Anyway, as Janelle cast her vote, she said that she would base it on either who she felt was the bigger competitor or who had treated her best in the house, causing Julie to quip, "Can't wait to see that vote!" Hey-oh!!! This just in: Julie Chen will be headlining at the Laugh Factory this Thursday, followed by a weekend engagement at Ha-Ha's and then Misty's Comedy Shack in Akron, Ohio. Get our tickets now.

Jennifer placed her key in the box next, and as she struggled to get the damn thing in, Maggie laughed warmly, "Look at your face, Jen!" Yes, it's brimming with ugliness! The most biting and truthful comments, however, came from Howie of all people who managed to give Kaysar and Janelle a shout out, saying they were America's Choices. This caused the audience to erupt with applause, and as Howie enjoyed his newfound hero status, the always reliable Chenbot piped up with an urgent plea, "BRIEF, HOWIE! BRIEF!!!" Julie then added, "Starting self-destruct sequence. 10. 9. 8. 7..."

Nevertheless, Howie obliged Ms. Chen and wrapped up his statement beautifully, noting, "I'm stuck voting for America's last choices." The audience murmured with "Did he just say that?" and as Maggie sarcastically said, "Thanks, Howie..." the crowd applauded loudly in support of Howie and his alliance. Best passive-aggressive applause EVER!

With all the votes cast, it was time to reveal the winner. BUT FIRST! Even better! Time for... the reunion! As Julie noted, it would be the first time the jurors would be hearing details about the show. Suddenly my heart was beating. Would they say that Janelle and Kaysar have been the most popular contestants ever? Would they say how much everyone hated The Friendship, especially Jennifer? Would they say that TVgasm was the bestest website and the only place for super funny recaps? Hmmm... I figured that last one was a long shot, but hey, a man's gotta dream.

Well, Ashlea, Michael, Eric, Sarah, and Kaysar all waltzed onto the stage (after passing through the mini-MTV Video Music Awards runway), and once everyone was seated, Julie joked, "Welcome back. One big happy family. NOT!" Good one, Julie! That Wayne's World humor still kills!!! You go on with your bad self. ChenCackle until the cows come home.

Anyway, this new, casual, jokey Chen conducted the reunion with surprising casualness. She asked Sarah if there had been anything she had wanted to tell James, and yada yada yada, Sarah just wanted to reaffirm that Howie, Janelle, and Rachel's loyalty really was honest and true. How nice. Still doesn't make up for Howie's dumbass move. But no use crying over spilled milk, even if that milk cost Janelle or Kaysar $500,000.

After asking Eric a stupid question about Maggie, Julie then asked Michael about the sexual harassment allegations he faced in the house, but in classic Chen fashion, she tried to be ultra-sensitive in her phrasing: "Michael, while you were in the house, you were kind of attacked. Some of your housemates accused you of some bad behavior in regards to your treatment of women. Later on, these... some of these people regretted believing certain accusations made against you. What would you like to say to your accusers?" Oh, just say it Julie. April and Ivette and Jennifer accused you of sexual harassment. It's okay. We all saw the episode. For the record, Michael had a classy response by saying that the feedback he'd gotten from the public (that's us!) has been so positive that he's received all the validation he could have wanted. Hey Michael, if you're reading this, we back you, bro. Jennifer, if you're reading this, go away.

It's funny. I really don't have the deep-seeded hatred of Jennifer that most people have. But I think it's just fun to jump on the bandwagon. Sort of sad, really.

Later, Julie then cornered April about Janelle winning America's Choice twice. In fact, she even played the infamous scene where she called us all "pieces of shit." Best reunion EVER! This is what we've been waiting for! Jerry Springer-ish confrontation. Hey CBS, how could you only give us 60 minutes with these people. Give us another 30. 15 at least! Anyway, April very politely apologized to America and Janelle for her comments, and to her credit, while I do enjoy bashing the old granny, April did seem somewhat decent tonight. I know she's a crazy old bat, but she seemed genuinely happy about the whole experience. Maybe I'm just going a little nuts myself.

Certainly not coming off well was Jennifer though who was received with a fair share of hisses and boos. Heh. When Julie asked Kaysar if he had anything to say, he replied with a I-kinda-wish-it-were-better response of "Jennifer, think for yourself." This was met with several "Ooooh!"s and applause, and in response, a defensive Jennifer said, "I did think for myself. The group swayed my decision." Uh... what? That really made no sense at all. Maybe I misheard it. Anyway, Jenny's comment resulted in stony, awkward silence on stage. It was like all the contestants had suddenly turned into Chenbots.

Luckily, Eric was there diffuse the situation. You see, he didn't understand why Kaysar and his group had gotten so mad when in effect Kaysar had done the same thing to him. Well, douchebag, it's because you turned on Kaysar and negated your deal. But whatever. I didn't need to remind anyone about that because the crowd rejected Eric's little moment with a flurry of boos. Did I mention this was the best reunion ever?

Posted by B-side on September 21, 2005 3:06 AM