My Milkshake Brings All the Boys to the Yard... - 
by copygodd
After the break, we have time for one last workout before the Weigh-In. Seth tells us he feels vulnerable, because he's the smallest guy and that could make him a threat. Huh? That just means you have less weight to lose, idiot. The show's called The Biggest Loser for a reason. Seth says Nick is also vulnerable, because he's a lazy bastard and he made Jillian cry like a girl. Not really. But speaking of Jillian, she's taking so much pleasure from punishing the guys she should be in an Herbal Essences commercial. (Side note: I used to like that shampoo, but once they started that orgasm campaign, I quit using it. Not because it offended me as a consumer, which it does, but rather because it offended me as a copywriter, which I am.)
Suzi, meanwhile, really wants the women to win because she feels the team is shattered. A better reason might be because a loss would send her home, but Suzi's still freaked out about the menu situation, so she's not thinking too clearly.
Time for the Weigh-In. The guys start out at 1914 pounds. Nick tells Caroline he thinks he's gained weight, because he's eaten so much sushi he thinks he ate a dolphin. Did I mention he's a comedian? They end up losing 26, or 1.35% of their total weight.
Jen's steady regimen of sarcastic looks really seems to be paying off.
That means the women need to lose 17 pounds in order to win. Will Suzi's 48-milkshake gamble pay off? After three weigh-ins, the women have lost nine pounds, meaning they only need to lose eight more for the victory. Too bad Jen's up next, as she doesn't lose any. And here I thought making all those faces would burn off a few calories. That puts the pressure entirely on Ryan to win. (Wait, no it doesn't. It's not like a baseball game and she's the last batter; it's a collective effort. God, now I'm making Jen faces.) Fortunately, Ryan loses one more pound than necessary, bringing the women's total loss to 18 pounds, or 1.37% or their total weight. Bet those 48 milkshake shots are tasting a lot sweeter now, eh Suzi?
Since Mark lost the most weight on the guy's team, Caroline tells the group he's safe from elimination. Then, she tells the rest of the team, "I'll give you until tomorrow night to decide who is weighing you down." Ooh, a catchphrase! And it only took three weeks.
Now, the scheming starts. Nick tells us he's not worried, as he's lost 41 pounds. (Pause.) And 27 pence! (He swears that joke went over better in Ye Merry Olde England.) Instead, Matt, Mark and Nick decide they're going to take out Seth. Mark's logic? "I'm 12 years older than Seth, and I'm losing more weight than him." I bet Mark's going to be a lot of fun at the retirement home. "I'm 12 years older than you, and I don't need a damn catheter!" Later that night, Matt is having second thoughts, and wants to keep Seth over Nick. Mark is having none of it, telling Matt, "As big a pain in the ass as Nick is, he still dropped a three-spot. Did you see how much he ate? I think he can drop a ten-spot. As young as Seth is, he should've dropped at least a six-spot." What a spot-on analysis, Mark. I think all the dieting has made your IQ drop a 50-spot. Matt reluctantly agrees, and it looks like Seth is going home. Surely the producers wouldn't pull a Mark Burnett-style misdirection on us, would they?
At the Elimination Ceremony, everyone dresses fairly well, except Nick, who's wearing a green shirt and green plaid stupid pants, aka Buttafuco pants. This show's elimination ceremony is brutal: not only do you have to reveal who you voted for, you have to explain why. Dr. Jeff says he's voting to eliminate Seth, as he thinks Seth would be the most successful if he left the house now. Seth votes to eliminate Nick, because he thinks Nick is a caring person. A caring person that isn't as committed to losing weight as the rest of the team. Ha! Nick votes to eliminate a mystery teammate named "Larson". Allow Nick to explain: "Where I come from, a 'Larson' is a person who...you can't believe a word they say. And the person I distrust the most is..."
Time for another stupid "The More You Know" PSA. This time it's Karen from Will & Grace, telling me it's who you are inside that counts. Man, I hate preachy actresses.
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