NO SPOILERS WE HAVEN'T WATCHED YET!

DUMBASS!

You said it was LIVE bloging not tape delayed blogging. Either way, I'm sorry, didn't mean to be a cock, just misunderstood the mechanics of the internets.

Hi! As of tonight I am no longer a Big Brother virgin!!! I decided after all the TVgasm hype that I would check it out for myself and I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that you turned me into a fan! I'm not sure if I can keep up with all the nights that it is on though... I have to get Tivo. :(

I want to change the predictions I made in the who-will-win contest!!!!!!

8:43 PM
Janelle knocks over a topiary. It's a summer of secrets!!!!!

Absolutely hysterical... I can't wait for this season's recaps!

And I wonder if anything will happen in Eric v. Janelle, the Battle of the Blankets

Her shirt said "dude where's my coutoure?"

I meant Couture...

GNARKILL,

Sorry, we get very sensitive about Big Brother spoilers.

Remember all, posts about the recaps in here. Speculation and spoilers in the forums. TVgasm folks will join in the discussion now and then, but the readers really have free reign in there...

J-Unit,
No worries, I hate spoilers too. I thought if it had aired(pacific time) it was fair game. Hindsight reveals my stupidity. Will there be an exclusive TVgasm update on the "Amish In The City" stars from Kevan?

Please post a pic of Janelle in her "VIP" Cocktail waitress outfit. I believe she was wearing baggy granny panties to hide her sack.

I'm surprised you didn't mention that Howie had to inform everyone that he "made the 1st fart on BB." As if we really wanted or needed to know.

It's official, I don't like him or Rachel - I'm choosing her because her reasons for picking Kaysar and AshLEA were because "they didn't get to know ME, I'm HoH" dammit.

I don't like Eric. How many times do we have to hear how eeeee-vil and scheming women are? I wonder what his wife thinks of this?

Notice that the cast is primarily white? There is an arab guy and a very swishy black guy. Where is the really angry black woman? We need her to blab about respect and representin'...!

I'd like to make a guess as to who is buddies with whom (or should that be "who?") I think that Michael and Kaysar are one of the two groups of friends. Anyone else can to venture a guess?

That should be "care" to venture a guess.

I like, Julie.

How come nobody is speculating on the secret pairs? Here's my guess: Howie & Rachel; Eric & Michael; Maggie & Ivette; James & Sarah; Janelle & April, Jennifer & Kaysar; and Beau & Ashlea.

If you check out Michaels website,one of his pencil scetches looks like it's of Janelle,so I'm guessing they are one pair.

Although April is older than Methuselah, and thus a likely candidate to say "smote," I'm pretty sure she said that Team Orange "smoked" Team USA (from the '04 summer games in Greece, get it? Larry Brown is a beitch).

As far as Jenelle goes, I wish you guys would show a little more compassion for pre-op transexuals. (S)he won't always have balls, you know. Hopefully, (s)he gets to keep the dick (whether in a jar or on her body).

Our cable boxes were fried by lightning at 7:57... My bride and I watched on a 2" LCD so we missed all the lower third text with the whispering. Why doesn't CBS have a MSCBS? We could watch The Apprentice 14 times a week (not that three times wasn't enough)!

As if there hasn't been enough coverage of the runaway bride this year, now not only is she in the BB house, but she is HOH as well!

HOw did you all neglect to mention them showing Beau giggling like a 13 year old girl when Eric called him one of the girls? The editors had to be pissing themselves when they spliced that together!

Horrible. Everyone looks alike. They're all beautiful with great bodies (well most), there's no cowboy or nakomis or old person or fat person or anything. I hate it.

Which I am kind of glad about, now I won't have to watch for an hour 3 times a week and I can do other things.

p.s. there are no transexuals on the show, geesh.

p.s.s. I'm just upset that all these shows go Hollywood and get rid of the reason I watched in the first place.

Oh to be there with you all, holding hands as we watch Big Brother together. SIGH! And then to have Kevan drop in, WTF!!! That NEVER happens in Canada, unless of course I was living in Edmonton and some scorned Bachelorettes paid me a visit.

As for Rachel, I love how her occupation is "Horse Breeder" because it made me wonder: is this because she looks like a horse and intends to breed?

Love the Chenbot farting on the seat!!

I've never watched BB before. I tuned it because of this site. Julie Chen bugs the wholly crap out of me. Has anyone else noticed that she moves her head for every single word???? Literally, with each word thre's a new movement. I had to keep turning it off when they went back to her.

Glad someone posted what that chick's shirt said. I couldn't figure it out either.

Oh and btw, has anyone checked out the BB6 site? These people's profiles are so boring!!!!!

Brian, how did you find Michael's site?

I just noticed on your banner honoring Chenbot....is that a hockey stick embedded in her forehead in one of the picks?

