Ultimately, the two earned eights across the board for a total of twenty-four. Louis tried to shrug it off by accentuating the positive, saying, "If you think you can't do something, you can." Well, APPARENTLY NOT!

Emmitt & Cheryl

As usual, Emmitt and Cheryl decided to make yet another field trip, this time up to San Francisco where the two visited Cheryl's house -- which just happens to have a GINORMOUS ballroom. Okay, there had to be some story behind that. Did she live in some sort of chateau in Nob Hill? Is she known for throwing the grandest masquerades in all of the Embarcadero? You don't just have a ballroom. Even if she was on the show last season, and even if she had accumulated some prizes on the professional circuit, I couldn't imagine the income could cover such a lavish expense. Clearly Cheryl is the heir to some sort of family fortune. Perhaps her father manufactures the finest sequins in all the land!

Emmitt was equally stunned, but not really in the same way. He commented that some people have bowling alleys or indoor basketball courts in their houses. Uh, how about some people have dinettes and breakfast nooks. Not all of us are Cribs-worthy (although, I do have a formidable new bookcase from Ikea, thank you very much).

Anyway, Emmitt and Cheryl performed a delightful foxtrot that was entertaining to watch but apparently not so traditional. Len complained that there weren't enough ballroom elements, yelling at one point, "IT WAS A SHOW DANCE!!!" Bruno vehemently disagreed, and Carrie Ann meanwhile nitpicked about Emmitt's arms. Ultimately, he received two eights and a nine for a total of twenty-five points.

Halfway Point, Woohoo!

Since we were now done with the first round of dancing, ABC suddenly realized that there might not be enough substance to fill the next fifty-five minutes. Not to fear! The producers shoved another "A day in the life of the stars!" segment down our throats, and while it was mildly interesting, it didn't really shed much light on anything in particular. Let's just move on...

Joey & Edyta: Once More, With Feeling!

For his next dance, Joey had the imposing task of doing the paso doble on Halloween, which immediately brought back fond memories of Drew and Cheryl's "Thriller" version of the same dance. Of course, whenever I see a couple doing the paso, I always compare it to that perfect-score performance, but this time, it really was apt. In fact, I bet Joey and Edyta wished they had a piece of music as visceral as "Thriller" because they were left to make the most out of the Rolling Stones' "Sympathy For The Devil," albeit a great, classic song -- but a paso doble number? Not so much. Either way, they still did nicely, earning strong, if not exemplary marks. Ultimately, the two pulled in a nine, an eight, and another nine for a total of twenty-six, bringing Joey's full score up to fifty-four out of sixty. Bobblehead COMMENCE!

Mario & Karina: Un Fois Plus!

Samba? And Mario Lopez? Need I explain how good it was? These two were in the zone yet again, but instead of talking about how awesome they were (and they certainly were), I've decided to use this time to voice something that's been on my mind. You know, every time Mario refers to Karina, he rolls his "R's" and really adds the Latino accent, which is fine, and I understand that that's what he's been raised with etc. But it kind of annoys me because Karina isn't Latina. She's Russian. Therefore, the true pronunciation of her name wouldn't be with a Latin accent, right? Or am I merely confusing Mario's attempt at a Russian accent for Latino? Please, discuss.

Anyway, Mario and Karrrrrina earned gigantic raves from Carrie Ann and Bruno, who clucked something about "Supersonic! Supercharged! Super Mario!" He then added, "Supercilious! Superimposed! Super duper! Superman! Superfluous! Superlative! Super Sale! Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!" Len, on the other hand, wasn't as ecstatic. I mean, he loved the performance, but while the pieces were are "lovely" to him, the whole lacked a spontaneity. This elicited a chorus of boos as well as plenty of heated cross-talk with all the judges. Ultimately, however, Mario still walked away with an impressive score: two tens and a nine (LEN) for a total of twenty-nine out of thirty. That brought his final tally to fifty-seven out of sixty. Not bad. Not bad at all...

Monique & Louis: Coming 'Round Again

Determined to prove to the judges and America that she could handle challenging choreography, Monique and Louis attacked their Cha Cha Cha like gangbusters. Or should I say, Ghostbusters (RIMSHOT!). Yes, the two danced like nuts to the Ray Parker Jr. classic, and not only were the light, playful, and having fun, but the choreography felt interesting and unique. Would it pay off? You bet!

Who you gonna call? Ballroombusters!

Len called it fantastic, and all the judges absolutely extolled the performance. It seemed like Monique might get that elusive ten, let alone the season's first perfect score. Sure enough, she did land two tens, but she couldn't go the distance. Carrie Ann Inaba of all people stuck her with a nine. OH CARRIE ANN! SPOILER! With the added fifty-three points, Monique's total rose to fifty-three out of sixty, which wasn't bad, but she probably could have benefited from an extra point or two...

Emmitt & Cheryl: Do It To Me One More Time

Posted by B-side on November 1, 2006 5:57 PM