The Bigger They Are... - 
by copygodd
After a brief recap of last week's inaction, tonight's episode starts off with a "Temptation" challenge. The contestants are led to another food-filled room. At each person's seat is a letter from home and a silver platter full of their favorite foodstuffs. The challenge? "If You Eat It, You Can Read It." Shannon tells the camera, "the first thing I saw was my daughter's handwriting. Instantly, I wanted to... eat." Not really. The first thing she wanted to do was see what was inside, but to do so, she'd have to eat. Talk about a real Sophie's Choice.
The contestants have fifteen minutes to decide which they'd rather do: eat and read, or not eat and not read. Mark is totally egging on the girls, trying to get them to crack. (This last joke yolk brought to you by the American Egg Board.) Jen tells everyone the cards probably say something like "if you're reading this, I'm really pissed at you." Dammit Jen, that was going to be my joke. Now I'm really pissed at you. The show's producers try to build some drama by playing music reminiscent of Chariots of Fire, but they don't have much luck, because instead of inspirational footage of men running down the beach, we get shots of fat people sitting around in a room full of food. Fifteen minutes elapse, and everybody has held strong. Bob tells us having temptations like this in the house is good for them, because it helps prepare them for temptations they'll face outside the house. I only wish Bob had been there that time my parents made me choose between eating and opening a package from Ted Kaczynski. Thanks a lot, mom and dad.
Next, Bob tries to deliver an inspirational message to his team, in his own inimitable Bob-logic. In essence, it goes something like this: In order to lose weight, you have to eat. Wait, where have I heard that mode of thinking before? Oh yeah, on The Daily Show: In order to save the Iraqis, we must first kill the Iraqis. Guess Bob's logic is more imitable than I thought. In addition to being mad at Bob's unlogic, the team's also mad at Kathryn for not making her sprained ankle heal fast enough. If only Margaret from Survivor: Guatemala were on their team.
After a brief montage of Jillian torturing her team, the producers treat us to the night's first bout of foreshadowing: Over shots of Nick not exercising, Jillian tells us "Nick is a renegade. I'll help him when he needs help, and if it starts to become a problem, I'll address it then." Cue foreboding music.
The Robot: Just one of the many dancercize programs waiting for you at 24 Hour Fitness
It's time for tonight's Weight Challenge, which takes place at a local pond. Basically, it involves walking across a beam to a platform in the pond. If you fall in the water, you have to go back and start over. The first team to get all their members to the platform wins. And what do they win? They get to read the letters they passed up earlier in the show, and they get an extra 24 hours to exercise before they have to be weighed. As Suzy tells us, the extra day could be huge for the girls. (Hey, her words, not mine.) "That could be, like, a pound per person," she says.
Because they have one more player, the women have to sit someone out for this competition. No surprise they pick Kathryn, what with her refusing to spontaneously heal herself and all. Man, she is so not a team player.
Seth lays out the guys' strategy: "Basically, we wanted to run it like a relay, with our fastest guy first." (Maybe it's my non-track background shining through, but wouldn't you want to put your fastest guy last, in case he has to make up some ground?) The guys get off to a quick lead, and it looks like they're going to win, until they get to their last guy, Dr. Jeff, who is far and away the slowest one on the team. So slow, in fact, he promptly lets Jen pass him. Great strategy, Seth. It finally comes down to Dr. Jeff versus Shannon, who keeps asking her team how they did it. Ever the motivator, Suzy starts singing: "You just put one foot in front of the other, And soon you'll be walkin 'cross the flo-o-or, Put one foot in front of the other, And soon you'll be walkin' out the door!" Not really. But any day I can give a shout-out to the diminuitive Mickey Rooney is a good day indeed.
The sea was angry that day, my friends.
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