Fathers Know Best - 
by EdHIll
Later at a church meeting Gabrielle is having small talk with the priest and finds out that if it weren’t for a lack of funds Sister Mary would have been going on the Botswana trip and been gone for months. Seeing an opening Gabrielle then donates the 8 thousand dollar shortfall and the priest announces that the trip is on after all. Yah!
The next afternoon as Gabrielle comes home she sees Sister Mary and Carlos laughing it up in the living room. She then lets it slip that Carlos is coming with her to Botswana. Because that’s the kidn of thing you want to decide without talking it over with your wife first. He wants to be one of “Gods soldiers� (apparently talking about life changing decisions with your wife first isn’t high on the list of things for “Gods Soldiers�) and Sister Mary said she’d rather have a “male companion with her�. Other than Jesus that is, because Jesus won’t sneak into her tent in Botswana and give her the high hard one. Knowing that Carlos was just early paroled and the idea if sending him to a third world country is absolutely unthinkable in any circumstance, the writers throw in a throw away line along the lines of “My parole officer is being a real mensch about this�. What are the chances of a devout Catholic “soldier of God� referring to someone as a mensch? See, there I go, getting all “Old EdHill� again. Go with the flow man go with the flow.
When she goes to leave Gabrielle tells Sister Mary that she is not above hitting a nun, Sister Mary comes back and says that she can go ahead, but she better leave a mark. Now if it was me I’d just knee her in the cooter real hard and pull her hair. That never leaves a mark. But Gabrielle must not fight girls as much as I do and she does nothing.
Oooh. Soo close.
Her moment comes later however as she is at the hospital helping Carlos fill out forms and realizes he forgot to fill out his list of allergies. When she finds out from the nurse that leaving out the fact that he is allergic to eggs will leave him sick with the shots he's about to take, she leaves the space empty. This of course leads us to the next scene with Carlos sick in bed and not going to Botswana. Things get even more interesting when Carlos calls out Sister Mary’s name in his delirium. And they get even more interesting when he mumbles something about her using "the whole fist this time".
At Bree’s house we see Andrew and Justin playing video games. When Andrew goes to make out with Justin he says they shouldn’t because his mom could walk in. At this point Andrew says he doesn’t care and reveals his master plan of waiting one day until Bree screws up so he can ruin her life. Ahhh, nothing like a good old evil gay stereotype to fall back on. All we need now is a greedy Jew and a drunk Irishman and we’re all set.
The next day Bree tells Andrew she wants Andrew and Danielle to see a therapist together. Andrew wants nothing to do with it and expresses his disgust at not being able to kill George himself. Bree asks him if knowing George was executed would help him and he says yes. This leads Bree to stupidly tell Andrew everything that happened that night. That she let him die, etc. Andrew thanks his mother and gives her a hug and we get a close-up of the evil gay mastermind now plotting his mother’s demise.
The Applewhite’s meanwhile are also plotting. In fact pretty much everyone plots on this show at some point or another. THe APllewhites are going to spring Caleb from the psych ward at the hospital. Betty is posing as a volunteer playing the piano. What they don’t know is badass Michael Ironside is also in the hospital posing as a hospital worker and holding a syringe looking for Caleb. When he spots him in the break room listening to the music, he sees Matthew sneak Caleb out of the hospital and follows him out.
Finally the episode ends with Paul telling Mike that his crazy small mouthed son Zach is back, but tells Mike that he is to stay way from them or he will go to the police. When he then says that he and Zach are moving away Mike tells him that if he does he will go to the police, thus leaving everything in a nice soap opera standstill that will take months to resolve.
And speaking of months that’s the last new episode until January 8th of 2006, so I hope it was enough to tide you over. But don’t worry, TVGasm is now recapping Grey’s Anatomy too so I’m sure that’ll tide you over until then. And of course there’s always Project Runway 2 which starts this week. What does Runway have to do with Desperate Hosuewives. Eh, not much really, its just the best reality show on TV. You gotta do what you gotta do in those dark days between sweeps months.
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Comments
More Susan physical comedy gags, but I did like the spray paint on the garage, and how Edie pointed it out. It should of been written on other garage doors too.
Get rid of Lynette. I am so sick of all her 'being a mother' crap. Get lost. We don't care about children. I want to see crazy whacked out unbalanced skanks go bed hopping. No one cares about day care.
KH
Posted by: katieshole | December 6, 2005 4:01 PM(#1 of 35)
Edhill you crack me up. "Knee her in the cooter..." hahaha. "greedy Jew and drunk Irishman.." I had to put my hand over my mouth to keep from laughing out loud at work.!!!!
