Look Who's Still Talkin' - 
by B-side
I love Quizno's. I mean, I love Quiznos. But there is one thing that I despise more than just about anything on TV right now: Quizno's commercials. You know what I'm talking about: stupid talking baby. Yes, for those of you unfamiliar with this ill-advised marketing choice, Quizno's has elected to hawk their tasty sandwiches with the ever-annoying (and disarmingly creepy) talking baby mascot. I know what you're thinking: "Didn't the talking baby schtick go out of style four years ago?" Yes. "And wait, was it ever funny, even when it was popular?" NO. Still, despite this, some idiot either at Quizno's has decided to resurrect the timeless comedy of CBS's Baby Bob and force it on pop culture once again.
So imagine my delight to come across this posting on Craigslist:
JEFF GERRARD CASTING (818)782-9900 Is Seeking Thje Following: The Baby we are currently using to play "Baby Bob" in our SAG QUIZNO's Campaign (Who we found thru CraigsList - Yea!!!) is getting older and soon will step down
Wait, could it be? Is Quizno's finally retiring this awful, awful ad campaign??? Have our prayers been answered? For a fleeting moment, a giddy exuberance overcame me, and just when I was about to bolt to Quizno's for a celebratory Spicy Monterey Club (my fave), I decided to read the rest of the post...
so we are looking for babies 6 months to 9 1/2 months old (NO OLDER PLEASE!!!) who look like "Baby Bob" (Go To quiznos.com to check him out). Must be CAUCASIAN and have a full face. Can be a boy or girl (As long as parents are willing to cut the hair short to look like a boy - the current "Baby Boy" is a girl). We are open to seeing single, twins, triplets, whatever. This baby is trhe whole campaign so please NO CRIERS!!! Babies must be outgoing and willing to be held by a number of people through-out the day. The most important thing is that the baby MUST LOOK LIKE OUR CURRENT "BABY BOB".
NOOOOOOO!!! The campaign continues! Must we see this "Baby Bob" (wow, they really did just rip off that sitcom) slowly evolving over time, becoming more and more annoying with each passing commercial? There's only one way to fight this. I encourage everyone to boycott Quizno's until this campaign is over (and hey, they could lower their prices a tad too, but I'll settle for just a victory on the baby front). Also, parents should flood the casting office with tons of "criers" who will so annoy the directors that they'll simply call off the entire ad campaign in exasperation. Sounds like a realistic goal, yes?
By the way, in a press release on the Quizno's website, IAG Research and Advertising Age magazine claim that the Baby Bob spot was the highest rated commercial in January. The newest Baby Bob ad in April was ranked the seventh most liked new commercial in America. Great. Now we'll never get rid of these stupid commercials. Thanks for ruining it, MIDDLE AMERICA!
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Comments
that baby is creepier than those spongemonkey things they had in their commercials a while back.
i liked those spongemonkey things.
WE LOVE THE SUBS
Posted by: LA | June 5, 2005 3:49 PM(#1 of 19)
I despise Baby Bob I liked the ad with the guy raised by wolves having a flashback to sucking on a wolve's teat. And you're right about the prices they are fucking high, but they put ranch on sandwiches! I can't resist the ranch delivery system that is the large Traditional, only $10.00 fucking dollars. I'll go for two big macs for $3 instead.
Posted by: GNARKILL | June 5, 2005 4:13 PM(#2 of 19)
What's red and bubbles?
Baby Bob in the microwave
Posted by: GNARKILL | June 5, 2005 4:15 PM(#3 of 19)
what does it mean to require that the baby "have a full face"? the alternative seems pretty horrible.
Posted by: merlatonin | June 5, 2005 4:31 PM(#4 of 19)
I predict the future full faced offspring of Spears/Federline will become the new Bob.
Which will mean Kevin would still be the only one in the family without a "real" job.
Posted by: Retroqueen | June 5, 2005 5:46 PM(#5 of 19)
I feel for the child whose parents are going to make him suffer through that -- can you imagine when the kid is older and all the teasing he'll get?
Posted by: Jeans Mommy | June 5, 2005 5:48 PM(#6 of 19)
Man, what was wrong with the spongmonkeys?
