Last night's episode began where Sunday's left off: the nomination ceremony. Erika unsurprisingly put Janelle and Chicken George on the chopping block. Kind of made sense from her perspective. What didn't make sense was why Chicken George left the ceremony carting off the nomination box. Shouldn't that be Erika's job? It seems like adding insult to injury, forcing the man into manual labor mere seconds after imperiling his chances for half a million dollars.

Anyway, Erika reminded us that she nominated Janelle because she saw her as a huge threat that she might not be able to beat in the end. Will, however, wanted to keep Janelle around (kept the target off him and his loyal sidekick, Boogie), but truth be told, as long as neither of them were nominated for eviction, he'd be happy. Later, while Dr. Will and Mike Boogie loitered in the kitchen, an awestruck George said in his best wino voice, "There's still a lot of chill left in the town! How is that possible?" I wasn't quite sure what he was getting at, but I imagined it had to do with the amazing feat that those two clowns were still in the house.

"They don't even mess with the doctor," George then said of his fellow house guests, "The baddest player in reality show history. Let's not mess with him though!" Strange how no one wants to touch Dr. Will. I'm sure if George had been HOH, he'd surely change that! Oh wait...

"How Chill Town has made it this far, I have no idea," Chicken George then said. Yes, George, who would have thought that when you nominated James and Erika and then Howie at Chill Town's urgings, it would have caused Chill Town to actually advance in the game! What a co-inky-dink!

Later, at Will's urging, Janelle marched upstairs to kiss Erika's butt and tell her that she wasn't mad at her (she was) and that she wanted to go after Chill Town next week. Wait, Will couldn't have approved that last part, right? Was Janelle playing Chill Town after all? Not so much. She then told us that she had told a little "fib" to Erika, which meant that like so many others, Janelle was now firmly in the palm of Will and Boogie. Argh. Nevertheless, Janelle told Erika that if she survived the week, no worries. She wasn't coming after her next week, especially if they work together. "Hmmm... no one in the house coming after me? I think I'll take that deal!" Erika told us, displaying the first signs of the complacency that usually does in every player.

Downstairs, Will, Boogie, and Danielle played cards, and when Will asked if there was any benefit of keeping Janelle over Chicken George, Danielle replied, "Have you lost your mind, Will? No. Why would you consider that?" This, of course, was a poor move on her part because by showing dissatisfaction, she alerted Will that she was a potential threat to him, and if there's anything she should know by now, it's that Will merely asking about Janelle means she better start protecting her ass right now. You'd think she'd put two and two together, especially after she told us, "Janelle seems to be working with Chill Town. And then Erika won't nominate Chill Town. There's something wrong with this picture." Yup: you're on the outs! Better start scrambling!

But before any scheming could take place, there was big news. The much-hyped trampoline finally arrived! This resulted in plenty of bouncing around by Will, which in turn prompted accompanying sidekick bouncing by Boogie. I'm not even sure that Mike liked the trampoline. He probably just wanted to impress his Master. And as is the case with nearly any development in the Big Brother house, Boogie then put his stamp of poseur-ness on the trampoline by saying, "We got the pimp-oline. That's what I call it because it's the pimp trampoline!" Oh really? I didn't realize that pimp-oline stood for pimp trampoline. You see, I'm unable to process compound words. Portmanteaus, if you will. And by the way, nothing called pimp-oline could ever be truly pimp, mostly because it sounds like he said "Pimple Lean."

After the joy of the trampoline passed, we then returned to the HOH room where an earnest Danielle made the dreaded mistake of putting all her eggs in the Erika basket. She said she'd take her to the final two, "word on my kids." Yes, the kiss of the death: swearing on the spawn. I've yet to actually see such a move turn out well for a reality star. Nevertheless, Erika said she was with Danielle, and so the hubris parade began. An overly confident Danielle told us how she and Erika were so tight and have been all along. "We strategize so much with one another, and we think of every single option," Dani said, clearly overlooking how Erika opted to nominate Boogie's picks just hours earlier.

