, that witch movie with Nicole Kidman and Sandra Bullock? If you said "no one," you'd be wrong because Rachel LOVES it. Coming in at the ripe old age of 33 (seriously, where are the old folks this season?), Rachel seems destined to be the house mom. Her minivan-friendly bands of Barenaked Ladies, UB40, and Maroon 5 define the word "safe" and like April, she can spend hours crying over Extreme Makeover: Home Edition episodes. Maternal figures (as long as they're sweet and smiley) last long in this game, so I wouldn't be shocked to see her make the top four or five.
	Sarah: Aww... a pretty, bland girl to play in the corner. Sarah will most likely spend several episodes crying in the backyard (and the bathtub and the bedroom and the kitchen) as she slowly cracks under pressure. And when I say pressure, I mean choosing between Coke and Pepsi. This toothy retail manager likes her romantic comedies, her Drew Barrymore, her fruits and vegetables (yum!), and pretty much everything else (except rap. Black people are scary!). This is a ready-made pawn if I've ever seen one. If she's got any scheming chops, I'd be shocked.