Guess what? Mario was super stressed about having to learn two dances; so what did he do? He visited his family! Who would have thunk it? In a blatant effort to pander to women, Mario cradled his newborn niece in his arms, showing the softer side of this playah. Somewhere, Eva Longoria's heart was aflutter.

For their dance, Mario and Karina (donning a blonde wig) performed the foxtrot, and no surprise here: it was awesome. As usual, they received universal praise; although, Len did have one bone to pick. He noted gravely that he had never seen a foxtrot with not one heel lead! "America sits in stunned silence," replied Tom Bergeron, making me laugh out loud -- much to my chagrin. Damn that Bergeron and his snappy comebacks!

Well, heel lead be damned! Mario earned a near perfect score with two tens and a nine (Len was the sour sport, as you can imagine). This caused Mario to go absolutely nuts as he gushed like crazy about how excellent this was and blah blah blah. SILENCE, dimple-face! With the added twenty-nine points, Mario's two-week score ascended to 57 out of 60. Near perfecto!

Joey & Edyta

This week, Joey had to dance the foxtrot to "Singing In The Rain," and what better way to get inspired than to visit the studio lot where the famous song was filmed? He and Edyta chuckled their way through the Sony lot, practicing their dance moves and honing their inner Gene Kelly. At one point, Joey made some joke about how happy he was that it wasn't raining -- which could only mean one thing: silly hi-jinx were to ensue! Sure enough, Edyta busted out a random hose (because those are always just lying around on studio lots) and sprayed poor hydrophobe Joey. She then screamed, "That's right! SING IN THE RAIN, BITCH!"

Anyway, all this inspiration on the studio lot was worth it because the two performed a fun little Foxtrot, complete with umbrella and all (didn't he know it was bad luck to open an umbrella indoors???). The judges again loved the dance, but Len was still bitter about the lack of heel leads. The man just wants a heel lead, people! Nothing too big: just something light, bright, and DYN-O-MITE!!!

Afterwards, in Samantha Harris's lair of stammers and slurs (which were going at full force this week), Joey babbled on and on about how Dancing with the Stars is such a wonderful show and how great it is to be part of it and blah blah blah. Looks like somebody drank the ABC Kool-Aid. His reverence was rewarded handsomely: the judges gave him two tens and a nine (again, Len still bitter about those heel leads). With this near perfect score (which brought his total up to 53 out of 60), Joey's bobblehead went into full power, nodding and rocking at speeds so great, I thought it might unhinge itself and roll out of the room.

Jerry & Kym: The Sequel

Returning to the stage for a second time were Jerry and Kym, who just wanted to pull off the perfect mambo. Since we already saw their training footage earlier in the show, we simply cut to the chase (thank God) and watched the two dance their booties off. It wasn't particularly great -- I wouldn't call Jerry a paradigm of hip-shaking -- but it was pleasant. Kind of. Carrie Ann applauded Jerry but said that he just wasn't on the same playing field as everyone else. Len tried to defend him a bit ("It was nice. Concise. Like Condoleeza Rice."), but Bruno sided with Carrie Ann. Final scores: 7, 8, and 7. These twenty two points brought the total score to 64 out of 90, causing Jerry to happily comment, "My age!" Later, Tom Bergeron deadpanned, "I don't think Jerry looks ninety." I'm embarrassed to say that I laughed out loud again. Bergeron -- you're en fuego!

Monique & Louis Van Amstel Lite: Reloaded

With Rachel Ray observing in the audience (and shockingly un-hyper), Monique and Louis performed the paso doble to none other than Duran Duran's "The Reflex." Kind of an odd choice, but it worked, weirdly enough. It certainly was better than when poor Vivica A. Fox had to paso doble to Bon Jovi. Anyway, these two were solid once again; although, we've seen so many great paso dobles in the past that it's hard to live up to such high standards. The judges gave them nines across the board, raising their total to 77 out of 90. Buy time don't lose it, Monique!

Emmitt & Cheryl: The Two Towers

Emmitt Smith + Mambo? Sounds like a recipe for success. Sure enough, he was out of control, shimmying like he's never shimmied before. These two were undulating machines, and they had the crowd going nuts. They were truly excellent, and afterwards, Len said it was the best dance of the entire season! Could this be it? Could this be the first perfect score of the year???

Carrie Ann INABA: ten! (Crowd cheers)

Len Goodman: TEN! (Crowd going nuts)

And now it was down to Bruno. He's pretty liberal with the tens, so would he give it up for the man???

Bruno Tonioli: nine. (BOOOO!!!) So close. So close. Everyone thought they'd get the perfect score. Who would have thought that Bruno would be the spoilsport? Still, twenty-nine points is nothing to balk at, and the score raised Emmitt's total to 82 out of 90. Could he maintain control over first place?

Mario & Karina: Part Deux

Posted by B-side on October 26, 2006 1:27 PM