Danielle then floated the idea of winning the veto and taking George off and pitting Will against Janelle. Erika sounded like she was all fine with it, but then she told us that she had reservations on account of the fact that "I'm technically part of Chill Town." Yeah, um, bad news. You're not. But feel free to think that. It's always fun to watch another person get played.

Still, Danielle was optimistic that this would be her chance to finally attack Chill Town. "I am salivating for this to happen. It's like my ultimate goal inside this house is to kick Will out of All-Stars." I had a bad feeling about this. With James gone, Danielle was sounding a bit desperate -- motivated too much by anger and revenge, and not thinking straight. She then told Erika, "They need to recognize." Yeah sister! "Sometimes people that scumbag need to be scumbagged!" Go on with your bad self! "I got something wicked coming!" HELL YEAH!!! SHE WILL DESTROY ALL!!!!

We then went to commercial, and when we returned, we saw Dr. Will chuckling in bed to himself. According to the producers, he was dreaming about one thing: Neil Patrick Harris (who doesn't dream about him?). "Best show on television: How I Met Your Mother," Will said in a flashback. Apparently, he would not shut up about the guy (I personally thought he was pandering to the producers for a visit to the set). Well, on Sunday's show, the house guests won Christmas in August, and to help usher in this unseasonal event, none other than Doogie Howser himself snuck into the Big Brother compound to spread holiday cheer and mirth every which way he went. I immediately loved this segment because we suddenly found Neil in the diary room, talking about his experience in the house. Seriously, what other celeb would do that? In season three, Sheryl Crow barely inched off her little stage to hug the players. I could never imagine her deigning to step into the diary room. And I'm pretty sure no celebrity has dropped by since then (the mime in season four doesn't count). So big props to Neil Patrick Harris for not only stopping by, but gettin' all up close and personal with the guests. Between this and Harold and Kumar, I'm fairly convinced that there's no cameo he can't rock.

Even better, Neil then said he was a big fan of Big Brother. I'm not sure if he meant that or if CBS had forced it out of him, but I had a feeling it was sincere. Like I said before, if he didn't genuinely like the show, he probably wouldn't have ventured three feet beyond the backyard door from which he entered.

Well, Doogie entered the house and woke everyone up, and as you can imagine, no one was as thrilled as Dr. Will. "I was lying in bed, and as usual, I was having a dream about hanging out with Neil Patrick Harris. And it was no longer a dream!" Let's just hope it wasn't a wet dream, and let's just hope the sight of Neil Patrick Harris didn't set off any instinctual bodily reactions, if you know what I'm saying.

Anyway, the gang then brought him out into the kitchen where they treated him to a lovely bowl of Big Brother slop. "Wow, that's all kinds of nasty," Neil said. He then gave a Santa suit to George, and once he was changed into it, everyone headed outside to open presents under the Christmas tree. Unfortunately, we're in the middle of a little heat wave here in Los Angeles, and I was quite surprised that George in his suit didn't immediately pass out right there under the tree.

Well, everyone opened their presents, and Neil explained that he got most of them clothing. "If I see Mike Boogie wear a Dolce shirt one more time on this show, really..." Doogie scoffed. He then spoke of George, saying, "He's a little... um... simple." Yay euphemisms! It's okay, Neil. You can say "naturally lobotomized."

For his gift, George received a new pair of Converse sneakers, prompting him to say, "Aw, they got a cool star on them too!" Imagine that: a Converse sneaker with a star on it. Hey, wanna hear something crazy? My Nikes have a swoosh on them! Yes, a real SWOOSH! And my Lacoste shirt has an alligator! Am I lucky or what? I don't even want to tell you what's on my Pumas! (That's right! A PUMA!!!)

Neil then gushed a little about Janelle, saying she had a radiance, and then it was time for more fun on the trampoline. We discovered that Neil Patrick Harris is quite the tumbler as he executed a perfect flip mid-air. One word: Beijing 2008.

Well, this just made Will's day. "First the trampoline, and then Neil Patrick Harris?" he said incredulously. "What's next? I'm gonna win the show?" Quite possibly, sir.

