Previously on Desperate Housewives Edie got lost in an airbrushed house of mirrors possibly to never be seen again.

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It seems that real life has taken over this week causing me to be very late with the Desperate Housewives recap. We're going to give a quick rundown of what happened per person 2 episodes ago and then lead right into the full recap of this week. Hold onto your hats 'Gasm fans, it's going to be a bumpy ride.

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Previously on Desperate Housewives, the gay kid got one line, the gay couple completely disappeared, and not a lesbot in sight. Yet somehow Desperate Housewives is still the gayest show on television. God bless you Marc Cherry.

"Girlfriend, you better get your hot tranny mess ass down here. Seriously, this fire is fierce."

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This week's Desperate Housewives brings more intrigue, action, drama, sex, and the kind of bawdy antics we've come to expect. But most importantly we get to see some really deep cleaning.

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I know there has been a lot of backlash against Desperate Housewives but for those naysayers, the show is back and it's just as good as ever. Bree is still Martha Stewart on heroin, Lynette is still a badass, Gaby is still a skank and Susan is......well Susan tries.

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When last we left Wisteria Lane disaster had struck in the form of a twister. Victor had suffered a wooden stake through the heart, Carlos got a bump on the noggin from flying debris, and seemingly Lynette's entire family was squashed by Miss McCluskey's shoddily constructed house. Which of these was worse? Who's to say? Will tonight's pre-strike episode give any answers? Let's find out after this here jump, shall we?

This writer's strike has truly devastated Hollywood

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I've always been one to hold grudges. I still haven't completely forgiven Jake Glick for being the first person in school to get a My Buddy doll. I'm not going to get into the details but I have yet to forgive Hilary Duff. She knows what she did. And I have still not forgiven Beverly Hills 90210 with baiting me to believe a main character would die and it ended up just being that geeky blonde freshman that nobody ever liked who was in two episodes. When I heard that two major characters would die on this week's episode of Desperate Housewives, I had my doubts about the validity of their claim. Did they prove me right or wrong? Let's find out after the jump.

Since there's now a character named Adam on the show, I'm going to take all this downtime to come up with some kind of "Adam's Apple" joke.

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One of two things happened with this episode of Desperate Housewives: The writers knew they were going on an extended vacation with donuts provided by Jay Leno, or they're saving up their best stuff for next weeks "there's a twister a comin'" episode. This week we get obvious non-questions such as "is Richard Chamberlain gay?" (yes), "did Victor survive?" (yes) and "has Mike finally kicked that pesky pill popping habit?" (no). Sometimes you have to wade through the muck to get to the good stuff, so let's dive in. The muck's just fine.

"Spectacles, testicles, wallet and watch."

Posted by FozzieBare at 7:27 PM | Permalink | Comments (7)

First off, sorry about the late recap but I've been in the hospital the last couple days with a nasty case of encephalitis. OK, that's a lie, but it's a lie that leads us into the recap. Mary Alice Ghostly tells us that this week's episode of Desperate Housewives is all about deception, which is a little like saying that this week's dawn is all about the sun rising. Gaby is lying to Victor, Mike is lying to Susan, Bree is lying to Orson, and Susan's just lying to herself by wearing clothes from Forever 21. Which of the lies will see the light of day, and which will just be covered up with more foundation?

He looks just like his "mother." Screaming, face all puckered and bright red.

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We all have fears. A fear that our lover doesn't feel the same as we do. A fear of the dark, and what lurks and goes bump within that darkness. A fear that our television series won't be picked up for another season. The only way to overcome these fears is to face them and come out the other side stronger and more resilient. I did that this week and watched Desperate Housewives in High Definition for the first time. Truly terrifying.

"Okay, Ms. Hatcher. We're gonna do one more coat and see if that works."

Posted by FozzieBare at 12:23 AM | Permalink | Comments (16)