We get treated to another flashback, and sigh, there’s Rex again. This time we catch the Van DeCamps in the drugstore, picking up Rex’s prescription from George the Terrorist Pharmacist. They are also buying Danielle some hair dye because 5 years ago she made the mistake of expressing herself through a unique hair color, thus incurring the wrath of KimberBree. I don’t know how I felt about these two scenes depicting Bree as this Mommie Dearest. I just don’t think they ring all that true. I don’t know…

The next thing you know it’s the present day and Bree is all tied up in her hospital bed for being a VERY naughty girl.

“You had a bad day…”

There’s an orderly in the room with her trying to clean up, and she’s trying to convince him that the restraints are only because of her habit of sleepwalking and that it wouldn’t be a big deal to let her go. The orderly explains to her that he wasn’t born yesterday and that he’s enjoying every minute of her squirming misfortune. Apparently someone was NOT very popular in high school. As far as I’m concerned, she should just be grateful that he’s not in their rubbing up against her and licking her face like the orderly in Terminator 2.

Meanwhile, Carl has decided to grab his penis pump and kidnap his girls by driving their “home” over to the site of the house that he bought them. Take that Mike Define! Susan is freaked out at first, but Julie loves it, and since Susan has been seriously scarring Julie for the past few weeks, she decides to accept.

Mike Delfino’s next scene is sponsored by Nissan, and we know because as he’s washing his truck we practically get smacked in the face with the emblem. He spots Susan and Danielle across the street packing up their trailer, and he finds out they are moving. Carl feels confident about his cock size because not only does he drive a Ferarri, he’s bought his ex-wife a house, and a house is way bigger than a ring. Carl and Mike then get into a fight, during which Mike blurts out that he had gotten Susan a ring. Gauntlets have been thrown, and now Susan is going to have to make a decision: Whose penis is bigger?

Susan heads on over to Mike’s to talk about that little wedding ring he mentioned. Mike, however, is more concerned about the pain in his tooth from the fight that he and Carl got into. She tells him to go see Orson, her friend the Dentist, and he gladly accepts. They pause, they flirt, she leans in, he leans out, and it’s all very cutesy. And I could hardly care less.

Taking Susan up on her offer, Mike goes to Dr. Orson, DDS for some work on his teeth. They make a little friendly we-both-want-to-screw-Susan small talk before Orson asks Mike if he’s ever been in jail. Mike is caught off guard because he didn’t realize that you could tell such a thing by looking at dental records. Orson tells Mike that he used to be a jailhouse dentist (insert prison joke here), and even did some experiments on some of the inmates. Why Orson would tell Mike this is beyond me, but I’m at least moderately intrigued. Mike asks him if he was ever one of Orson’s guinea pigs because he did look a bit familiar. Orson says that’s ridiculous, he only worked in Virginia as a dentanalrapist. Mike astutely notes that his diploma is from Minnesota, and Orson swats that nugget away by claiming he is licensed in three states. Alright, Kyle/Orson/Trey I’m listening…

Back at the trailer, Julie is again placating her mother while Susan is putting the finishing touches on the Meyer family descent into white trash-dom: Christmas lights on the trailer. Apparently, Susan has left an invitation and a map to her G-Spot for Mike so she can propose to him Whatever, Susan. Lorelai did that to Luke last year. As Susan is stalking Mike through the window of the RV, she notices that he’s seen the invitation and is accepting! Now all she needs to do is shave her legs, and inflate her breasts and she’s ready to go!

Susan later finally tells Carl that she can’t take the house, his penis is smaller, and she wants a divorce so she can propose to Mike.

Elsewhere, Matthew and Danielle are hiding in some seedy motel where Danielle complains about the conditions of their getaway. She explains to him that she gets very bitchy if she doesn’t get fed, but also warns him NOT to feed her after midnight. Matthew informs Gizmo that they don’t have any money; so food isn’t really an option. Apparently, Danielle thought assault and battery and being on the lam would be more like the movie Troop Beverly Hills, and she’s starting to get a little disenchanted with the whole thing. She wants food, she wants money, and she wants Shelley Long. And she wants them now!

Posted by on May 23, 2006 6:25 PM