The First Cut is the Deepest - 
by J-Unit
The last thing we had to do before we left for the night was the HOH competition, yet another source of Julie Chen moments. I wasn't to stay excited, however, as the game took a lot of what Julie usually does during the HOH competition out of her hands. Each person was asked a True or False question. If anybody got the answer wrong, they were eliminated. If everybody answered correctly, the last person to buzz in would be eliminated. The loser's answer box would flash, so Julie wouldn't have to do an ad lib for any of it. In a surprise, Janelle lasted all the way until the end. I have been going on the pretense that she is an idiot, so being able to answer all of the questions right so quickly impressed me, even if the questions were things like "True or False, the cabinets are green." Janelle finally lost out to Eric, which is not a surprise, since he was the only person in the house with a bigger chin than her. Also did you notice her "You Boar Me" t-shirt with the picture of the, uh, boar? Janelle LOVES punny t-shirts.
When Eric won, he simply went ballistic. He was jumping and shouting and screaming "Yeah!!" It's like he was watching the birth of his first baby or just got accepted to Phoenix University. His intensity is going to start pissing people off very quickly. We learned during Julie's final words that he has been trying to get people to sleep at 11:30(!!) and wants the lights out. I guess having his own room will make him less annoying in that regard, but having the HOH power is quickly going to go to his head. I predict lots of disaster as his alliances fall when people see they don't want to go very far with such an asswipe.
Considering that Big Brother usually starts slow, I am happy with how this first week turned out. There is a lot of debate about how good all of the pairings are going to be, but I think it will be interesting because people know what alliances are in the house and who is influencing who. This just leads to more scheming, and whenever reality contestants use their brains, the results are usually pretty good. Just ask Jennifer, who described the house as very egocentrical. It takes a lot of intelligence to come up with a non-sensical suffix like that (funny TV blog writers excluded, of course). It seems that I have rambled on almost as long as B-Side, so maybe I'll just put the keyboard down and drink some straight vodka to put me to sleep. You probably didn't need to know that second part, but oh well.
How was the first eviction? Who will Eric nominate? Who will go next?
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Comments
That video is one of the classic Chenbot malfunctions -- right up there with last season's Chenbot awkward pause when announcing the winner of Big Brother 5. Hilarious.
And seriously, what's the deal with Eric trying to get the lights out at 11:30? If I were in the house, my only strategy would be to evict him.
Posted by: b-side | July 15, 2005 12:53 AM(#1 of 40)
Chenwatch,Chenema,Chenthusiast,Chenbot.
I am glad you made up for not mentioning her in the opening paragraph! I was worried! As for the awkward silence, her Atari 2000 mechanism for answers got stuck for a moment: it was either, "I would have to agree" or "I need my Harry Smith fix now!" Fortunately, she chose correctly. The TENSION!
Posted by: Helenann | July 15, 2005 1:10 AM(#2 of 40)
Great summary of the show. You always crack me up. You forgot to mention the Chenbot's final stumble at the end of the show when she asked us to log on to C...CBS.com.
Posted by: gasmeister | July 15, 2005 3:48 AM(#3 of 40)
Guess it was time for Trashlea to hit the road. I think the bald guy thinks he's Tony Soprano. I think Howie is gay too, that is his secret!
Posted by: katieshole | July 15, 2005 4:17 AM(#4 of 40)
Super re-cap...but then aren't they always?! I also think that Janelle is really MANelle! LOL
Posted by: sherryer | July 15, 2005 6:04 AM(#5 of 40)
SUMMER OF SECRETS! seriously, these recaps make the show watchable. i dropped out of big brother love somewhere around bb3 - thank you for bringing me back into the fold!
Posted by: nicole s. | July 15, 2005 6:44 AM(#6 of 40)
J-Unit, you forgot to mention that when The Chenbot was finishing up w/ interviewing Ashlea, she reminded Ashlea that this season was the Summer of Secrets afterall and "you that you never know what is going to happen next" at which time Ashlea said, "maybe I get to comeback"... I think this is where the Chenbot said, "What did you say"? (As if she had just revealed one of the secrets)
I know for a fact that right after sparks, wiring and some coils came out of her head.
Posted by: Popstar28 | July 15, 2005 6:47 AM(#7 of 40)
I did the whole "yes" and "no" thing while watching the Chenbot. Even though I was alone, I was giggling like a little schoolgirl! Everyone should try it!
Posted by: Lyndsay | July 15, 2005 7:01 AM(#8 of 40)
Popstar,
Yes, I wrote it down, but totally forgot to recap it. YOu described it well. Julie acted surprised like "Wait, how did she know?" Then realized it's because they have done it before and said "Well, you never know" Another close moment for the Chen!
-J
Posted by: J-Unit | July 15, 2005 7:10 AM(#9 of 40)
Since you had nothing for the pairing of Rachel and Howie, you can have mine: horse mouth and horse's ass.
