Tell Me No Secrets.... - 
by EdHIll
Gabrielle then goes to the church to see Sister Mary, who is busy scrubbing the floors. She tells her that she is there to say goodbye. Mary says she knows that Gabriele had something to do with her being transferred and thinks she’s just there to gloat. Gabrielle tells her that she knows they have differences but didn’t want her to be shipped off to Alaska. Mary then accuses her of making this happen, which Gabrielle barely even tries to deny. Well before you know it we are treated to one of god’s greatest miracles. That’s right. Nun fight! Now this isn’t the awesome Cinemax version where the fight involves them knocking over a bottle of vegetable oil spilling all over their taut bodies and the fight eventually ends in a much more amicable situation. No, this is the Disney owned ABC nun fight, where Gabrielle even channels the spirit of Susan for a bit as they flop about fighting on the floor until the priest breaks it up.
The power of Christ complels her!
When Gabrielle gets home an angry Carlos confronts her about the fight. They argue about the baby issue. Gabrielle is pissed, and rightly so, that he is once again trying to blackmail her into having a baby. She wants to know that she is thee woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with " And not just some uterus in high heels". C’mon Gabrielle, you’re not just a uterus in high heels. You’re a really small vagina in high heels too!
Gabrielle tells Carlos that he has to choose. When he chooses Gabrielle, she then says she will have a baby with him. Yeah! All is well in the Solis household. And soon Carlos will have children he can beat!
And now we have Lynette. My least favorite of the housewives. She is up all night working on a sales pitch for the Blacks Frozen Yogurt campaign and cannot come up worth anything to show them. Tom then tries to help her out by throwing out some ideas of his own. It’s clear from the beginning that Tom sucks almost as much as Lynette does. “The fro yo that makes you go Whoa..� was his first attempt and it just goes downhill from there. When he throws out a throw away line about cows, she grabs onto it and comes up with a pitch about celebrity cows. Tom even suggests “Reverend Moo-ny�. Ah yes, nothing sells yogurt more than a right wing insane Korean who thinks he’s god. How about The Schiavo Slurpy? Gives you brain freeze! Hey I already made a joke about greased up nun, I might as well go for broke.
The next day she calls Tom to tell them that they all liked Lynette’s celebrity cow idea. Tom starts to think that it was his idea. So later that night when Lynette comes home, he suggests that he get interviewed for the new executive position. Lynette wants nothing to do with it.
Tom ignores what she says and instead shows up the next day using a fake name to interview for the job. Lynette again tells him that if she had to be his boss it would hurt their marriage. He them brings up what I have been wondering about for a while now. He talks about how he still resents Lynette for tanking his promotion at his last job. Finally they are going to mention this! In the interview, Tom does great even when Lynette tries to cut him off at the knees. It doesn’t work and Ed decides to hire him on the spot leaving Lynette in quite a predicament. She may be forced to actually have a husband who is happy.
When she comes home that night, she tells him that he got the job, on one condition. He cannot bring up her ruining his promotion again. “Never throw it in my face ever again. Because if you do you will unleash demons you do not want to meet�. And believe me, she’s serious. She murdered her son’s imaginary friend because she thought her son cared about her more than her, and got hooked on ADD medicine. She’s nuts. With that she also asks Tom to forgive her for ruining his career. Aww. See? She’s not that bad! She can even feel things like "guilt" if you really push her. But I’m sure this will all end in disaster in a few weeks anyway.
Next up is the lovable Susan. When we first see her she is being dropped of from a date with the handsome Dr. Ron. She tries to talk him into coming inside since Julie is away but he rebuffs her. She then asks him is he thinks she’s grotesque, since it’s now been 3 dates and him acting like a perfect gentlemen is getting old. That’s right. Susan is a 3 date slut. Figures. Ron says that because he’s still her doctor it’s not ethical for him to be humping her. But once he stops treating her, all bets are off. Let’s hope he’s not a plastic surgeon, because he would be “treating� her for the next 30 years.
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