Kelly Monaco: 13 Going on 30 - 
by J-Unit
Earlier in the episode, Bergeron promised that the contestants that had previously been voted off would make a reappearance to dance. Yes! I would be able to have one more fleeting image of Evander Holyfield before I go to sleep, although to tell you the truth, the orange shirt he was wearing probably burned my retina, so maybe it was good he lost and didn't subject me to seizures or glaucoma or something. I thought that they would put the returnees into the middle in order to break up the show a little bit, but instead we got started with the freestyle.
You may have guessed by the name, but the freestyle involves a little bit of everything. John and Charlotte aren't the sexiest duo, but they used every ounce of appeal that they had to get this to work. As Charlotte mentioned in the little best moments montage before they came out for their second dance, John is so good at portraying the person he needs to be for every dance, and this time was no different. They were very daring, which surprised one judge, but was worth another 27 points on the scoreboard for them.
I thought their samba was good, and their freestyle was also good, although it looked to me like they made a few mistakes. On a couple of the lifts, it looked like she landed pretty hard on her knees. Then again, this is Hollywood, and a lot of people do a lot of hard work on their knees in order to get ahead. The judges, however, went absolutely gaga over the performance, calling it the best in the whole competition. And with that sort of praise came the 10s. Finally! Kelly and Alec won not one, not two, but three 10s, giving them a total of thirty points, and combined with that 13 they received in the first week, an apt title for the post.
Although ABC thought it had cleared up any confusion as to the scoring system last week, apparently some people missed the advisory, or ABC didn't want to take any chances, so they flashed their web address where people can exhaustively search for the information they needed on the scoring system. With the combined scores of the two dances, Kelly and Alec received 2 of what ABC calls ranking points, and John and Charlotte received 1. That means that the internet vote would have to favorite John and Charlotte for them to have a chance. The internet vote didn't come through, and Alec and Kelly became the champions. ABC even had some fireworks going for the celebration. It made me feel like I was driving through Commerce on the 4th of July.
Everybody clapped, and Kelly was asked to give a speech on what the win meant to her. She went on to say that she was always the underdog and never won anything, so it made her very happy. I'll pretend I didn't vomit when I heard that this girl had such a tough time. Oh, to be so pretty. THE HORROR.
There you have it. One season in the record books. It turned out to be so enjoyable, copycats are all over the place, namely "Skating With the Stars," which promises all of the great costumes and many more falling-flat-on-their-faces moments in the coming months. I really wanted John and Charlotte to win, but Alec and Kelly did do a great job and have worked very hard to get where they are. After both dances, it was a toss up on who was the better dancer, and the internet decided who would get the prize. I still think that scoring from the previous week's performance (with the internet vote) is fairly sloppy and can be problematic. I also think it is a little too convenient that the person who happened to work for ABC won the overall event, but I'll save the conspiracy theory for another day.
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Comments
No, the right team didn't win. How can you give a perfect score to a routine that was quite obviously flawed (in many, many ways)? Maybe they were too busy looking at her titties.
Posted by: wtf | July 7, 2005 3:30 AM(#1 of 27)
Did you hear Kelly go, "Oh, Christ!" after Bergeron announced they were winners, and then he kind of whispered, "We're still on!" and she went, "Oops!"?
Not like it's all that scandalous, but I imagine the legions of her General Hospital minions, er, fans -- whose well-organized voting, I theorize, was the only way she was able to stay in this competition -- may think otherwise.
Posted by: Rita Moreno | July 7, 2005 4:00 AM(#2 of 27)
I am so pissed off - John and Charlotte got totally ripped off! He was pissed, too - you could tell.
Posted by: Testiculon | July 7, 2005 4:14 AM(#3 of 27)
One 10, maybe. Two 10s, possibly. Three 10s? No way. That absolutely smacks of collusion on the part of the judges and ABC. The only way for them to outscore John and Charlotte was to score three 10s. I seriously doubt I will watch this show if it's brought back for a second running, which it no doubt will. I also agree that John looked like he wanted to put his fist, or the judges, through the nearest wall. Good for him, he deserves to be angry.
Posted by: jo | July 7, 2005 5:24 AM(#4 of 27)
clearly, the wrong team won. John and Charlotte did better throughout the whole competition. Kelly and her man( cant remember his name) only won because the people watching the show are women who have nothing better to do but watch soap operas all day. I didnt vote, i wish i had now
Posted by: Gena | July 7, 2005 6:48 AM(#5 of 27)
Here's the only problem with the fixed game scenario - the tiebreaker goes to the person with the most audience votes for that week:
http://abc.go.com/primetime/dancing/scoring.html
If John and Charlotte had won the audience vote last night, they would have won last night. If John and Charlotte had won the judges scoring and lost the audience vote, they still would have lost last night because Kelly and Alec won the audience vote. I think it still smells fishy, but with this convoluted scoring method that they have, it looks like John and Charlotte didn't have a chance. John and Charlotte could have beaten Kelly and Alec by 20 points with the judges and the audience vote still would have given to Kelly and Alec, because that is the tiebreaker. Sucks, I know.
