Some of you probably read that first paragraph and thought to themselves "Whoa, J-Unit didn't mention Julie Chen at all. Maybe he isn't as obsessed as the rest." Sorry folks, you are dead wrong. Thursday is my favorite night because of the Chenwatch. Like sg-dub, I prepare for my Chenema and relish the effects. Some may question our obsession, but if you take the time to observe the Chen, you will know what makes us so happy about her. For the novices, we gave you a little Julie head bob game to play (say yes for an up and down motion, say no for side to side), but there are many things to notice for the neophyte Chenthusiast. Just watch. And enjoy.

After a little recap from the first week (the new announcer and intro bug me as well), the Chen got us started, and oh my God, did it look like she was anxious. You know how when you have a dog and it hears your car pulling into the driveway and it waits for you behind the screen door, waiting to pounce as soon as you get in? That was Julie in her first few moments of the show. And it just got better from there. I guess it is live, so there is a lot of pressure, but Julie took an extended look down just to make sure there was still a step. And when they panned out, I finally discovered why. Her pants were so big, she probably had trouble seeing her feet (you think Les gets excited when she has open toes on air?). The first episode and already the wardrobe is a disaster. She had these capri pants on that made it look like she raided the Viacom refuse bins for a pair of one of MC Hammer's more conservative pairs of pants, and took the hem up a bit. Julie, don't stop. DON'T EVER STOP.

Things aren't going so well for Julie early on, which means that there is a good chance that there is going to be plenty of shit to laugh about early in the show. I am not sure if the new set had a new TelePrompTer, but Julie seemed to have had trouble reading some lines and messed up a few times. Luckily, it looks like the cameras are positioned in a similar enough fashion that when it was time for her to pause, turn her head, look into camera 2 and say "But First!", she delivered her signature line with poise. That's our girl.

While the producers gave Chenbot a little bit of a fix, we got to see a bit more footage from the house. It was time for the nominees to do damage control, and Ashlea was up first. She had to work on getting votes, and if there was a woman in the house (or a decent facsimile of one) that needed a vote, Howie was the best bet. Right away, Ashlea started on Howie. I am not sure why she though Howie would help her after all of that great effort he gave her in the veto competition, but you can't knock a girl for trying. While it was intriguing for Howie to think of himself in a house with just a bunch of women, it didn't look like he was convinced that an eye candy voting method would be all that beneficial.

And what about all of those girls with beautiful bodies? I would have to say that Maggie is the least attractive, but if she had to make her living strutting around in lingerie and had huge fake boobs, I think she has some potential. I have loved Chloe Sevigny since "Last Days of Disco," and Maggie does have at least a passing resemblance.

Anyway, Howie isn't the only person taking notice of all of the hot women. Michael was lying in bed with Jennifer, using one of the oldest tricks in the book. If you are caught staring at somebody's exposed (or nearly exposed) nipple while they are lying next to you in a bikini, simply move your hand over and re-adjust the bikini, saying that you "were afraid" her boob would pop out and somebody would notice. Very rarely is the girl stupid enough not to notice, but it does save the awkward conversation that stems if she chimes in first with a "Were you just looking at my boobs?" or "Are you enjoying the show?" or "I am not going to sleep with you, you stupid drunk bastard."

Posted by J-Unit on July 15, 2005 12:31 AM