Later, after Neil had returned to the outside world to collect his check, George hung out in the fitness room with Will and Mike, detailing how he once was struck by lightning. Wait, what? Yes, George has been singed by a heavenly flare. Kind of explains a lot, really. Of course, this led to Boogie noting, "If you've already been struck by lightning in life, is it really possible you're gonna win a game show of this magnitude? I don't think so because lightning doesn't strike twice, people. It doesn't." HILARIOUS! I didn't see that one coming at all! Somebody call Leno. We've got a new writer for him!

Anyway, this was all fun and good, but it was time to get back to the game. Will wanted to save Janelle and put Danielle up, but in order for that to happen, Boogie would have to work some "showmantical" magic. And this would require much effort because as we all know, Erika is not a pushover in the least! Well, that night, the two lovebirds cozied up, and Erika noted that Janelle had to go home this week, and then next week Chill Town would need to win HOH and send Danielle out. How very snakey, considering Erika was supposed to be allied with Danielle. This plan sounded nice and everything, but Boogie had some bad news: Danielle really should go this week instead. Wh-what? Erika was not expecting that. But oh well. I guess if Boogie says it's what has to be done, then that's what has to be done! As we went to commercial, Erika then said, "If I find out you're really just playing me, I'm gonna kick your ass." Chill Town? Playing someone? NEVER!

At the Veto competition, all the house guests were sequestered in different rooms. Why? Because it was the return of the face game! Remember last year when Big Brother morphed different faces together to make some of the most abhorrent creatures on this planet? Well, it looked like we were doing it again. Or were we? Turns out this challenge had to do with faces, but instead of using photoshop creatively, the producers merely showed ultra-cropped facial features from two people at a time, which wasn't nearly as fun to watch. In fact, it kind of sucked. Excuse me while I appeal to the producers now: dearest producers. We love you here at TVgasm. The But First challenge was legendary. However, this new spin on the face game is terrible. Please return the mash-ups next year. Feel free to make it a tradition. Sincerely, B-Side.

Lame competition! Boo!

Boobies! Yay!

Well, first up was Boogie, who happily threw the whole thing so that he wouldn't have to be in a position to make Erika angry. Next up was the HOH, and while she ran around like crazy, she did get a few combos wrong. Will then followed her and for once didn't seem like he was throwing the competition. Unfortunately, try as he may have, he just could not get anything right. He wasn't as bad as George, however, who was incapable of matching anything. The producers could have put the people's full faces up there, and he'd still be stumped, saying things like "Oh geez. You really got me. Aw, c'mon now!" for twenty mintues.

Next up was Janelle, who zipped around like a little hummingbird with a loose microphone pack, and according to the editing, she seemed to have kicked ass. And then there was Danielle, who told us, "I don't have to win the POV because I feel like I am safe." Always a bad sign. Still, she put in a strong effort because she wanted to win it anyway, and according to the editing, it looked like she too rocked the competition. But who would win?

Well, coming in last place was George with a time of 24:23. Erika trounced him with a much more efficient 1:51. As for Will, he didn't fare as well with his 3:19. But then there was super competitor Janelle. Her time: a whopping 1:00. Yes, that's sixty seconds. Considering there were five sets of facial features, that meant she spent twelve seconds on each one. Geez. Next was Danielle who clocked in a 1:23, which was also mightily impressive, but not impressive enough. Mike rounded out the crowd with his 7:42 time, which meant that once again, Janelle won the Golden Power of Veto. That's four vetos and three HOHs in this season alone. The girl is a powerhouse. I don't know what the cumulative numbers are, but there's no way that James is still the "Veto King" now.

Anyway, I was absolutely delighted that my girl won again and saved herself from potential elimination, but this all just made it clearer and clearer that Danielle was in jeopardy. My fears were further cemented when she confidently boasted, "Erika nad I had this deal, and she told me she wasn't going to put me up; so hopefully she doesn't. 'Cause if she doesn't put me up, guess what? She has to put someone from Chill Town!" Exactly. And the chances of that happening: .02%

After the competition, Danielle, Erika, and Janelle huddled together, smoked, and talked strategy. Danielle inexplicably ambled away, which left the two other girls to make plans. Janelle told us that if she acted like she was targeting Chill Town, then Erika might leave them in the house for her to go after next week. Another bit of brilliant craftiness. Not sure if that originated with Will or Janelle, but I had to respect it (even though it put Danielle in grave danger).

