"I'll come with," volunteered Janelle without waiting for a response. Meanwhile, cut to me chuckling on the couch and giving 10s to Janelle on the CBS.com popularity poll. "I'm not going to allow Howie to speak to Maggie individually because the last time that happened, all hell broke loose," she informed us. Please, you don't have to tell us. I've already burned Howie in effigy off my balcony.

Not wanting to share Howie with Janelle, Maggie said nevermind and called an official Friendship meeting. She told Beau and Ivette that it was up to them to decide what she should do with the veto. The two nominees tried to be modest and selfless, but Beau couldn't help subtly advancing his cause. "I do want to stay, but I'm not gonna say, 'take me off and leave her there.' I'm not going to do that." Even though you just did.

Later and in private, April told Maggie, "Thank you for not using it [the veto]."

"I might use it," responded Maggie, causing April to literally honk, "HUH?" Uh oh. Something is afoot. This of course sent April crying -- nay, bawling -- with the prospect that she might be betrayed. Exxxxcellent. And who, pray tell, was there to prey on this vulnerable, hurt granny? JANELLE. "I think they're turning on you," she said in the privacy of the HOH room. Would this be a monumental shift in the game? Would Janelle be able to bring April to the "pitch black" side? (Or was it "stark white"? Or "shady gray"? Somebody get Beau...) Well, it was too soon to tell, and as much as I love Janelle, she has yet to make an aggressive move to steal someone from the other side. C'mon Janey. Time to kick it up a notch.

After this discussion, April then had another talk with Maggie, who noted that by keeping Ivette and Beau in the game longer, the target remains on them, not her. Of course, April was a full-on mess at this point, crying in ways that surely would have sent Pepperoni running for cover.

In the diary room, April could hardly even get words out between her horse-like sobs: "Out of all the people in the house... (sob)... I thought... (sob)... that Maggie... (sob, sob)... was gonna play this game as much with her heart as possible (SOB SOB SOB)." Man, the last time April weeped this hard was when she found out her cousin had died in the Franco-Prussian war. Click here for the audio.

April just learned she's run out of Depends.

At the veto ceremony, Maggie addressed the household by saying, "Morals are a very unfortunate thing to have in this game." So is self-delusion. They often go hand in hand. Nevertheless, Moral Maggie opted not to use the veto, thus depriving us of another April meltdown. Now how can you go about implying that you have morals when you so selfishly keep such spectacles off the air?

We went away for a commercial break, and when we returned, we came face to face with The Chenbot whose black shirt had me awaiting an interpretive dance or maybe just a poetry reading at any second. Instead, she rapidly talked through some expository discussion and then asked Beau and Ivette to say their final words. As usual, Beau babbled on and on in a typically inarticulate and rambling monologue. Ivette was surprisingly quiet, as she often gets when she's nervous, and simply said she could not compete with Beau's "fierceness." Other things she couldn't compete with: his waistline. Oooh! Rimshot!

Anyway, Janelle, April, and Maggie all voted to evict Beau (with April tearing up in the process), and as Julie told us about the results, I anxiously waited to see if Beau might let out a squeal of sadness. Kind of like a balloon deflating. Alas, no such obnoxious noises came out as Beau headed to the door. The only sound came from the roommates sniffling and hugging. "I'm going to miss your Beau bedtime stories," said April. For the record, Beau's bedtime stories were only him squealing "AAAAhhhhhhhyyyy" for five minutes straight. It's the white noise effect.

As Beau headed to his Chenterrogation, The Friendship huddled together bravely in the bedroom with tears in their eyes. "I think I've cried more than anybody in this damn game," moaned Ivette. "Are you joking me? I'm an emotional wreck," replied April. The three girls then began shouting "No, I am!" "No I am!" before pulling their hair and kicking their shins.

Over with the Julie, we watched a thankfully brief Chenterview as Beau talked about nothing particularly interesting. The best part of this was watching The Chenbot's pensive reaction as if the freshly evicted houseguest had actually made some salient point about whatever. (And by the way, "Beau" and "salient" are two concepts that will never mix. Kind of like "Hitler" and "teddy bears.")

Nevertheless, we were spared a Beau goodbye video (probably edited out of the broadcast) and got right to the HOH competition. And yes, my heart was beating quite heavily and rapidly at this point. This contest was called "Magnetic Attraction" and was basically just an elaborate version of our old friend, the trusty blue-or-red paddle game. Basically, Julie would ask a question and give two answers. Players had to place a token on either a blue surface or a red surface. If they answered correctly, they'd get a point. Otherwise, the token would drop away. Hence the magnetic attraction. Well played, Big Brother. Well played.

Posted by B-side on September 4, 2005 8:26 PM