Let Me See Your Samba Roll - 
by J-Unit
OK, so I have to apologize for not bringing you any news from Dancing with the Stars for the last week, but I was so crestfallen after watching Evander Holyfield get eliminated, I lost faith in humanity. The former heavyweight champion of the world did the jive in an orange shirt and black pants with absolutely no hint of natural fiber. Not only that, he looked like he enjoyed it the whole time, with his facial expressions more "happy ending massage" and less "bite my ears off Tyson fight." And America VOTED HIM OUT. I am starting to get annoyed with our sudden penchant for admiring the efforts of C-list talent instead of trying to embarrass themselves deeper into anonymity. This week, everybody is doing the same dance, so we have a real chance to compare everybody head to head.
One thing I like about the show recently is how they take just a few moments at the top of the show to let us know what we should be looking for in each of the dances. Sure, you could find this information on their website, but what is the fun in that if you already have your fat ass in front of the television? Another thing I like is the absolutely planned jokes delivered by Bergeron in his dry, rush-delivery style in a desperate attempt at a few laughs before the judges speak.
One thing I don't like about the competition is the judging. Obviously I am not an expert, but over the last couple of weeks, we have had some pretty arbitrary scoring on the part of the judges. A criticism about one team may seemingly apply to another one, but rarely ever happens. And what about the internet voting? We use the judges' score from the current week's performance, but we use the audience reactions to the previous week's performance, giving us this odd sort of two week running average, but averaging two completely different sets of scoring data. Could you imagine if they scored any other competition in this way?
Whatever. This week's dance for the couples was the samba. You think samba, you think Rio, lots of hips and, new to me, the samba roll. Yes, there is actually a samba roll, and it's not on the menu of your local sushi restaurant (if it is, mail me what's on that combination). Therefore, I decided that the Samba roll will be an avocado and eel roll topped with various fish (like a rainbow roll), covered in ponzu sauce (because I could bathe in that stuff everyday); but that's just me. Maybe some of you have a better idea. [Reader KF alerts me to SushiSamba, which features not one, but four samba rolls on the menu. Interesting choices as well.] The other dance they were to perform was the Viennese Waltz, which required all the couples to be on the floor at the same time, and was the most difficult dance to perform from an endurance standpoint.
First up are Joey and Ashly. They have been training hard, but Joey is having a difficult time, so why not take a trip back home and relax? Well, first of all, your home is in Boston, which means you are going to lose two days of training for travel. Second of all, your family sucks and we hate your stupid accent that you pulled out just so people don't confuse you with being from Pasadena.
On the dance floor, Joey and Ashly would seem to have one of the better chances in the competition. Being so young, you would think they could be much more daring, and since Joey has already pulled off choreography almost as difficult during his boy band days, you think he would be as natural as any on the floor. So how is it that they continuously manage to show the least amount of chemistry each and every week? Ashly has some nice hips that were so very much in motion, and Joey did have a nice move where he pretended to play the bongos on her backside. Smack your bitch up Joey, sometimes it's good for both of you.
| 1 | 2 | 3 Next Page... ( Comments ) | Discuss In Our Forums