Biggest Loser: Not So Special Edition - 
by copygodd
After a couple of days of normal workouts (of which we see surprisingly little), it's time for the first challenge. The families meet Caroline in the middle of the dessert. (I know it's supposed to be desert, but my way is funnier.) The challenge? Carry a giant ice cream sundae across the dessert. Oh, the humanity! As Caroline tells them, "instead of gaining calories by eating giant sundaes, you'll be burning calories by carrying them." The sundaes look really heavy, which makes me wonder why the teams didn't try eating some of the ice cream first in order to lighten the load. It's like the Aesop's Fable where the guy picked the heaviest bag to carry because he knew it had food in it, so the longer the trip went the lighter his bag would get. But, I digress.
The winner of today's challenge gets a new computer, digital camera and printer. Weird. How's that going to help them lose weight? Even weirder is the producers' decision to have the teams accompanied across the dessert by two random ice cream trucks. Maybe they should call this Biggest Loser: Twin Peaks Edition.
Eventually, the Muhas win what turns out to be the most boringest challenge ever.
Back at the Ranch, Jillian said that working with the entire Muha family showed her how they enable each other. So her challenge will be getting each family member to focus on their individual goals and not worry about everyone else. That, and trying to refrain from over-enunciating every other word that comes out of her mouth.
Unbelievably, the next challenge is even lamer than the sundae race: an open book quiz. Time for Erica Muha to put that 4.8 GPA to work. By reading. I tell you, there are few things that make for better TV-viewing than watching two families read a book. I wonder if they're going to re-run tonight's episode on the Paint Drying Channel? Still, at least I didn't get stuck recapping Martha's Apprentice.
Muhas win again. And Otto starts getting all cocky about winning two challenges in a row. "We're on the high road, and they're on the low road" he says. So far, Otto is definitely the biggest loser. Mother Samuel, meanwhile, is likening their time at the Ranch to an "emotional rollercoaster. Every feeling you have in your body, it's there." Even that loving feeling, Melony? Or have you lost that?
At the Last Chance Workout, Don starts taunting Jillian, who tries to get all ghetto on him. Unfortunately for her, she sounds so ridiculous even Zenmaster Bob makes fun of her. However, Don's playful banter seems to upset Otto's chauvinistic sensibilities. So, in order to defend Jillian's honor, he challenges Don to a race. No need, Otto. The Terminatrix is perfectly capable of defending herself. With one single low-level gamma burst she could kill everyone in the gym. Or, at the very least, sterilize them. Don and Otto continue to snipe at each other, thoroughly embarrassing their wives in the process. They decide to go outside and race, fatmano e fatmano. Of course, Otto's confident he'll win. And of course, he doesn't. Finally, the Samuels win something.
Time for the Almost Final Weigh In. Over the past 11 days, the Muhas lost 58 pounds, or 8.01% of their total weight. That means the Samuels have to lose more than 49 pounds to win the spa trip. On his way to the scale, Don says his palms are sweaty. Also, his knees are weak and his arms are heavy. There's vomit on his sweater already, mom's spaghetti. Sorry, I just lost myself in the recap. Okay, snap back to reality… Don loses 23 pounds, which is so overwhelming to him he says he can't even speak. Three times. Which kind of diminishes the whole "I can't even speak" vibe. The Samuels end up losing 55 pounds, or 8.91%, to pick up the victory. Told you Otto should've shaved down.
The game isn't over yet, though. Because now the teams have to go home and work out on their own. In a few months, they'll return for a final weigh in.
When the families arrived back home, they were surprised to see their living room furniture had secretly been replaced with Folgers crystals. And a bunch of new exercise equipment. They also got new appliances and a kitchen full of healthy food and snacks. So now, as a new DVD of Jillian tells the Muhas, they have no excuse not to keep up with the program. Otto says they're not afraid of Jillian; they're just afraid of letting her down. Otto is a liar.
The next hour is all about the family's struggles sticking to their fitness regimens. Here are a few of the lowlights:
Ravee complains about being around her friends when they're eating big old hamburgers and fried chicken, because she can't eat either of those. Nobody said she can't eat a big old fried hamburger, however.
Otto says between being a husband and a father, it's hard for him to find time to work out. Hey, that's the same thing I told my wife last week. If you substitute "father" with "drunk".
Melony goes to the doc to check on her cancer. He says she has a choice: she can either live or die. Where's Dr. Jeff when you need him?
Don says he wishes he could race Otto again right now. "You think I smoked him the first time? Oh my god, he'll be smoked…. like smoked ham, baby." He'll also be crushed. Like something easily crushable. A spinach can, perhaps?
"I yam what I yam.
Even a surprise visit from the trainers can't salvage this hour. Bob is being totally unZen tonight, and the site of Jillian in a bathing suit totally killed my buzz.
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