TVgasm 2, Friendship 0 - 
by B-side
Bliss. Pure bliss.
Anyone who watched tonight's episode of Big Brother knows exactly what I'm talking about. It was a pure TVgasm. The timing of this season has really worked out perfectly for me. I've been lucky enough to ravage some of the juiciest episodes this summer: Kaysar's big chess coup, Janelle's "Bye Bye Bitches" triumph, and now this, the divine moment when The Friendship began to realize that America does, in fact, hate them.
Words cannot express how much fun it was to watch the tears, the disbelief, the rage. Once again, the good people at Grodner/Shapiro have delivered us a nugget of reality goodness, and for that, I have to say thank you. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
For sure, I thought this episode would be a dud. After all, newly installed Head of Household April would surely carry on with the Friendship orders and happily target Janelle and Howie. I honestly didn't know if I'd be able to deal. But then a glimmer of hope came into my life. As we reminisced on Rachel's recent departure, Beau curiously noted that he and Ivette were the last pair standing. "Everyone is not even looking at us as a target," he said proudly in the Diary Room. Uh oh. Something is afoot. That was just the sort of cocky attitude the producers love to tear down. Would this episode provide some cataclysmic rift in The Friendship? Alas, after weeks of watching Kaysar's alliance slowly crumble, I couldn't pain myself with the thought that there might just be hope left, only to have those dreams dashed by cruel CBS misdirection. My heart can only take so much torture.
Anyway, Rachel walked out the door to Chenbotville, leaving the remaining house guests to stand around and speak in hushed voices, as usual. We could tell the Chenterrogation was going on because Rachel's video image turned gray at a noticeably slow frame rate, clearly the biproduct of a Chenbot power overload. Seriously, we were about two seconds away from a rolling blackout.
We then returned to the HOH competition where we once again relived the atrocity that was Janelle losing out to April. As The Friendship pounced on her from all angles, April gushed, "I felt like I had been crowned... like Miss America!" Funny, I didn't think Miss America let seniors into the competition. But then again, the organizers might make an exception for April, what with her famed romance with Bert Parks in 1952 (The same year, coincidentally, that Queen Elizabeth II was, you guessed it, crowned. It all comes together).
As the joy parade continued, Maggie noted, "I felt the most confident out of anyone with April winning HOH." Hmmm... more cockiness. CBS, don't toy with me! I will not be a happy blogger if you pick me up, only to cut me down again. At the very least, I could still enjoy the ever-deluded Ivette who screamed across the house, "AMERICA LOVES YOU, APRIL!!!" How about we put that thought on pause, mmmkay?
Later, everyone sat around the dining room table, talking about how no one had won HOH twice. Janelle then looked at Howie and commented, "Not really because the week that you won, we put our own side up. So Maggie was actually Head of Household twice." Oh SLAM!!!! Janey managed to dis Maggie and Howie all at once. Amazing! Is there anything she can't do?
Maggie and The Friendship, meanwhile, looked around with confused smiles, as if to say, "We'll smile to be polite, but we're pretty sure you just made fun of us." Actually, Maggie just came right out and said it, "I don't get it." It's good to see that Cappy's sense of humor remained. Maybe Janelle should have adopted some Beau-isms and communicated via nonsensical grayscale comments.
Afterwards, James began his weekly ass-kissing, this time focusing on his most gullible target, Ivette. While the two chatted outside, April and Maggie suddenly realized that this was not such a great alliance. "It may get in the way of The Friendship," said Maggie. "It may absolutely be a potential problem if it's not addressed." I like how she talks as if there's actually formal Friendship meetings -- like some cloying sect of Quakerism. Nevertheless, with the impending threat of Ivette and James looming, April and Maggie literally sprinted across the house to the Gold Room as if a giant fireball were on their heels (and yes, I truly enjoyed April's geriatric gait). Anyway, April urgently pushed the idea of backdooring (hee-hee) James this week and needed Howie and Janelle to agree to not select him as their veto partner. Man, if this plan goes through and Janelle and Howie spare themselves another week... I can't think about it. Must not get too excited...
Of course, the smart move for Janelle and Howie would be to insist that Ivette and Beau be put up as the pawns instead. And if April refused, the two could simply threaten to bring James into the veto competition. Unfortunately, Janelle and Howie weren't thinking at such Kaysar levels, and as they later mulled over the situation to themselves, Howie reasoned, "We got nothing to lose." NO! DON'T LISTEN TO HOWIE LOGIC!!! It leads to bad things! Make Ivette and Beau go up instead!!
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