Posted by: CB | December 6, 2005 4:11 PM(#2 of 35)
God, this is flippin' hilarious. I don't remember laughing this hard since first reading "The Sneeze"...Check it out. Sneeze.com
Anyway, the whole "kneeing her in the cooter" bit just about floored me. Thanks for making my afternoon at work a joy!
Posted by: Murphy's Law | December 6, 2005 4:15 PM(#3 of 35)
When was Penelope Ann Miller nominated for an Academy Award?
Was it for her critically-acclaimed performance in "The Gun in Betty Lou's Handbag"
--Nate
Posted by: Nate | December 6, 2005 4:27 PM(#4 of 35)
I am sure they would let someone on parole out of the country, much less out of the state.
Posted by: peni | December 6, 2005 4:30 PM(#5 of 35)
cooter?
Posted by: The Svan | December 6, 2005 4:35 PM(#6 of 35)
Did I miss something?!? Did Susan really tell his father's wife that she was his SON?!? Or is it just a joke that's gone over my head...?
Posted by: bea | December 6, 2005 5:12 PM(#7 of 35)
Katieshole,
as far as wanting to see crazy whacked out unbalanced skanks go bed hopping, I have to say I dont need to see that. I watch this show to escape reality, not relive it.
Posted by: EdHill![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/nav-commenters.gif)
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December 6, 2005 5:13 PM(#8 of 35)
There is a bitchin' recipe for Cooter Pie in the cookbook "White Trash Cooking". Wasn't Cooter on the Dukes, too? EdHill, we call that thing a "Coo-coo". At least that's one of the several terms of endearment.
PS- I really like the link to "great mother". In fact I may send her a copy of White Trash Cooking.
Posted by: Lizardqueen | December 6, 2005 5:14 PM(#9 of 35)
that creepy ass man/nun makes me not wanna watch. great recap though. as usual.
Posted by: Amo | December 6, 2005 5:47 PM(#10 of 35)
why did they pick someone so hideous to play this 'hot nun?' i'm so disgusted every time she's on screen.
Posted by: pinkie | December 6, 2005 8:26 PM(#11 of 35)
Yeah, about the whole "mensch" thing? Aren't the Solis' like Puero Rican or something? Do Latinos walk around using the expression "mensch" usually? I think not. I think this is when I just turned the TV off for the night-this week's episode was just too corny with the baby kidnapping, and the "WHORE" sign on the garage, and the blow up doll, and the supermarket throwing scene... I was done at "mensch".
I couldn't take any more DH. I liked Bree's evil, angry gay son, though. That was hot.
Looking forward to your MTB3 recap.
Posted by: joslyn | December 6, 2005 8:48 PM(#12 of 35)
I hate it when people make comments about the wrong show, but where's the MTB3 recap, Ed???
Posted by: k-slice | December 6, 2005 9:48 PM(#13 of 35)
For all you young'uns out there, "whore" is what you'd look up in a dictionary if you wanted to find out what a "ho" is; you see, "ho"--actually "'ho'" is the streeter/wannabe ghetto shortform of that longer word. Now remember, your second draft of your Romeo and Juliet paper is due on the 12th, and, because this is an academic endeavor, you'd be better served to edit "Juliet is such a ho" to "Juliet is such a whore," since we always use our most formal language when writing, right? Oh, and make sure you can substantiate your position.
Oh, and Ed dearest, if it is only one psycho owning a something, it takes the apostrophe; if it is several psychos just hanging, it takes nothing; if it is several psychos owning something[s], it takes the apostrophe, but OUTSIDE the "s", m'kay? And you get a B+ for your very nice retelling of this episode; some nice analysis and interesting prediction, as well. Good work.
Posted by: Bobbie | December 7, 2005 4:07 AM(#14 of 35)
Edhill #8...
I'm sorry, I forgot about the reality of your life. I know watching DH/re-written Three's Company sketches is an escape for you, watch on baby!
And take a break from those bed hopping skanks!
KH
:)
Posted by: katieshole | December 7, 2005 4:38 AM(#15 of 35)
Courtney Love = greatest mom...love it!
Posted by: CaliGirlinGA | December 7, 2005 7:18 AM(#16 of 35)
Bobbie, I think I love you. Nothing is hotter than knowing how to grammaticize real proper like.
Posted by: realiTV fan | December 7, 2005 7:47 AM(#17 of 35)
Great recap... one thing you didn't mention when you talked about getting away with murder... evil gay Andrew pretty much got away with running down Carlos' mother... not that it was a bad thing.