Posted by: zeldar | July 15, 2005 7:35 AM(#10 of 40)
You crack me up. You are so dead on re the Chenbot. She's easily the WORST reality show host ecer and that takes some doing, having to compete with the ones over at Fox's disasters. I eagerly await the rest of the BB6 writeups. Call me dumb, but I STILL don't know what a MILF is.
Posted by: Tony A. | July 15, 2005 7:41 AM(#11 of 40)
Ew! Ew! If Eric told me to turn the lights out at at 11:30pm, I would piss in his lemonade. He's gross and needs to go.
Posted by: Caroline | July 15, 2005 8:03 AM(#12 of 40)
I missed the first half of the show due to a Tivo malfunction! The only thing that kept me from full on panic was knowing I could come here to find out what happened. Thank you for the video, that was classic!
Posted by: scorpiella | July 15, 2005 8:17 AM(#13 of 40)
"It says 'I choo-choo-choose you' and it has a picture of a train!"
Ralph Wiggum looks pretty good post-op.
Posted by: sam | July 15, 2005 8:38 AM(#14 of 40)
(Re: Janelle's punny t-shirts): We can hope that Janelle is sounding the death knell for these shirts by giving them national exposure week after week. Seriously, at a party at gay ski week this winter, 80% of the guys had on these "witty" shirts. The cleverness has passed, people!
(For Tony A): MILF = "Mom I'd Like to F**k"
Posted by: mikey | July 15, 2005 8:50 AM(#15 of 40)
Now that I have found tvgasm and can read your recaps of the Julie Chen experience, I'm starting to find BB enjoyable to watch. When she looked alarmed that the already-oh-so-obvious cat might be out of the bag when Ashlea said maybe she'll be back, I cracked up because I was thinking that the Chenbot's programmers didn't prepare her for Ashlea's accurate comment!
Posted by: Ashes | July 15, 2005 9:03 AM(#16 of 40)
I got only 3 out of 7 pairs right?! That's horrible. I stink.
Tony A.- MILF=Mother I'd Like to... You get the picture.
J-Unit: No Offense but you are nuts. You are obsessed!
I hate how they always complain about "having" to eat PB&J. There are people starving to death in other parts of the world. Survivor contestents have to eat rice! For crying out loud!
"Rachel & Howie: I got nothing". They are friends. How can she be friends with Howie! Then again she does have creepy eyes and he is just creepy. Maybe they are friends.
The crossed finger thing shows how much they love eachother. It was adorable. If I were them though I would agree with the other to flirt with every other person of the opposite sex so that they don't suspect us as a couple.
zeldar-well said, well said.
Okay I'm done.
Posted by: tv freak | July 15, 2005 9:05 AM(#17 of 40)
As for the awkward Chenbot pause after Janelle deemed Howie the funniest guest... it took me a second to figure out, but I guess his nickname for Janelle was Janey... but if you didn't know that wouldn't you think it was weird to have someone thank another person who wasn't in the house?
Posted by: Greg | July 15, 2005 10:01 AM(#18 of 40)
You forgot to mention the ultimate annoyance of James and Sarah: They are the "loves of each other's lives" but have only been dating for 4 months. 4 months, people!
DOES NOT CHENPUTE!
Posted by: rachyo | July 15, 2005 10:02 AM(#19 of 40)
dear god, somebody in the green room must have mistaken the chenbot for a coffee maker and poured water in her ear. we haven't seen that many glitches since last summer's mid-season upgrade. with every whirr and pop beneath her skull-cap, i could anticipate the forthcoming snark from tvgasm, and you did not disappoint.
watching the chenbot in action is sort of like a scientology audit. i'm losing my will to resist. hopefully the cult of chen isn't as down on pharmaceuticals as tommy-boy. wouldn't want all these xani-bars to go to waste.
as for ashlea, well, at least there's one less set of shriveled balls in the house. hopefully eric will follow soon. he strikes me as precisely the type of person who will turn the HOH experience into a good excuse for massive backlash. gotta admit, i was really hoping janelle and her adam's apple would take the HOH competition. watching her nearly pull of the win was almost as hypnotic as the precious, cross-eyed gaze of my beloved mechanical goddess. really folks--can you blame les for leaving the wife and kids? not since the truth about mary hart's alien origins was revealed has such magnificent subversive power eminated through the television airwaves. all hail, mistress chen.
Posted by: jack | July 15, 2005 10:04 AM(#20 of 40)
Great recap. I don't know if I read the recaps to liven up the show or watch the show to get the recaps. "It's a Summer of . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Awkward Pauses !" The technicians have got to take off the Chen's head and update some of her programming. I fear for her and your safety if they don't cuz' you know if she goes critical she's going to take out a least fifty city blocks.
I was seriously wondering if one of the twists was that April was Jennifer's Mom. Keep up the great work.
Posted by: Johnny B. | July 15, 2005 10:09 AM(#21 of 40)
rachyo,
I also liked when James said "It's definitely one of my more serious relationships". Methinks she is more head over heels than he is, and by the way he was talking about her problem talking strategy, it seems like he would break up with her in a second if she messes up with the plan.