But yes, three 10s on the final routine, especially when there were a lot of problems with a lot of those landings during their lifts, seemed excessive.
Posted by: J-Unit | July 7, 2005 7:05 AM(#6 of 27)
You could always give it the tried-and-true "American Idol runner-up" spin:
"Even though I'm a hardcore O'Hurley-girly, let me just be the first to say I, for one, am GLAD John didn't win. Now he can go out and create his own dancing identity rather than be forced to do the lame, sappy, formulaic dances that ABC would have forced him to do. Enjoy your year as ABC's dancing puppet, Kelly, you dirty whore."
Posted by: Mike | July 7, 2005 7:25 AM(#7 of 27)
What a GIP!!! I can't even imagine how John and Charlotte must feel if I'm this p-o'd! Last night's show was a COMPLETE disappointment!!! Three 10s? Are they kidding me???? They're routing was good, I'm not saying it wasn't. But perfect???? um, no. It was sloppy and awkward at parts and the lifts were HORRIBLE!!!! I'm absolutely disgusted.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not a "Kelly hater" or anything. In fact, I felt badly for her when they were so horrible to her in the beginning weeks. I never thought she deserved that. And I do agree she's come a long way. But they were NOT better than John and Charlotte. PLUS, I wanted to puke when she commented "I've always been the underdog my whole life" - is she kidding me??? Yeah, poor you. Rough life having a beautiful face, a slammin’ body, and on one of the hottest soap operas around (I'm guessing considering it's been around forever - I don't do the soap opera thing...I even have two friends on two different soaps and I still RARELY catch them. I usually leave it up to my sis to tell me when/if something interesting happens w/their characters and then MAYBE I'll Tivo).
And, J-Unit, I don't see how you figure that and J&C would’ve lost either way. Did you see somewhere how many votes each couple received? The way I figure it is this: even if J&C received 10K votes, and K&A received barely over half that amount, they would win because each of their votes was counted as double.
Either way, I don't care, I won't be watching if they were to do a DWTS2. COMPLETE and UTTER disgust is what I feel. What happened last night is exactly why I used to refrain from these "vote off" reality shows. They're never fair - they're ALWAYS skewed (still surprised over the Hilton mama getting rid of BOTH of her colorful characters).
Sorry. End of rant.
Posted by: Christy | July 7, 2005 8:41 AM(#8 of 27)
J-Unit, sometimes the seeds and stems come in handy.
Posted by: shelley | July 7, 2005 9:13 AM(#9 of 27)
Guys, you haven't lived until you've strained your bong water through a coffee filter.
Posted by: Testiculon | July 7, 2005 9:26 AM(#10 of 27)
What a joke. Why did Kelly win? One reason: Good TV. The judges ceaselessly pimped the "underdog" angle, which ABC picked up on, and we all know where that leads.
When you've already written the compelling story, you kinda have to follow it through to the end. What's a good underdog story if the underdog doesn't actually win? People always expect less from the underdog, so every mistake is minimized, every success maximized. (If you don't believe me, just remember the 2000 election.)
Posted by: flush it all away | July 7, 2005 9:38 AM(#11 of 27)
The right team didn't win. Sure, Kelly had the internet vote either way (her legion of GH fans made sure of that) but the three perfect scores? Come on. She almost fell flat on her face twice and Alec slipped.
I hate to jump on a silly bandwagon, but it seemed like a fix (I know, it's shocking that a reality t.v. show is fixed).
ABC ruined 6 weeks of enjoyment for me and I probably won't watch a second edition of the show because it just seems so rigged.
Posted by: nicole | July 7, 2005 9:39 AM(#12 of 27)
John and Charlotte were ROBBED, plain and simple. If Kelly had not been a soap star (and a slutty naked one at that) she would have been out after the first round. This was a popularity contest, not a talent contest.
For shame, America, for shame . . .
Posted by: happy_gal | July 7, 2005 9:46 AM(#13 of 27)
First off, I thought Kelly and Alec's routine was great.
Second, is it just me or did it seem like practicing in the pool was just an excuse to see eachother in swimsuits.
Posted by: tv freak | July 7, 2005 10:38 AM(#14 of 27)
What about that Lost commercial for oceanic-air.com?
Posted by: mck | July 7, 2005 1:48 PM(#15 of 27)
Of course the wrong couple won. I knew from the beginning when I learned half of the score would come from the viewers that Kelly would win. She's a soap star, and there are no more loyal fans than soap fans!