Posted by: LensmanCT | December 7, 2005 11:51 AM(#18 of 35)
Bobbie, I'd be happy if Ed just learned how to use the spell checker :(
Posted by: LB | December 7, 2005 12:07 PM(#19 of 35)
I spelled cooter correctly. Thats all that really matters.
Posted by: EdHill![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.tvgasm.com/nav-commenters.gif)
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December 7, 2005 12:10 PM(#20 of 35)
Ha!
Great recap Ed, misspellings and all!
Posted by: TripleThreat | December 7, 2005 12:13 PM(#21 of 35)
C-O-O-T-E-R with the tip of your tongue on my...Oh, yes! That IS all that really matters...
Posted by: Bobbie | December 7, 2005 12:14 PM(#22 of 35)
Speaking of whores and cooters, is anyone at TVgasm going to review:
Gastineau Girls - Season 2?
That show is a major skankfest, it must be covered by TV Gasm! Edhill would do a lovely job and give the show the justice it so deserves....
KH
Posted by: katieshole | December 7, 2005 12:21 PM(#23 of 35)
So it looks like Sister Mary has replaced George as the annoying resident psycho who makes me not wanna watch.
As for Susan and the whore sign, here is a crazy idea-- why not leave the garage door OPEN til you are able to paint over it?
Posted by: carrie | December 7, 2005 12:27 PM(#24 of 35)
Carrie #24..
I agree. It would make sense wouldn't it?
And there could of been a wacky madcap scene with Susan open and closing the door, getting stuck in it, going up and down, getting her head banged, then Mike rescues her from her own clumsiness...now thats writing!
It would be a lot like a Lucy show episode I saw once...
KH
(thinking about changing my name to KatiesCooter...)
Posted by: katieshole | December 7, 2005 1:03 PM(#25 of 35)
I love how every time Betty Applewhite plays the piano it's always because of some sort of sneaky diversion. It's like "Oh god, lock up the good china, she's brought her sheet music over with her..."
Posted by: Lubin Odana | December 7, 2005 1:22 PM(#26 of 35)
I loved the "oh yeah, that's her handwriting (or penmanship or whatever he said". Of all the vandalzing with spray paint of I have done, I have never managed to get it neat enough to look like my own (horribly messy) handwriting. That lady must have been hittin up a lot of garage doors with the can if she can even get her penmanship right.
Posted by: Leah3t | December 7, 2005 3:27 PM(#27 of 35)
Outstanding recaps EdHill. Each one contains several laugh out loud lines. Though I am a bit concerned about the focus on the nun's cooter, though it would be easier if she was truly hot. Couldn't central casting do better for such a popular show. Maybe Natalie Portman can take over in an evil twin switch...
Posted by: Capitolhack | December 7, 2005 3:46 PM(#28 of 35)
two things:
One I am convinced the guy with the ball gag is the girl that got killed's father and his assistant is her brother. Why I think this is because of the time when the retarded brother referred to the dead girl as being "not nice' just a thought... stew away...
Second...there is so much suspended reality in this show sometimes I have to pretend I am new to planet earth, let alone the united states just to watch it...
Posted by: smithie | December 7, 2005 4:27 PM(#29 of 35)
Carrie #24 and KH #25-
I couldn't figure out why Susan was painting over the word in the rain. The morning she discovered the writing, it was sunny and clear. And since she doesn't have a 9 to 5 job, why didn't go get some paint and do it right away??? Made no sense to me at all...
But I still love the show and your recaps, Ed.
Posted by: volcat | December 7, 2005 5:26 PM(#30 of 35)
Great Recap Ed. Hilarious as usual.
Posted by: Vanessa | December 8, 2005 10:46 AM(#31 of 35)
Aussie cops bash you through a telephone book so as not to leave any marks.
Not like I'd know, first hand, tho...
Posted by: Donna Martin Graduates! | December 8, 2005 4:08 PM(#32 of 35)
This show has become absolutely unwatchable. I think that monkeys are doing the writing, after they've gotten stoned. Because of how much press it gets it's simply not enough for me to stop tuning in, though, so I suggest everyone in the world boycott it, so the tabloids will stop mentioning it and Teri Hatcher won't get invited to anymore awards shows.
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Posted by: zyban tablet | December 17, 2005 12:41 AM(#34 of 35)
I havent seen this episode. Does anyone know when a re-run of it will be on? Also is Bree's son REALLY gay? And what does Justin look like?!
Posted by: Metch | December 19, 2005 3:23 PM(#35 of 35)