Big Brother All Stars Choose for Bad or Worse - 
by J-Unit
Boogie's best answer of the night came in response to Danielle, when she asked him why he said that he would be her Jason and then voted her off. Boogie said that if he could go back on his Tivo and see she made no other promises like he made to her, he would give her half of the money. Oooooh! He does have a point there, but really, it doesn't make him any better than Erika, because she decided Danielle was a big threat and got rid of her in a similar fashion.
After Howie asked his question and Mike stroked his ego a bit, it was time for the final statements. Again, Erika seemed unsure of herself. She talked about how her strategy was to go after the puppet master, and she got his best friend to put him up (actually, Mike had no other options) and his best girl to vote him out. Finally, she asked if they would rather give money the money to the person who did the puppet master's work, or the one who took out the puppet master.
That was an OK speech, but Mike had the last word. He said he lied to everybody except Chicken George and Will (actually, he lied to Chicken George as well, because George was never a member of Chilltown, that lie just never had a chance to pop up). He said that "we" were smart enough to keep people around, and when "you" started to figure it out, they were all evicted. Well, Howie and George had no clue what was going on, but whatever.
Then came perhaps the most brownnosing moment of television I have seen or ever will see, at least until Julie Chen interviews TVgasm for the early show. Mike said that each person gave him a little something they probably didn't know. Marcellas motivated him. Howie entertained him. Janelle and James challenged him. Danielle and George inspired him, and Will did all of the above, plus the reach around. He then asked, humble and respectfully, to make him the winner. I was literally nauseous after listening to that, but then I realized that Mike is used to getting famous people to part with millions of dollars to let him run restaurants. Getting these people desperate for fame to give him half a million has got to be a walk in the park, don't you think?
Motivation.
Entertainment
Challenge
Inspiration
PASSION!
Wow. By this time, I decided to throw away that package of Unisom I bought for my last plane trip. I was joking about that whole pill/booze induced coma thing, but watching this show was making me re-evaluate my priorities. The jury walked in, and Janelle had the same exact dress on, except now it was in black. I really like the concept of All Stars in reality shows, but it is clear that we should not give these people any more ideas that they might become famous someday. And besides, the douchebags almost always win.
The votes were cast in the most difficult way possible. OK, I guess they could have been forced to battle a stingray, but everybody had difficulty. Their bag had two keys in it, one for Erika and one for Mike. They had to take one key out and place it in that familiar Lazy Susan of Eviciton Box. Marcellas went up, and besides being long-winded, he said there were no hard feelings.
George also took a long time, and said he always wondered why people just didn't give the money to the person who needs it, but that his vote was in respect to the game. I think we can guess that Will voted for Boogie, calling him his best friend. Janelle continued with the "it's not personal" thing, and James said something about coming to both of them for help, and one said they couldn't help him for strategy and somebody else gave other excuses.
I seriously just wanted it to stop, because I was dying with anticipation. I came up with two solutions to my problem, which was that I believed nether person was deserving. First was to call in a bomb threat, but being a sensitive time of year and not wanting to be flown to Cuba as a terrorist, decided against the idea. My other idea was to go back to school, study microbiology, infectious disease and quantum physics, create a supervirus, wait until time travel was invented, go back in time and infect Mike and Erika with my virus, which isn't lethal, but would put Mike and Erika into a coma until CBS decided to give the money to charity.
From the looks of it my virus plan didn't work. I guess I must have died waiting for them to invent time travel. Either that or I got bored studying biology at UCLA and decided somebody should revisit Kinsey's work half a century later. Then again, maybe the Chinese army kidnapped me (I probably bought a Free Tibet shirt to impress some hippie undergrad) and I am just waiting for the CIA to send Jack Bauer to come and find me. Whatever the case, I guess one of these people has to win now.
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