So, it's the final episode of Big Brother and the jury has the great pleasure of choosing to give the $500,000 final prize to Mike "Boogie" Malin or Erika "Bones" Landin. A tough decision, I am sure, considering both of these candidates for the most part where more nauseating than entertaining this summer. I had a tough decision of my own. Should I watch the finale or should I save myself the pain and simply finish all of the booze in my apartment. Combined with some sleeping pills the coma should at least by me a month of not having to accept that either of these two won. Whoever wins, we all lose! Alas, it was my turn to do the recap, and while TVgasm readers are very supportive, they weren't going to wait a month to make fun of Mike, Erika, and the jury just because I am on a ventilator. Therefore, let's get on with the show!

After a short recap of the season, we get right into the nitty gritty of the episode. I think that Julie must have known how boring the episode was going to be, so she decided that she would put a smile on everybody's face by wearing one of her greatest outfits to date. Julie has impressed over the years with many of her wonderful wardrobe choices. I have always been a fan of the Saturn V Pantsuit, and who can forget the six pack ring top which was so good, she decided to try it again?

I'm not sure what you would call that top that Julie was wearing. From a distance, I thought she was just wearing a normal beige silk blouse, but on closer inspection, her top turned into some sort of ecru carnival ride for the eyes. I know Julie has always been fashion forward, and I like to pretend I know something about fashion by watching Project Runway and America's Next Top Model (only one week left!), but who puts on a shirt with origami as a cummerbund?

WOW

Her blouse came right up to her neck, like they were going to use the collar as a shackle, but hey, I guess Les is kinky that way. But what about the front? Oh man! Seriously women, help me out here. If I was looking to buy this shirt, what do I say when I go into the store? "Yes, I'm looking for a flaxen, almost khaki-ish colored top. But the most important feature is that it must feature elaborate folds in the front, because I hear the dinner napkins look is just all over Paris and Milan."

HOT!

And wait! I haven't even talked about the pants. We have been relatively free of camel toe this year, but by god man! I guess Julie wanted to show the new girl on the CBS news block, Katie Couric, that the Chenbot doesn't need any digital enhancement to make her look thinner. You may do the nightly news, but how about you try and fit into a size 0! Ha! Unfortunately, while I was pretty sure that there was camel toe involved, Mrs. Moonves-Chen deftly placed her reading placards in front of her waist to obstruct our view.

I guess this episode wasn't turning out so bad after all, but only five minutes have elapsed, and we were now going to be forced into listening about Mike and Erika for the rest of the hour. However, before I talk about that, can I say how much I am ashamed for America? Look at all of those people in the Big Brother audience! Julie Chen said "but first" and not one person shrieked like a little girl! What is this world coming to? There were more signs for Bunky, who is not even on the show, than there was for Chenbot.

Let's not stand for this any longer. Click on this picture. Print it out. Put it up in your cubicle/office/bedroom, and when people ask why you have a picture of the Early Show anchor up, you tell them "She's the Chenbot and she's awesome. If you don't like that, you suck balls. Big, hairy, donkey balls." OK, you can leave out the balls part, especially if you are talking to your boss, but you get the picture.

Anyway, Julie took us into the house when Janelle arrived. Janelle did her early show interview early in the morning, so I am not sure why it was so late when she arrived to Palm Springs. I guess the traffic on I-10 was worse than I imagined, probably because you need THREE people in the car to qualify for the HOV lane. What the fuck is that? It's practically communist!

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Posted by J-Unit on September 13, 2006 10:54 AM