Christy,

To make the Chenbot's head movements go by quicker, try this little game:

Each time she moves her head up or down, say "Yes". each time she moves it side to side, say "No".

It's hilarious!

J-Unit,

Its not so much a game as it is a way to piss of people you are watching the show with who actually want to hear what is being said for the sake of content for their website. At least, thats why I was doing it.

MYL

Actually, I think that Ivette's lover looks like a cross between Piggy and ex-MTV VJ Kennedy.

B-side or J-unit;

Can you please tell me the first reference you made about Julie Chen as "Chenbot." Where in the archives can I find it? Thanks.

Is it me or does James have a lisp that is gayer than Beau? I think they are a secret couple, why else would Julie mention "significant others" and show the lesbians girlfriend (who looks like that skinny anorexic girl they profile on Entertainment Tonight and The Insider every week who now lives with a huge woman).

i must concur with genevieve on the homogeneity of this year's houseguests. maybe two of the girls don't bear obvious signs of cosmetic enhancement (by the way--nice adam's apple, jenelle), and aside from quasar and marcellus 2.0, everybody is white (ivette maybe latina and a lesbian, but she's a miami cubana, which means she votes republican and has a 'free elian' t-shirt stashed somewhere, so for all intents and purposes, she's a honky).

where's marvin when you need him? a bonafide wiseass horny black dude or a 'no-you-di-in't' finger-waving sister could really liven up this group of aspiring actor/models.

my favorite line of the night was when rachel revealed that she was 33 and the whole gang was like 'oh-muh-gawd we'd never guess you were so OLD.' yep. 33. she'll be needing a walker before the end of the summer.

I like the Chenbot's secret pair.

Heh heh... I made a boobies joke.

By the way, Kevan is still hot.

yes, rachel has crazy-eyes like that runaway bride chick, and april looks like dried-up lisa kudrow. i think the guys all have weird bodies once their shirts were off, especially michael. oh yeah....and kaysar's pit stains were sexy. he'll be around awhile.

You guys kill me. That was the funniest thing ever. A Kathy Bates shit joke. Fucking brilliant. I spent all day on my pissant little recap , and you guys blow it out of the water in an hour.

Thank You for the Live Blog Event! I watched a couple eps of BB1 back in the day and was bored silly. The ChenBot should so cut TVgasm in for a piece of the CBS Honey Pot for brainwashing ... er, encouraging all your loyal readers to watch this trash.

Thanks for the screenshots, too. I have an itty bitty B & W TV circa 1975 and miss out on the technicolor wackiness.

Am I the only one who wants Kaysar to dip his Pita into my Taboule? Grrowl!

Christy, Michaels website is :www.michaeldonnellan.com
if you look at the pencil scetches,the third one in the first row and the first one in the second row look like Janelle.

Eddiebosox ~ You have a site, too? OMG - the whole world is a blog!

I love to hate Howie. Whatta maroon!

reality slut,
I'm friendsw with sg-dub who does some recaps here and we have our own little tv make fun of site as well.

http://weakisht.blogspot.com/

Not as funny as the master that is B-side though.

"Julie Chen describes the reward challenge, saying the goal is to get the balls in the big kahuna's mouth. I didn't know Les talked so dirty, Julie. You nasty girl!"

Hilarious! I can't believe I missed that when I watched it.

Oh, and any bets on if/when this season will become "Big Brother: S.O.S."? :)

ha!

P.S. Kiss her Kaysar! heheheh

P.P.S. Is this any relation to the Summer of Secrets ABC has going on with their soap operas?

One guy called this the best looking group of women the show ever had on. Clearly he only just got his eyesight. I'd rank this the least attractive group overall. There are a couple of very goodlooking women (natural or supergroomed) and then a bunch of fair to middling.

Clearly the fireman's partner is a guy. When he read Kaysar the four-way alliance he included K, K's teammate and another guy. So that must be his plant.

So far, these people are annoying.

I think Maggie looks sort of like a long-haired Chloe Sevigny, like circa "Boys Don't Cry"...

Brian, Michael's sketches aren't of Janelle, they're of Victoria from The Amazing Race. Not only do they look like Victoria and not Janelle, one is titled "Victoria".

Also, Michael's alliance is so clearly with Kaysar, they couldn't be more obvious.

Lyynster,

I so said that last night. Thank you for validating my Chloe commentary.

MYL

eddiebosox,

this took so long, you don't understand. At one point, I thought about a catheter.

genevieve,

We'll eventually get sick of the Janelle is a man jokes...maybe.

Jill,

http://www.tvgasm.com/archives/big_brother/000155.php

Our first Chenbot reference. I actually cribbed it from freakgirl at toomuchfreetime.net . But we like the name and ran with it.

