As the episode opens we get mother-in-law from hell Phyllis and good old Bree, in yet another fantastic black mourning outfit, going to Rex's grave to leave some flowers. Bree is wondering about Phyllis's faulty memory, to which we get a series of flashbacks where we see Phyllis's "memory problems" all of which result in something bad happening to Bree. Falling down on a wet floor, sitting in a newly painted chair, etc. Only we only get the aftermaths of these mishaps so it's kind of like watching America's Funniest Home Videos the moment the video ends. I mean, who wouldn't want to see Marcia Cross take a digger? That would've made my night. Oh well. Once they reach the grave they are shocked to see that it is empty. When Bree wonders why in the world someone could do this, Phyllis then suddenly "remembers" that the insurance man came by the house while she was out and said that they were investigating the possibility that Rex was murdered, and she "forgot" to tell Bree. I of course was wondering how any show could write in a scene where the mother of a dead man could have her son's remains disinterred without the wife's knowledge or permission, but then I realized we are watching Desperate Housewives, and that would be like asking why the phasers on the Enterprise make noise in space. Some things just aren't supposed to make sense. As Phyllis walks off we see her with her shit-eating grin, thus revealing that her memory is fine; she's just an evil bitch.

Gabrielle meanwhile is standing in her window having her morning wet dream about her gardener/former lover John. Right as the fantasy is about to get good we get the usual "snap out of it moment" and Gabrielle then looks out to see that the gardener that she actually has is in fact Horatio Sanz's father. I'm sure somewhere off camera Jimmy Fallon's dad was doing something really unfunny and Horatio's father started to crack up. I hate Jimmy Fallon (except for Taxi, that shit was hee-larious). She then pops in her car and heads on over to park across the street from John as he mows someone’s lawn and she sits in her car and ogles him. Come to think of it, her hands weren't visible, so who knows what was going on in that car other than ogling. I'm thinking of a word and it rhymes with "plaster baiting."

In slapsticky Susan land, she's marching towards Edie and Karl's house in her oh so wacky walk. When her "pseudo boyfriend because his son who he never knew he had tried to kill her" asks what’s up, she says that Karl was supposed to return Julie by 6 and it's already . . . 6:15. As she stomps up to Edie's house she says that for all she knows there could be porn and drugs in the house. This would make things interesting, but then we look in and see Julie singing while Edie plays the guitar. And they all look happy, much to the consternation of Susan. She hates Edie so much she was wishing to see her knee deep in porn and drugs. So was I, but for vastly different reasons.

Over at the Scavo's, Lynette comes home to find her husband Tom and son Parker playing catch outside the house. Tom then tells Lynette that tomorrow is Parker's first day of kindergarten. Once Parker finds out that Lynette won't be there to see her off on his first day because she has to work, the kid goes into super pouty mode and Lynette cracks within about 45 seconds and promises him she'll be there. Tom tells her that she has just been manipulated, to which I can only say A-freaking-men. If growing up all I had to do was pout to get my way, I'd be the king of the world right now. Lynette has turned into Cartman's mom.

At the police station Bree is demanding answers. Of course one of her questions isn't "how did you get the authority to exhume my dead husband's remains based on nothing but a suspicion without even notifying me, much less asking for permission?" Seriously, this plot hole is driving me nuts. The detective, played by that character actor who has made a nice living by being the perennial "weaselly bad guy" in films such as Ghostbusters 2 , simply says there were "anomalies in the report." Bree then realizes what we've known all along: Phyllis is throwing her under the bus.

Posted by EdHIll on October 11, 2005 8:52 AM