The show opens with Susan and her ex-husband lawyer working on their insurance fraud scheme. Susan as you know has a…sigh, “wandering spleen�, and needs to have an operation but doesn’t have any insurance. Her ex-husband Karl agreed to marry her so she can have insurance for the operation and is setting up the pre-nup. Karl then asks her to get her wedding ring, which was Karl’s mother's ring. Susan, of course, doesn’t have it. She threw it out the window Bobbitt style back when Karl cheated on her. Karl won’t hear it so he makes her look for it with a metal detector. Susan fumbling with a metal detector, the writer’s idea of high comedy.

Over on the other side of town, which I think is named Wisteriaopolis or something, Bree is at a fancy Italian restaurant getting shit faced drunk and crying at the arias being sung by the waiter. Not exactly my idea of a Friday night. Well, the shit faced drunk part, sure, but not so much the Italian restaurant and crying part. OK, maybe the crying part, but definitely not the Italian restaurant part. When her waiter comes by and offers to order her a cab she reluctantly agrees, but not until asking for another bottle of Pinot Grigio. When the car goes to drop Bree off at home, she stumbles out of the car and then promptly falls on her face in the middle of the front lawn and passes out. The next morning Mrs. McClusky finds her spread eagled on the front lawn reeking of booze. She knocks on the door and tells Andrew, who thinks it’s hilarious. He says he can “take care of it� and sends Mrs. McClusky on her way. Then he turns on the sprinkler system to wake her up.

Mrs. McClusky then goes over to the Scavo’s to babysit the kids as both Lynette and Tom are being pulled into work on a Saturday. When Lynette sees this she freaks out and tells Tom that there is no way there are going to let her watch their kids. She is too old and they would kill her. She tells him that she will find someone herself.

At the Van De Kamp's Andrew is goading Bree about her hangover. Bree is denying it and saying that she had a ‘reaction� to her antihistamine medicine. The kids aren’t buying it, since they aren’t idiots. Well, maybe Danielle. When the door rings it's Lynette asking Bree if she can babysit their kids. I smell alcohol-fueled shenanigans in our future.

When the twins are making a racket with their toys Bree tells them to please be quiet because she has a special “grown up� headache. They keep making a racket so Bree decides to take the edge off with a giant glass of wine (using the same etched crystal wine glass she’s been using all season that bothers me for some reason). Which leads to a few more and a few more. She eventually passes out on the couch with the baby in her arms. How very Pamela Lee of her. The twins try to wake her but when she doesn’t budge they take the baby, put him in the stroller and walk off into the sunset. Bree then wakes up and when she can’t find the kids runs frantically into the street yelling for them. She stops by Mrs. McClusky’s asking her if she’s seen the kids because she “has something to tell them� but Mrs. McClusky says she hasn’t.

Back at the ad agency the Scavos are working hard on whatever it is they do until Lynette gets a call from a woman in a salon in downtown Wisteriaopolis saying that she has their kids. They both frantically rush down to get them. When the woman dares to criticize the fact that their kids were wandering the streets Lynette gets pissy and is offended that the woman is judging them. Former junkies have quite the temper, I guess. It’s kinda like if you call Courtney Love a bad mother she unleashes a drug fueled tirade of F-bombs in your direction. Tom stops her before she gets into too much trouble reminding her that the kids walked three miles and they don’t have a leg to stand on. When they get back home Bree races across the street telling Lynette how sorry she is. She says she must have been busy in the kitchen and didn’t hear them leaving. When the kids say that she was sleeping, Lynette grounds them for a week. Way to go, ex-junkie. Punish children for telling the truth. These kids would be better off at Paul’s house. Oh wait, he’s the cold blooded killer. Maybe over at Mike Delfino’s house? No wait he’s an ex-con who’s got a mob boss after him because he didn’t kill Paul as ordered. OK, how about Susan? Nope, she’s too busy committing insurance fraud. Same with Karl. Hmmmm. The Solis'? Well, Carlos is on parole for gay bashing and corporate theft. Wow. This show really is something else isn’t it?

Posted by EdHIll on February 24, 2006 4:02 PM