"Tonight's challenge will be different than any other," Caroline tells the contestants. "There will only be one person representing their teams. And the winner will get $5,000 to share with their team." The winner also gets to pick which member of the Red Team has to sit out during the weigh-in. Then Caroline introduces them to the challenge: The Mother of All Stairs. Not to be confused with the Mother of All Escalators, which would make this challenge a lot easier. The first player to race up and down the stairs 10 times wins. Ten times works out to 2,280 stairs. I did that just this morning. No wait, that was 2,280 burps. (Yeah, I'm super-popular at the office.) One final twist: the teams get to pick who on the other team will be taking the challenge. This makes Matt mad, as he really wanted to run the steps, and he's sure the girls won't pick him. He's right, as they pick Mark. The men pick Camryn Manheim. Unfortunately, she's not playing, so they settle on Andrea.

It looks like Mark's 45-hour-a-day workout schedule finally caught up with him, as Andrea totally kicked his ass. In fact, she lapped him with three laps to go. Girls win! Afterward, Caroline gives Andrea a fake hug, the kind you give your really stinky aunt, the one who always smells like sour cream. Speaking of stinky women, one of the best quotes I ever read was when a reporter once asked Robert Smith of The Cure what he thought of Madonna. "She looks like she smells," was his answer. Of course, my all-time favorite rock quote has to be from the late Freddy Mercury, overheard backstage at a concert: "Bring me another boy. This one's spent."

Bob is so excited about the Blue Team's victory he decides to show them how to make a "low calorie dessert to satisfy their sweet tooth." Who talks like that? Oh yeah, Zennie McBuddha. The treat? Chocolate Pudding in a Cloud. Basically, it's Jell-O chocolate pudding (the chocolate pudding) in a cup of whipped cream (the cloud). Taking a big bite, Jen asks "who needs a man when you have Jell-O pudding?" Judging from the look on his face, Bob is obviously thinking the same thing.

What's this? Fatty-Fat-Cam? At 1:12 am, Matt sneaks down to the kitchen and rustles up some extra grub. If he's not sleep-eating, he's got some 'splaining to do.

At the Last Chance Workout, Matt confides he's a little worried. "I always want to feel we're going to win the weigh-in, but we've had two big weeks in a row. To have a third big one, it would really surprise me." Probably not as much as it would surprise his team to discover his late night channeling of Hurley, though.

The girls are wearing matching blue t-shirts that say "I (heart) Bob" on the front. What you don't see is the shirts say "Bob's Big Boy" on the back.

Time for this week's Weigh-In. Since they won the challenge, the Blue Team gets to pick a member of the Red Team to sit out. Mark says if they pick him, the Red Team is going to lose. "But if they don't pick me, we're going to win. Because I am going to put up some mad numbers tonight." He's also going to put his hands in the air and wave 'em like he just don't care.

For some reason, Caroline is wearing a red raincoat for tonight's Weigh-In. Indoors. Isn't that bad luck? And if it's not, shouldn't it be? Before the Weigh-In starts, she reminds everyone it's not total pounds that count, but rather total percentage of weight. As savvy TVgasm readers Shelley and TV Freak pointed out last week, shouldn't immunity also be decided by percentage of weight lost, instead of total pounds? Stupid producers.

Andrea only loses two pounds this week, which isn't good, since she's already on thin ice with the girls anyway. Well, not too thin ice, of course. "In the real world, two pounds is great to lose in a week," she tells us. "But here, it just doesn't make the grade." Considering I just lost two pounds taking a dump from that chocolate cake I ate earlier, I find it hard to feel sorry for her. Although I do feel sorry for my wife, who now has to deal with the odor wafting down the hallway.

Overall, the women lose 13 pounds, for a total of 1.57% of their combined weight. Is that another loss I smell? Nope, just me.

For some reason, the girls decide to make Seth sit out. I guess the producers are trying for some misdirection, as we haven't seen Seth do a damn thing this week. And since Seth loses 10 pounds, while Mark (who've we've been led to believe is a weight-losing machine) only loses four, it looks like the girls might have chosen correctly after all. Mark, of course, is shocked that he only lost four pounds. "I burned 10,000 calories in one day!" he says. "Guess I must have built a lot of muscle this week." Yeah, I'm sure that's it.

Posted by copygodd on October 19, 2005 11:07 AM