(And that's right - spong, not sponge)
Posted by: Tetsuo | June 5, 2005 9:37 PM(#7 of 19)
B-Side They are, besides lacking marketing skills on what plays well with the public also pretty hefty on the pocketbook for a freaking "toasted"(oooh another big innovation) sandwich.
http://thecoolstore.blogspot.com/
Posted by: mick | June 5, 2005 11:14 PM(#8 of 19)
Mick, have you seen the Subaway ad where Jared shills their "doubled"(the same sandwiches with toasted bread) menu? It's just all the same shit with the option for a toasted roll! That's not double you cocksmokers!
Posted by: GNARKILL | June 6, 2005 12:30 AM(#9 of 19)
I hate that baby too! it really freaks me out.
WTF middle america, first scott savol and now baby bob? What is your obsession with bald and fat?
Posted by: curlpacks | June 6, 2005 7:28 AM(#10 of 19)
B-Side, we are kindred spirits. The Spicy Monterey Club is my fave as well. And, I'm sorry, but I cannot bear to give it up in your attempts to boycott - it's just TOO GOOD!
Bring back the Spongmonkeys - I loved those nasty things!
"We love the subs! They are a dollar off...with any coupon!"
Posted by: B-Rock | June 6, 2005 7:33 AM(#11 of 19)
Don't be hating on Baby Bob. His show on CBS absolutely ruled! I can't wait 'til the show gets released on DVD -- I'll be first in line.
Posted by: YoYoMa | June 6, 2005 11:10 AM(#12 of 19)
Yeah, ok, Baby Bob is creepy. But I'll take him (or her?) over that mutated gerbil any day of the week. Now that thing was the epitome of creepy!!! Especially when it started to sing in that weird raspy voice . . . "We love de suuuuubs!" I can still hear it now. **shiver** Great, now I'll probably have mutated gerbil nightmares tonight.
Posted by: Akaidah | June 6, 2005 11:29 AM(#13 of 19)
curlpacks, why are you blaming so-called middle America? Everyone I know in the middle portion of the country hates Baby Bob (and never voted for Scott Savol or participated in the "vote for the worst" undertaking.) Don't blame the part of the country you don't live in when marketing campaigns like the hideous Baby Bob one are probably the brainchild of some ad exec in NY or LA!
Posted by: Ashes | June 6, 2005 2:01 PM(#14 of 19)
I DETEST baby Bob. Not as much as the guy sucking on the wolf titty, but I HATE talking brat! I mean, someday that kid is going to look at those commercials that Mommy & Daddy put him in, so they could buy their new Porsches, while he is in rehab and he is going to break out and shoot them both! Now, the spongmonkeys were freakin' brilliant!!! I have a link to the website they still live on, and I check them out often. BRING BACK THE DEFORMED GUINEA PIGS!!!!
Posted by: boopster | June 6, 2005 2:14 PM(#15 of 19)
Ashes- didn't you read the post? B-side blamed middle America first!
I want the singing gerbils back. that always made me laugh.
Posted by: Leah3t | June 6, 2005 3:33 PM(#16 of 19)
You're right about Middle America having an insatiable taste for kitsch. I remember watching the trailers in front of the movie Apollo 13 years ago, and one of them was for _Babe_, the talking pig movie. While watching Yet Another Morphed Talking Cow, I was rolling my eyes the entire time and muttering, "Please kill me now." At the end of the trailer, the woman in back of me, who had been laughing heartily throughout, heaved a big sigh and exclaimed, "Oh, that's a must-see!!!" I'll bet she just _loves_ Bob. And paintings of Elvis on velvet canvas.
Posted by: adhdboy | June 7, 2005 9:28 AM(#17 of 19)
Leah3T, curlpacks took the "everyone outside of LA must be an idiot" rant to a new level by invoking Scott Savol!
Posted by: Ashes | June 7, 2005 12:13 PM(#18 of 19)
Ashes- hah, true, she did kinda go there.....
adhdboy, your story made me giggle for ten minutes. that is always the worst moment in the theater when you see an AWFUL preview and then someone is like 'oh, I'll be fandangoing that little number!!"
Posted by: Leah3t | June 7, 2005 2:14 PM(#19 of 19)