Nevertheless, the Chenbot once again directed our attention to the Diary Room where more house guests pondered their eviction choices. James commented, "For some reason, I feel like this is very important." Hmmm... I wonder why that is? Oh that's right. THEY'RE IN YOUR ALLIANCE. Beau, meanwhile, surfaced briefly to grace the episode with his potent brand of bitchy blandness. Regarding Janelle, he scoffed, "Sometimes she can get on my nerves because, you know, she's all about me me me me me." This comes from Beau, the reigning diva who wouldn't let James borrow his bible. What's actually interesting about The Friendship is how much they detest Janelle. As far as we can see, Janelle doesn't seem to talk about herself that much. In fact, she seems relatively quiet. But in classic petty fashion, the women of The Friendship seem to project their insecurities on Janelle, accusing her of being self-centered or flirtatious. Hmmm... where am I trying to go with this? Don't know. So in conclusion, Ivette remains dumb.

Well, before the voting results were read, Janelle and Kaysar addressed their roommates, with the latter noting, "I look forward to seeing you one day." You know there's a wrap party, right Kaysar? It's not like you won't see them for fifty years. Actually with a little luck, maybe he'll be seeing them in seven days. Why? Because he was evicted by a vote of seven to one. Not very surprising, but sad nonetheless. Que sera sera, as they say (I almost titled this post "Kaysar-a sera", but figured it would be too obscure). As he headed to the door, Kaysar's alliance broke into a spirited, silly song that crescendoed with everyone yelling "Kaysar!" at the end. You know, maybe they should leave the dumb songs to The Friendship. I'm pretty sure April already has a tune about Pepperoni she plans to squawk out.

Anyway, ever the gracious fella, Kaysar gave each one of his roommates a big hug, even the people who had voted against him. Funny. Cappy didn't do that. But I thought he was supposed to be this great guy who cared about everyone and had the power of compassion and could heal lepers. Huh. He must have forgotten about the other half of the house last week. Oh well. By the way, what are the odds that by the end of the season, we'll see Eric peddling all sorts of annoying t-shirts and hats that say "Cappy" on them?

But I digress. Kaysar left the house, and for someone with such a stoic expression all the time, he was all smiles. I mean, the guy was on the verge of giggles. I think someone has a crush on the Chenbot! While Kays got his microphone all ready, we watched the house guests mill around the living room, reacting to the latest Chenviction. And then the most amusing, Naked Gun-ish thing happened. As the roommates babbled to each other, we heard the unmistakable noise of someone peeing. Yes, we deduced it was James who had escaped to the bathroom, and with his microphone still on, we could hear the toilet seat go up and the urine splashing down into the bowl. We here at the TVgasm offices crossed our fingers for a little flatulence too, but alas, it wasn't meant to be. The image then dissolved back to the studio, and for a second or two, we could still hear James trickling away as the camera settled in on Julie's interview. Thus marking the very first urine/Chenbot transition in Big Brother history.

Still smiling as if he'd just won a trip to Disney World, Kaysar seemed positively giddy to be in the presence of Ms. Chen. Then again, I would be too. The interview itself wasn't very fascinating, but Julie did get her jollies when she all but winked at the camera by asking "If you could go back into the house, what would you do differently?" Oh Chenbot. So clever.

Later, we faced the Head of Household competition, and dammit if I was a nervous nelly. I could not, under any circumstances, face another week of Friendship rule. Luckily, as we gazed upon the contestants in the backyard, it was clear that this would be a quiz challenge, and since that implies some sort of intellect, we knew The Friendship would be severely impaired.

"Tonight's game is called ELIMINATOR," announced The Chenbot with full robotic intonation. The rules were pretty basic. Julie would ask a question. If someone rang in and answered correctly, that person could eliminate someone else. If that person answered incorrectly, however, he or she would be eliminated instead. Pretty simple.

Well, Sarah answered the first question correctly and knocked Jennifer out of the running. Amazingly, Jennifer resisted the urge to shriek and do cartwheels across the lawn (sorry, dark memories of Tuesday's luxury competition filled my head). Anyway, as the game unfolded, Ivette took out James, Janelle took out herself (she was screwed with the question), Sarah took out Ivette, Howie took out Beau, and finally, Rachel took out April. Yes, The Friendship had been officially eliminated. Who else feels like dancing the Hora? Ultimately, Howie won HOH, causing his alliance to break out into a mosh-pit of euphoria that nearly sent Janelle tumbling to the ground. Maggie, meanwhile, complained "It's not fair!" Where's Cappy's spirit now, BIATCH?

Ivette rolls with the punches.

After the break, we returned to the roommates who were now seated in the living room and hopefully sedated. Julie asked a pit-stained Howie about his win, and since this seems to be the Summer of Hat Spirits, the new HOH attributed the victory to him having worn Kaysar's hat. Howie then went on to say that he was also wearing Kaysar's shirt, socks, and underwear. Before he could go any further, the Chenbot -- with wires shorting and smoke whistling out her valves -- simply snapped, "ENOUGH!"

Posted by B-side on August 5, 2005 4:54 AM