Meanwhile, in the pantry room, Will and Boogie danced triumphantly and extolled Janelle's Veto win. "That chick is unbelievable!" MIke said, then adding that he would get Erika to put Danielle up. I didn't know why he was so excited. Let's not forget that he and Will have been battling over which showmance to take to the final three. Will wanted Janelle. Boogie wanted Erika. If Danielle were to go home this week, that would leave Erika exposed next week, and together, Will and Janelle could take her out. But of course, it's no surprise that Boogie didn't see this. He's never been one for strategizing. He's more the "sit next to Will and bask in his reflected glory (whilst wearing five arm bands)" type.

Later, Boogie spoke to Erika and said that she was gonna have to break ties with Danielle. "At some point, Erika, you're going to have to be bad," he said. And wouldn't an impressively "bad" move be to take out her showmance's mancrush? I guess Boogie probably meant that she had to be bad to someone OTHER than Chill Town. Will then noted that without Danielle, it was the three of them against Chicken George and Janelle. Of course, if Erika were to take out Will, it would be her, Danielle, and George against Boogie and Janelle. So truthfully, the numbers game approach had no real legitimacy. Not that something like "logic" would ever matter in this house. Honestly, the best move for Erika would be to nominate Will. If he went home, then Boogie's loyalties would no longer be split, and Erika's relationship with Danielle wouldn't be ruined. In fact, Erika asked Boogie if it would be better for Will to go, but MIke's eyes merely went wide and an incredulous smile appeared on his face. "No! No! Not at all!" he said, almost as if Erika had just asked if she should light a firecracker in her mouth.

Erika then asked Boogie if he was going to take Will to the final two, and he replied, "I thought we were all going to have a conversation down the road." Translation: I'm leaving you behind, BITCH. C'mon, Erika. It's a noncommittal response! Use your head!!!

Later, Danielle asked Erika, "You're not putting me up, are you?"

"No," she replied. And by "No," she clearly meant, "YES YES YES!" Unfortunately, Danielle merely took the response at face value. She did nothing to ensure that Erika would stay true to her word (you know, like reminding her how bad of a move it would be to get rid of Danielle instead of Will).

Erika then said, "I gotta think," which should have been Danielle's big clue that things were not all hunky dory. If Erika has to think, that means that she's weighing the option of not putting Will up. And if she doesn't put Will up, she's coming after you, Danielle! Don't just stand there! Do something!

In her never ending attempt to not think for herself, Erika then summoned Janelle to her room for her advise. Of course, Janelle just did more Chill Town bidding as she endorsed a Danielle nomination. Ultimately, the two women made a deal to work together next week, and the meeting ended with superficial hugs and phony smiles. I know what you're thinking: Erika made a hasty deal with someone? SHOCKER!

Erika then called Boogie up to her den of seduction and asked for further validation for what would surely be a Danielle nomination. Mike noted that Janelle and Danielle are frontrunners to win and needed to be evicted, but when Erika asked "But what about Will?" Boogie responded, "Will doesn't give a fuck." Yeah, he clearly doesn't care. Can't you tell? That's why he's stuck around so long and made sure to carefully instruct everyone in the house in every situation. He just doesn't care!

"I feel like I'm going to be the Diane," Erika then said. "Bros before Hos." Here's a crazy idea: if you think you're going to be screwed over, get rid of Will! It's like saying, "I feel like if I put this loaded gun to my head and pull the trigger, I'm going to shoot myself in the head! But I'm going to do it anyway!"