Enjoyed the show anyway and plan to watch #2.
Posted by: Jim | July 7, 2005 2:03 PM(#16 of 27)
Fluff won over substance. I thought this was a "dance" contest not whatever Kelly and Alec were doing contest. I was more disappointed than I should have been. John and Charlotte were ROBBED.
And, yes, I thought the pool scenes were a little much. Sort of a wet t-shirt thing.
Posted by: Kathy | July 7, 2005 4:25 PM(#17 of 27)
yep, i knew it. kelly would gyrate her way into first (not to mention a little flashy flash). of course j. peterman was better & deserved to win, but big deal - it's not like it's a real competition. just look at the prize - a freakin' DISCO BALL with "dancing with the stars" across the front.
Posted by: rhm | July 7, 2005 4:58 PM(#18 of 27)
Enough about Kelly. Can we bring Alec back next year? I know he greases up his hair quite a bit but I sincerely love him because he looks like a latin Cillian Murphy - and who couldn't use one of those in their life? Not into the short thing, but every once in a while I do disregard my height requirement.
(damn i missed the pool scene because well i wasn't really watching the show.)
Posted by: jayneatomic | July 7, 2005 8:30 PM(#19 of 27)
mck,
I had to rewind my dvr to make sure I didn't imagine it. What a clever ad.
Btw - John Hurley didn't really lose, he's already got a few commercials running so clearly the show boosted his lagging career.
Posted by: TinkerbellAPixie | July 7, 2005 8:40 PM(#20 of 27)
I live in Philadelphia and I'm pretty sure that John O'Hurley is the voice for the BEN FM radio station... and from what I'm told there's a similar station in other markets (JACK FM, BOB FM, etc. etc.)... anyone else know? anyone else care?
Posted by: Greg | July 7, 2005 9:47 PM(#21 of 27)
Of course, Kelly Monaco won. Didn't she have the Cinderella story on the Cinderella, whoops, Disney, whoops, ABC network.
Posted by: dan | July 8, 2005 5:41 AM(#22 of 27)
John and Charlotte were clearly the better dancers! They oozed charisma, charm and graceful, dance elegance. After all this was a BALL ROOM dancing competition, not who-can-shimmy-and-shake-and-girate the best. Kelly sure had that down. I didn't even know who she was before this show, so I didn't dislike her because she's on a soap. And yes she did improve over the show, so she should have gotten a "Most Improved" award, NOT won the competition!! John and Charlotte were the best! It was so enjoyable to watch them, I sure was rooting for them. I hope the next Dancing with the Stars isn't as rigged, er I mean disappointing.
Posted by: lesleyaggie | July 8, 2005 11:42 AM(#23 of 27)
And what about that completely craptastic "trophy" that the winners got ? Looked like a 6th grade science project, complete with glued on gold glitter. Next time they should let these teams play to win money for their favorite charities at least.
Posted by: Shoe-In | July 8, 2005 1:11 PM(#24 of 27)
Yeah, I know it's just a TV show but it got me so riled up. John got Robbed plain and simple and I really think someone owes me an apology. I haven't seen a fix like this since the NBA Finals.
How is it that not one 10 is given out the entire length of the show and a routine in which the professional male slips, the celeb actually waits a half second for the pro to move into a step (Twice at that) and finally gets dropped on her knees to close it out warrant three of them?
What would be harder, John lifting Charlotte or Kelly being lifted by Alec? I'm sure if you asked non-GH fans if the right person won you'd get close to a 3 to 1 ratio atleast.
J-Unit, you're right about the voting too. Totally blows. There's gotta be some show in which the judges have atleast 2/3 the power. That way Crappy McCrapperson can't stay on longer than he should.
Posted by: Mital | July 9, 2005 7:22 AM(#25 of 27)
Did anyone see Kelly and Alec on Jay Leno the other night? They danced a little ditty before commercial and she fell on her face, again, or she would have if Leno hadn't caught her. She should just blame it on the fake boobs throwing her balance off.
Alec is russian, not Latin, who knew?
Posted by: jayneatomic | July 9, 2005 7:24 PM(#26 of 27)
I don't think that Kelly should have won either. I think that ABC messed up big time, and they will see this when they lose money in advertising and stocks etc. We started a petition over on the ABC message board (I did not write it.), and the link is http://www.petitiononline.com/mod_perl/signed.cgi?ballroom&1. You can sign it if you want to, or you don't have to. It's up to you! The petition has been mentioned in an article, and ABC declined to comment. I just thought that I would let you all know!;)
Posted by: guest | July 14, 2005 9:23 PM(#27 of 27)