As she walked in, there were tons of hugs and flowery comments, especially by Janey who chirped, "I love you guys!" We'll just assume that wasn't directed towards Jennifer. Soon, everyone settled into their seats to have a spirited discussion about the final two players. Janelle seemed like she was going to bash Ivette by saying the finalist had basically given up the money in order to stay loyal to Maggie, but then she smoothed it out by saying that Ivette must have a really big heart. Nice save Janelle, but you don't have to play politics anymore. James, meanwhile, interpreted Ivette's moves slightly differently: "The thing is, she kept her promise to her friends, but kicked her family in the ass." This of course made Beau quite pissy and prickly, as he scoffed back with an angry glare. Honestly, I applaud James. Not for speaking the truth, but for putting Beau in such a sour mood that the chances of him squealing like a cat in a dishwasher were virtually nil.

Anyway, the Maggie vs. Ivette debate raged on for quite some time, with many people hitting on the same notes multiple times. Beau said that if Ivette had picked Janelle over Maggie, she would have been playing dirty, to which Janelle responded, "That's why it just opened my eyes as to how good of a person she is." Wait a second. I think Janelle's being sincere. Hmmm... I don't like this "say nice things about The Friendship" thing. I feel lonely and cold now. If anyone needs me, I'll be cradling my head in my knees over in the corner.

Luckily, a bitter Howie was there to keep it real, yo. "But her [Ivette's] integrity was destroyed so many times during the game. Why did she play with integrity during the final week? I don't understand that." One point for Howie! And what does fair Rachel have to say? "Ivette made it personal. She was a big piece of trash in my eyes in this game." Meeeeow! Gotta have the bitter juror. I assumed it would be Janelle, but lo and behold, it was Rachel. Makes sense, actually. After all, Beau really did call her card. You know, what with her being shades of gray, pitch black, and stark white. That whole pseudo-oreo personality assessment can really make a woman mad.

The best part of all this though was that while the Sovereign bashed Ivette and Maggie, The Friendship sat there looking disgusted and annoyed. Jennifer in particular called upon her typical knee-jerk reaction by exaggeratedly rolling her eyes with nearly every comment. She was pissed, man. It was like someone told her she could never do a cartwheel ever again.

As for Beau, the stress of the situation (or maybe it was just the cold weather) was clearly taking a toll on him. Soon his voice had devolved into a nouveau-Katherine Hepburn tremble as he asked, "Do you think Maggie's strategy was to fly under the radar the whole game?" It's okay Beau-Beau. No reason to get choked up. Actually, maybe there was. James deftly made The Friendship feel like cow poop as he argued that Maggie had manipulated each and every one of them. Watching April, Jennifer, and Beau give each other "Whoa. He's right" looks was fairly priceless, almost as priceless as the little interchange when April said, "You pretty much think that Maggie manipulated us in order for her to play the game and get to the end, " and then Janelle interrupted, "Because she sucks so bad." Ah, there's the bitter Janey we've come to love!

After the commercial break, we returned to Julie who pointed out Ivette's family, including "Tush", sitting in the audience. Julie then said the jury would vote on who should win Big Brother, "But before they cast their votes..." Hey! That was cheap, Julie. You teased us with the "But" and then hung us out to dry without the "first". What gives? Was that your way of sticking it to us? Because if it was, that hurt. That really hurt.

Anyway, it was now time for the jury to ask questions of the finalists, and unfortunately, this segment wasn't as insane as I'd been hoping it would be. Then again, how can you top last year when Marvin accused pretty much everyone short of Martin Luther King Jr. of being racist? Anyway, James, Rachel, and Howie all asked dumb, forgettable questions (which was upsetting because I thought Rachel, as the bitter juror, would be the one to make a fool of herself with a venom-laced interrogation). As she addressed Ivette, Janelle was the first one to ask anything with some teeth: "Throughout this game, you said that you're playing for your family. Don't you think that by last night's decision that you've made a $450,000 mistake? And if so, why did you do that?" Funny, this was vaguely similar to Tom Cruise's seminal question: "Why would you do that? Why would you do that? You're a jerk!" Anyway, I thought Ivette would babble incoherently in response, but instead, she was surprisingly succinct as she explained that had she picked Janelle, she would have lost the money anyway. Huh. Not a lot of fireworks.

Surely Janelle's next question would provide some excitement, yes? "Maggie, you haven't made many plays in this game. Why in the hell do you deserve the money over Ivette?" This of course sent Jennifer's eyes rolling anew, and honestly, at this point, she should have just sighed really loudly or moaned "OH MY GOD." I mean, c'mon. The eye-rolling is just so old. Meanwhile, if Jennifer's reading this, she's probably rolled her eyes about five times in the past two seconds.

Jennifer rolls her eyes. Much the way most people do when they meet Arena Football Dancers.

Posted by B-side on September 21, 2005 3:06 AM