Posted by: J-unit | July 15, 2005 10:11 AM(#22 of 40)
You have to do a full video recap of all of Chenbot's mistakes last night. Her hard drive must be about to crash.
Posted by: Bob | July 15, 2005 11:39 AM(#23 of 40)
I am so dissapointed that everyone figured it out in the first week...That's BS. Janelle bores me, BB bores me, I'm moving to a country that doesn't have addictive television...
Posted by: smithie | July 15, 2005 12:35 PM(#24 of 40)
J-Unit,
I totally agree. Also, the way the edited it - cutting from
Sarah: He's the love of my life
to
James: Yeah, we've used the L-Word...
I think they're definitely not on the same page either in their "relationship" or in terms of playing the game.
Summer of Secrets!
Posted by: rachyo | July 15, 2005 12:35 PM(#25 of 40)
Damn, you, J-unit! I've had that stupid Sheryl Crow song in my head all day now.
"The first cut is the deepest,
Baby I know..."
Posted by: Lyndsay | July 15, 2005 12:58 PM(#26 of 40)
James: "We've used the L word."
Are they lesbians?
Posted by: b-side | July 15, 2005 1:02 PM(#27 of 40)
you missed the best part! Stupid CBS showed the voting diary for Janelle in the first segment, before the big reveal of the teams- and instead of admitting that Ashlea was her partner she bad-acted her "ordeal" of who to choose- with dramatic hand clenched on her forehead "I just don't know- you guys are making me CHOOSE between Ashlea and Kaysar! Its so hard! I just don't know what to do!" dramatic performance- best part of show. Typical BB- would have been hilarious if they'd shown it AFTER we knew her partner was Ashlea. I only caught it on second (for shame, I know) viewing.
Posted by: Alice | July 15, 2005 1:49 PM(#28 of 40)
J-Unit, I have to agree, Sarah is way more into James than vice versa. I really liked the sad face James had when they went through each of the pairs together. I had to rewind and freeze frame on him because of the sad, beat-down expression on his face. I was really hoping for a screen shot of that.
Posted by: mountain girl | July 15, 2005 2:36 PM(#29 of 40)
I can't take too much more of this love fest. It seemed like most of the last half hour was houseguests just randomly hugging eachother. They all must hug when Ashlea leaves. Then they all must hug when Eric wins HOH. Did I miss you? I can't remember. Let me hug you again. Just chentastic...
Posted by: Chenbot Malfunction | July 15, 2005 4:24 PM(#30 of 40)
Go Kaysar! And Manelle! You are the only two HGs that I can stomach. Sarah needs to dump James ASAP and then join the good side. I think its funny that Rachel's HoH blog says that she thinks they are brother and sister.
Posted by: Burka | July 15, 2005 7:38 PM(#31 of 40)
Yay! Kaysar! Kaysar! Kaysar ALL the way!
Am I the only one who wishes to be his prayer mat? 5 times a day, people! *drool*
Posted by: reality'slut | July 15, 2005 7:42 PM(#32 of 40)
***CHENBOT ALERT*** Julie is scheduled to make her first ever appearance on "Late Show with David Letterman" Tuesday night. Live (to tape) and UNSCRIPTED. Dave has a running feature "More with Les" where he calls Mr. Chen on the phone to talk about CBS, so anything is fair game. I can't wait...
Posted by: museglet | July 16, 2005 1:11 PM(#33 of 40)
Ah! Thanks, Mikey! Until now I was thinking it stood for "Middle Incione Loud Female" or some such! Duh!
Posted by: Tony A. | July 16, 2005 5:36 PM(#34 of 40)
Thatps "INCOME", dammit!
Posted by: Tony A. | July 16, 2005 5:37 PM(#35 of 40)
Some awesome news from the feedwatchers.****NO SPOILERS DUMBASS*****
Posted by: burka | July 16, 2005 10:47 PM(#36 of 40)
hehehehe from their bios...favorite bands:
james - pearl jam, pete yorn...
sarah - pearl jam, pete yorn...
after 4 months, they are turning into the same person? or is sarah just so in love that she loves everything james loves?
Posted by: ldini79 | July 18, 2005 12:30 AM(#37 of 40)
when james announced that clinton was RESPONSIBLE for enron (!!!!) and tyco (!!!!), and oh yeah whitewater was the same (gee---$40,000 OR $400 million?), and THEN he said carter was responsible for iraq because of the bad intlligence from the last part of the 70's, before reagan, bush daddy or even clinton, i was proud of my man for at least knowing the 2 democratic pres. of the past 30 years, for causing all the problems. need an intervention with real world fireman danny and his one eye who yelled that iraq was resopnsible for 9/11 would be great--maybe these morons can hug it out.
Posted by: museglet | July 18, 2005 2:53 AM(#38 of 40)
I love how you guys have a complete video archive of chenbot malfunctions.
Posted by: Eddiebosox | July 18, 2005 7:14 AM(#39 of 40)
ERIC HAS GOT TO GO!!!!!
Posted by: me | July 18, 2005 7:57 AM(#40 of 40)