I don't know why the producers decided to mess with a successful formula, but this season of the show is totally different than what we're used to. Instead of following the same contestants for 14 weeks, The Biggest Loser: Special Edition (TBL:SE) follows two teams for two weeks. One hour at the Ranch, one hour at home. (Tonight's episode was a two-hour special, however.) This is going to make my job a tad harder, unfortunately, as we don't get to know the contestants nearly as well. For example, it took me six weeks last season to discover Dr. Jeff's vaginankle. Oh well, at least we still have Caroline, Jillian, Bob and the Scale-O-Tronic 4025 around to lend an air of familiarity. And by familiarity, I mean built-in jokes.

Caroline starts off telling us tonight's two families both gained weight because of depression stemming from a family crisis. Don, Melony and Ravee Samuels, from Atlanta, because their mom developed kidney cancer; Otto, Shaun and Erica Muha, from Tampa Bay, because their son volunteered to join the Air Force and go to Iraq. Now, I'm not one to quibble, but it's not like the Muha's son was drafted; he volunteered to go fight, so I hardly think what they faced is a crisis. Whatever.

To fill time, we get some montages of the two families before they go to the Ranch. Erica, the Muha daughter, says she has a 4.8 GPA. When did the Tampa school district start grading on the metric system?

Here's an uninteresting twist: we get to see the "Day of Surprise", when the families learn they're going to the Ranch. The Muha family is spending a typical Sunday at home, as the dad says, eating. What's not so typical (I hope) is there's a crew in the house filming their dinner. A delivery person brings a package that contains Jillian! Oh wait, it's just a DVD of Jillian. Considering her robotic delivery, it's easy to see why I was confused. The DVD tells them they've been selected to come to the Ranch. The family acts surprised, but I think the fact that NBC was there filming their Sunday dinner may have tipped them off to what was happening.

Next up is the Samuels family, or as they call themselves, "Team Showtime (Snap!)". Don wants to look more Denzelish. The Mom is the former Miss Black Atlanta (1983). The daughter says that God blessed her with a voice, but she doesn't have the look. Has she never watched American Idol? I mean, she's no "Velvet Teddy Bear," but she's definitely got it going over Guarini.

The Samuels are spending their "Day of Surprise" at their favorite soul food restaurant, when they receive a DVD player with a message from Bob. I'm surprised the package didn't also contain a stick of incense and an advance copy of the The Tao of Bob.

Wow, so far the S in Special Edition seems to stand for Sucky. But I'm sure things are about to pick up, because it's time for Caroline and the twins.

An unapologetically plump Caroline meets the two teams in the gym, where she gives them the opportunity to say goodbye to their favorite food. Unlike Season Two, however, she doesn't give them the opportunity to eat any of it. Which means we're spared the sight of Don going down on the Red Velvet Cake.

Time for the first Weigh In. The families will weigh in now, stay at the Ranch for 11 days, then get weighed again. The team that's lost the highest percentage of weight then will win a five-night stay in the luxurious Green Valley Spa in Utah. Or, as the Amazing Race: Family Edition's Rolly Weaver calls it, the state that God forgot. After the 11 days, the teams will go home and (hopefully) continue losing on their own. A few months later, they'll return to Hollywood for one final weigh in. The team with the biggest percentage of weight lost then wins $50,000.

Hey, I just realized we're 14 minutes in and there hasn't been a single mention of inspiring a nation. No wonder I'm so bored. At least my Nyquil mixes nicely with the Jaeger.

The Samuels weigh a combined 617 pounds. The Muhas, meanwhile, register an even heftier 724 pounds. I swear, Otto Muha could lose ten pounds just by shaving down. Momma Muha says getting on the scale in her sports bra and shorts was "definitely the lowest point in her life." Wait a second, I thought her son joining the military was the lowest point in her life? I'm getting the feeling this woman experiences a new life low point every hour or so.

Posted by copygodd on January 6, 2006 1:00 PM