Thanks For The Memories, Big Brother - 
by B-side
This looks kind of like the end of SNL. Or as I like to call it, S-Chen-L.
I write to you with great sadness tonight. Our dearest Big Brother 6 has come to an end. It's been a long, strange journey, and as I write these words, I regretfully realize that this most wonderful of reality show seasons has now been sealed into memories. A present tense turned past. Like the legendary Richard Marx sings, "Hold on to the night. Hold on to the memory. I wish that I could give you something more. That I could be yours."
With that said, hows about that Chenbot? Are you with me, people? Something happened to her. She seemed almost... human? No, that's saying too much. Surely she's incapable of having a Pinnochio moment. No, I think it was less drastic. Maybe someone switched her system software. It's like she went from Microsoft Word to Leisure Suit Larry. Whatever it was, Julie Chen was en fuego tonight. Aw, CBS. I know we can see her every morning on The Early Show, but we like the 'bot best in primetime. Bring back Big Brother this spring! Make it bigger and badder than ever before! Do it, CBS! Do it!
Anyway, the big shew opened up with none other than Ms. Chen greeting us from outside the Big Brother compound. I was momentarily disarmed as I thought her head was floating mid-air like some new Asian version of The Wizard of Oz. Alas, it was just an illusion (also very Oz-like) as her dark dress merely blended into the background. Julie was excited, I could tell by the goofy grin on her face, and you know what? So was I!
I was even more excited when the camera pulled back and we saw that the producers had fashioned a runway of sorts leading out from the house's front door. Even better, dozens of adoring fans sat alongside, and as Julie walked to center stage, she was sure to give all her peeps mad props by slapping five and shaking hands. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to Rockstar: Julie Chen.
And for the record, if I had been one of those lucky fans, I probably wouldn't have washed my hand for like, you know, FOREVER.
Luckiest people in the world.
We then zipped off to the five-minute recap of the season where the announcer crowed, "It was a Summer of Secrets!" Well, two secrets really. But hey, tonight's a special night. Don't hate. Congratulate! Ah yes, and there was much to congratulate. Watching the recap made me nostalgically remember just how wonderful this season was. Dearest readers, if this was your first season, or if we brought you back to a show that you had long given up on, you have to admit. This show rocks, does it not? And for those of you who simply don't get this show, well, I really don't know what to say. If I were The Friendship, I would say a prayer for you. But since I'm not, I'll probably just chuckle dismissively from afar. You know, pull the old "THEY don't get it."
After the recap, we then saw the opening credits and look! Everyone's names were back! And their pictures were in color. Wow, so much love flowing through the show, and it was only the first five minutes. I couldn't even imagine what else would be in store for us.
One thing I could depend on was some old fashioned Chenbot awkwardness, and sure enough, here she was, holding sway over the crowd with her typically large Chelmet. Julie talked us through some generic information and then gave what we then learned was the last "But first" of the season. You know, had she not said it tonight, I would have been a little sad. Might have cried. And now, thanks to our homemade But First video, all the world can see what we've always loved about that special phrase.
Anyway, we moved back into the house where we saw the aftermath of Janelle's eviction. The girls hugged and congratulated themselves while the rest of America vomited, and then we heard what special strategies they had used to get so far. For instance, Ivette's gameplan was to be honest. "I am blunt, I'm honest, I'm outspoken, I'm loud," she said, forgetting other adjectives such as "dumb," "annoying," and "racist." Maggie meanwhile claimed that she bit her tongue a lot. You see, normally she likes the spotlight, provided it's a very plain, boring spotlight. I'm sorry. I fell asleep halfway through her comments.
Up at the Jury House, things were a bit more lively. Given the nippy fall weather, everyone walked out into the backyard dressed in sweaters and jackets. It was so Sideways: Autumn Wasp Edition. Translation: I was jealous. Anyway, while the group debated who would be joining them next, Janelle suddenly appeared behind them, yelling, "I got taken out by a NERD HERD!!!" Don't remind us, Janelle. Don't remind us.
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