J-Unit, I love you....you are just too, TOO funny!!

Brian, thank you for posting th site. How do you guys find these things??? You're right, those pics do look like Janelle - and he's quite talented as well.

P.S. Damn you guys for getting me to watch yet ANOTHER reality show. I used to be the "anti-reality TV" girl - now I think I watch more than my mom and I used to make fun of her!!! I need to turn her on to this site - she'll love it.

I don't even watch the damn show, and I am walking around the house saying, "chenBOT!" It is the perfect tourette's word... DAMN YOU, tvgasm! :O)
(p.s. must love a website that refers to Kathy Bates taking a dump and Tin man chic...

I was always a big Kevan fan. I was the only one of my friends who watched that show. Every non amish person was pretty much a worthless waste of space, but he was cool. They ripped him apart pretty bad too.

Your pic of Janelle makes her look like she's growin a 'stache... love it. It will go with the twig and berries she's hiding.

Jack- marcellus 2.0, you've got me peeing my pants.

As much as I can't stand the Chenbot, I have to admit this season looks like it could be the best one they ever did. And I thought it would be hard to beat Will and Chill Town and Lucky or Curly or whatever the fuck the gay guy's name was (somebody help me out here). Although I am a little disappointed there is no house freak (unless you count Janelle), these young kids will all be killing eachother for mirror time- that alone will be entertaining.

Anybody else have the thought that looking at stainless steel living room walls for 3 months would be enough to induce seizures/insanity?

Bring on the madness.

After going through the bios to locate hometowns, ages, professions, I've come up with a pretty solid idea of the pairs:

Sarah and Howie
Kaysar and Michael
April and Jennifer
Eric and Rachel
James and Maggie
Ashlea and Beau
Ivette and Janelle
Eric and Rachel
Maggie and James

The last four pairs are very sketchy, as there is too much conflicting info. But I'm pretty confident on the ones before that.

This is all assuming, of course, that they have a pre-existing relationship. They never made clear last night if the pairs were paired based on a prior relationship or randomly before they went into the house.

http://forums.tvgasm.com/forum.php?req=thread&id=70

they've been discussing possible alliances in the forums.

Did Jennifer actually tell anyone she is a dancer for an Arena Football team? I thought she said she getting her masters.
Also, did she really say she didn't know what to do on that exercise bench, while giggling flirtatously? This from a cheerleader/dancer who's bio says she likes working out. MmmmKay. Does anyone know if it is the Dallas Desparados she dances for? So many questions!

This is the first time I've watched Big Brother, and it is all thanks to your funny recaps.

i miss Will.

Some of the pairs are:

Sarah and James - this one is certain
Eric and Maggie - both from Boston/Vegas
Kayser and Michael - both graphic designer in southern Cali
April and Jennifer - both from Houston
Rachel and Howie - the HOH competition seemed to confirm it

The last four are kind of hard to figure out. Probably Ivette and Janelle and Beau and Ashleag

You either call him DR. Will or the Puppetmaster. You DO NOT call him "Will".

The man deserves RESPECT.

Eddiebosox,

C'mon, its not like he won or anything.

MYL

The hole in the wall is really a door to Narnia...

Gidget,
The "hockey stick" you spoke of is really a boomerang... on last season's show (if I remember correctly, and I'm sure there will be plenty of people to right my wrongs), contestant Will was leaving the house and did not want to say goodbye to fellow contestants Adria/Natalie, and he told them that Karma was a boomerang and that since they schemed to get him out, someone would do the same to them. Adria/Natalie were confused and thought Karma was someone's name, not a concept.
Anyway I presume TVgasm's genius minds came up with that little design after those comments...

I think that Yvette and James are a pair. I was reading there "my space" profiles (thanks to reality blurred) and they both have a shared friend. Some guy named Rob.

Even though they seem very opposite I think they are definatly a pair.

Someone posted on another board that, April was wearing a "fire fighter" shirt!

I figured this isn't a spoiler since it is just pairs and not who wins so I'm sorry if it is a spoiler but here it goes.

Maggie-Eric-He saved a woman's life in Las Vegas which is her home town
April-Jennifer-sisters?
Ivette-Janelle?-Both from Miama Beach
Ashlea-Beau-The other Floridians
Micheal-Kaysar-Live near each other-both used to live in the middle east-I think I heard they both once were graphic designers
Howie-Sarah-Both from Chicago
Rachel-James?-by default

Once again sorry to everyone if this counts as a spoiler.

I forgot to put a ? after Ashlea and Beau

More silicone than San Jose ...This big brother might be the lamest considering that other countries have there BBs actually do manual labor ...

http://www.epicempire.com/

'eric: ...and i'm gonna turn up the heat in the big brother house.' ...and then turn it down to an appropriate and safe heat per my fire safety training.