After the commercial break, Danielle approached Erika outside to find out what the deal situation was. Erika revealed that she was going to put her up, and in response, Danielle said... "Okay, that's fine." Huh? Danielle, you can't go marching around saying how you're gonna bring the hurt and then just keel over like that. Erika's impressionable! Don't try to guilt her with silent disappointment! State your case! Chill Town made the point that Erika could not beat Danielle in the final two (which isn't necessarily true). Now Danielle has to make the case that Erika could not rely on Will or Boogie to take her to the final two in the first place. But alas, Danielle just quietly slinked away... for the time being.

Then night came, and as a drunken Danielle hung out with George in the hot tub, Erika sauntered out to see what was going on. "Her allegiance is to Chill Town. Remember that," Danielle told him, not caring that Erika was sitting just feet away.

"When I walk out the door, and she comes to you -- 'I did everything to make sure you were safe' -- do not believe that at all," she said. She was right. But she was also tragically too late to figure this all out. Besides, was it really so smart to antagonize Erika when the Veto Ceremony still hadn't taken place yet? Not really. But it sure was entertaining.

At one point, Erika tried to say something, but Danielle barked, "WHAT?" Man, I'd never seen her this way. At least, not since that very first week of Big Brother 3 when she started a whirlwind of controversy with Jerry's salad antics (for which Lori ultimately took the fall).

George recommended that the two ladies have a little talk and patch things up, which caused the drunk Danielle to snap at Erika, "You ready to come here and talk???" This led to light bickering, with Erika entertainingly saying, "Danielle, I did not betray you." Yes, she merely went back on her word in a fateful and devastating way. But it was hardly a betrayal.

Danielle then turned all emotional, insisting that she had had Erika's back -- she had given her her heart. But now, if Erika put her on the jury, she would not receive her vote. "You nominating me is the ultimate betrayal," Dani said, stealing a page from Howie's book. Poor Danielle. She had played such a strong game until now. This was totally the wrong way to go about this. She was destroying any last chances she had with Erika by being emotional and crazy and ultimately threatening her.

It was therefore no surprise that Erika went immediately running to Dr. Will for emotional help. The two zipped up to her HOH room where Will took advantage of Erika's fragile, vulnerable state to further cement the need to get rid of Danielle. Eventually, however, Danielle rang the HOH doorbell, but Will insisted that Erika just be silent and not let her in. This soon turned into a standoff of sorts, as Dani maniacally (or drunkenly, really) rang the bell over and over again, eventually letting her thumb stay firmly planted on the button for what seemed like minutes on end. Yes, Danielle had gone nuts, and honestly, it was sad. You never like to see a great player like her resort to such ineffective acts of desperation. The more she rang that bell, the smaller her chances became of turning Erika. Why, Dani? Why?

Come and knock on my door.... We'll be waiting for you...

At the Veto ceremony, Janelle obviously took herself off the block, which meant the inevitable happened: Erika put a livid, sunglass-wearing Danielle up on the block. The HOH then delivered a teary, lip-quivering speech about how she respected Danielle so much and loved her as a person and hated doing this and hoped that last night's rant was just strategy. In response, Danielle said... nothing. She was just an ice cold statue of rage. Yeah, it was intense. Erika then stormed off, leaving the rest of the house guests to awkwardly sit around the couches and wish they were anywhere else in the house but there (George kept his eyes firmly planted on his feet).

Afterwards, Danielle expressed how angry she was at Erika, but then told us, "Shame on me for trusting her." Yup. Shame on you. You saw that she was aligning with Chill Town. You should have kept to your oath with Janelle.

As the episode ended, we then had another installment of Chill Town theater as the two guys performed another one of their once-annoying, now-lovable phone bits.

"Do you remember a couple weeks back when I got my showmance to put up her very best friend Marcellas, and then we evicted him?" Will asked.

"Yeah," Boogie replied.

"Could I bother you to do that this week with your showmance? Just get her to put up her best friend, Danielle?" Will then said. Mike then said sure, no problem. Laughter ensued.

And once again, Chill Town notches another victory. Are they unstoppable? Can Danielle save herself? And is this season not getting better and better by the minute?

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Posted by B-side on August 30, 2006 3:02 AM