After a dizzying two weeks of action-packed drama, the show finally came back down to the stratosphere last night as we followed the humdrum activities of the household while it braced for some of the most predictable nominations yet. Before we even got to that, however, we needed to hear the cast's reaction to Eric "Cappy" Littman's eviction. "I love that man!" yelled Ivette into the camera, adding, "The only thing I love more than Cappy is YELLING. BECAUSE I LOVE TO YELL!!!!" Honestly, she must have broken two or three microphones during her interview. This might also explain why at 11:45 AM on Thursday morning, I heard, out my window, a Latina screaming "I love that man!" By the way, have we actually figured out why Ivette loves Eric so much? Is it because of his sob story about going into the burning building with his partner? Or is it because his cue ball head and pouty nature remind Ivette of a newborn baby and/or an M&M? I guess we'll just have to wait for her memoirs, which I'm hoping she'll title, "I AM AN IDIOT!"

Janelle's reaction to Eric's departure was much more enjoyable: "I just kind of sat back and watched his little friends hug him goodbye." Well, I wouldn't call them "little." After all, they do tower over Cappy by about a foot or three. I wonder if Eric has black-and-white nightmare flashbacks to traumatic childhood games of Monkey In The Middle. Eh, he's probably more tormented by the notion of someday having to wear less than four different Las Vegas Fire Department garments at once.

Anyway, as people continued to comment about Eric's eviction, we saw footage of him leaving the house. And then the camera zoomed in on Jennifer. Aaaaaand she was silent yet again. Phew! I thought she might, you know, say something.

With Cappy finally gone, it was now time to relive the travesty that was the Head of Household competition. We watched yet again as Maggie singlehandedly killed the momentum of the past week and ascended to the HOH throne. She was then hugged/attacked by all the people who had actually just voted against her. Yes, her alleged alliance rallied to her side, and it somewhat shocked me that none of Kaysar's group even thought to exploit the fact that these four people (Ivette, Beau, April, and Jennifer) had been the only ones to explicitly move to oust Maggie. Had I been in the household, I surely would have not only pointed this out, but told Maggie that if she didn't nominate one of her crew, then she'd be put on the chopping block as soon someone from my alliance was in power. You know, tighten the reins a bit. Make her sweat under Cappy's hat.

Anyway, back to the HOH competition. As Maggie celebrated her victory over Sarah (whom her boyfriend James described as "somewhat intelligent" -- aww, such a sweetheart), Kaysar noted that "it was a sobering moment." Unlike those other moments when Kaysar has been so giddy and full of excitement. Maggie, meanwhile, looked up to the heavens and said, "Thank you Eric." Uh, he didn't die. He's not up in the sky. Unless...is Eric a ghost? SUMMER OF SECRETS!!!

Hmmm...with Eric being a ghost and Julie Chen being a robot, I'm starting to think this might just be one elaborate episode of Scooby Doo. Or anime. Yeah, probably anime (on account of Julie Chen's Asian-ness and such).

Anyway, with Maggie taking over the house, Ivette and her oddly un-tanned calf (did anyone else notice that?) proudly boasted, "I am the cherry on top of the sundae!" Yes, the nasty, annoying sundae. What the hell was she talking about anyway? Moments later, she noted that payback is a bitch, but again, cherries? Sundaes? Listen, people: I know you like your metaphors as much as the next person, but you can't just throw them around willy nilly. They need to make sense. But I guess we can give Ivette a free pass, what with her being a moron and such.

Sarah's reaction to Maggie's victory was a bit more resilient and, well, naive (it is Sarah, after all): "We're not gonna rally against each other." This comes from Sarah, who will soon be stabbed in the back so many times, we'll think she was on the Orient Express (A little Agatha Christie humor. Anyone? Anyone?).

Later, after the competition had ended, Maggie and Ivette shared a hug in the empty food pantry / airlock. "Maggie and I are playing for Cappy," declared Ivette. Oh REALLY??? I never would have guessed! Hey, let us know just one more time how much you love Eric. By the way, did he ever tell you his initial plan to vote you out? No? Oh, never mind then.

Posted by B-side on July 31, 2005 5:52 PM