Well, Kaysar left the household; although, this second departure was much colder than the last. Kaysar seemed to only hug members of his crew (he even got a smooch from Howie), but I wasn't sure if Kaysar was pulling a neo-Cappy move by shunning his enemies because he did embrace Beau. I'm thinking that The Friendship was just too cowardly to do anything beyond a casual pat on the back goodbye.

And so Kaysar left the Big Brother house and returned to Julie Chen who greeted the evictee with her rapid-fire, spring-loaded handshake. I kind of wish the producers would add a "boing" sound every time the Chenbot's hand zips up from her side. Here, we'll give you an example:

But anyway, for the third time in as many weeks, Kaysar arrived back on Julie's couch where he endured a whole new round of Chenterrogation. When asked why he was back so quickly, Kaysar said he had too little information and put too much trust in the wrong people. But, he reasoned, "I couldn't have done it any better." Uh, you could have kept your finger on the button, jerk.

When it came time for the goodbye messages, Janelle only had wonderful things to say, noting "You are one of the smartest people I've ever met." Keep in mind she works as a "VIP Cocktail Waitress." Not a lot of bright bulbs at the workplace...

Jen left a message too, trying to clarify one last time her actions. You see, when she made the deal, she intended to keep her word. But, well, she didn't. "To me that's not lying. I ended up breaking my word. That's what I did," she said. So you see, Kaysar? It was all a misunderstanding. She didn't lie. She just merely broke her word. Makes perfect sense.

"You see, Julie, I am a handsome man."

Well, the smiley Kaysar politely dismissed Jennifer (and his teammates for not doing what they were supposed to do in his absence. Thanks, HOWIE), and soon it was time to move onto the Head of Household competition. This week's game was called "Face the Facts," and for a moment, I thought Julie Chen might suddenly be doing some trash talkin'. You know, like "Hey Ivette. Yo' ass is so big, when your beeper goes off, people think you're backin' up. FACE THE FACTS!!!" But no, this was one of those contests where people had to answer Julie's questions by flashing a photo of an evicted houseguest.

Julie kicked off this HOH battle (or "P-battle" as she called it) relatively smoothly, but soon her inner-wiring began acting up as she snapped at contestants who were taking too long with their responses. "Howie, I NEED an answer!" said our impatient cyborg hostess. I could nearly smell the smoke coming out her escape valve.

Eventually, it came down to April, Janelle and Beau in a tie-breaker, and in case I wasn't already nervous about another week of Friendship reign, we now had one of those nail-biting Price Is Right guessing scenarios where the contestants had to write down how many light bulbs they thought were used in the box-office luxury competition. These always drive me nuts because you just never know how they'll turn out. Well, Janelle put what appeared to be her number up (300), but since it was upside-down, the Chenbot was unable to process the digits. "Janelle, you're upside down," she alerted, possibly on the verge of another breakdown. Janelle made a little oops sound, flipped her card and presented the actual number she wanted, 275. Well, the correct answer was 289 and you guessed it, our little Janey won Head of Household!!! And yes, much excitement was had in the TVgasm offices. And to think, she nearly missed it by a measly eleven bulbs. Thank goodness for the Chenbot's inability to read upside down. Otherwise, we may have been stuck with another week of Friendship power-mongering.

As Janelle shrieked and hugged her allies, we then witnessed one of the most enjoyable power transfers ever. Janey pointed her finger in Jennifer's face triumphantly and tauntingly, causing the outgoing HOH to throw the key down to the grass spitefully. Where're your cartwheels now, BITCH?

This pretty much sums up the way I feel too.

Anyway, we still had a little business to attend to. Janelle was whisked off into the Diary Room where she would learn about tonight's twist, but not before encountering some technical high jinks that nearly caused the Chenbot to full-on crash. You see, Janey's microphone wasn't working, causing the Chenbot to pause with that blank, "Why are you doing this to me on live TV?" look. I truly feared for the Chenbot's life because at any moment, it was clear that her head might start shaking back and forth rapidly and violently until finally the build up of steam would simply force her noggin to pop off like a cork, exposing a mess of wires and circuitry.

Luckily, Janelle's microphone situation resolved itself before the Chenbot could explode, and we watched with vicarious glee as Janey happily learned that this week would be a double-eviction week. Unfortunately, I think our new HOH mistakenly believed that she'd get to eject two different people from the game, but alas, we would not be so lucky.

Posted by B-side on August 19, 2005 4:23 AM