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Normally, I wouldn't be so worried about, but she does have the power to nominate, and let's face it, she is a strong woman. You can imagine my horror when, early in the episode, we had a shot of Ivette running towards the camera in celebration of beating Maggie (who really threw the competition). She came barreling towards us like some uncontrolled and vengeful Jabba the Hutt, stomach roll upon stomach roll swaying back and forth, jockeying amongst themselves to be the one chosen to become the most memorable fab slab of flab. And oh, doesn't it looks so sexy in those skin-tight jeans and tops that the she is always wearing? It doesn't make me want to vomit all over my living room AT ALL. Take a look a this scene in full glory. Not to worry, the images can't hurt you, unless you count the retina scarring as a result of extended viewings. I even put it in slow motion to maximize the effect:

Click on Ivette to play

Could things get any worse? But of course, we haven't even come to the part where Ivette wins her HOH room. Ivette was so very happy that she was going to get a picture of her girlfriend, Maggie. Everybody was fawning over the picture of Ivette and Maggie, saying how beautiful the two of them were. I got a distinctly different impression. Ivette told us that her pet name for her girlfriend was "Tushy," because she got sick of calling her girlfriend "babe" all of the time. I thought it was a more appropriate nickname because Tush is close to "ass" and "ass" was the first word that popped into my head when I saw Maggie's face. In fact, we should call the Maggie in the house Tushy as well, if going by the "face looks like ass" criteria. Or maybe we can just make it easier and call her assface. I could say more about Ivett'es Tushy, but Janelle (who I am ready to admit that I have a full-on crush now) summed it all up for us saying "I don't want to slander anybody on national television, but her girlfriend is ugly as hell." She also managed to work a nice insult with the passive-aggressive statement "oh look, isn't that the same shirt you're wearing in the picture?" Imagine Piggy from Road Rules, combine with Irene from Real World, and you got a really close approximation of what Maggie looks like.

As ugly as Maggie was, Ivette was even more annoying telling us about how much the little things Maggie had sent to her were so important, like a pillow that her mom had made, and a set of rosary beads that she always wore. Ivette nearly broke down talking about those rosary beads and how much it was a sacrifice for Maggie to give them up. They were meant to protect her, and she sent them to California to protect Ivette. Oh no, whatever will Maggie do? It's going to be so hard to find rosary beads to replace the ones she gave up! If she goes looking for more, some bastard is going to charge her almost fifty cents for another set. I also think they come free in those El Pollo Loco happy meals and specially marked 12 packs of Tecate.

Howie and Janelle knew that they were in trouble, but Janey was not going to give up without a fight. She knew that there were ways that she could make a deal, but it all had to start with one of them winning the veto. If either of them won, it would force Ivette to put somebody up, probably April. From there, they could guarantee Ivette a trip to the final three if either of them was HOH, and they would also give her a vote if either one was on the jury. Overall, it's really not a bad plan, but they did have to win the veto competition first, and that was not going to be easy.

While we were all left contemplating whether this would be Janelle's last week in the house, we were treated to yet more light sabre antics starring Howie. Normally, I really hate these stupid segments. Isn't there anything better that they can do? What happened to the "look who's getting fat" segment? How about the "shopping spree" where they all make a mad dash for new clothes? And who wouldn't want to see that new segment that features houseguests destroying their least favorite article of clothing from one of their roommates? What about MORE SEQUESTER HOUSE? There is so much to choose from, and the producers are just letting it go by.

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Posted by J-Unit on September 7, 2005 3:00 AM