Susan, always kind of slow on the uptake, sees that people are starting to run out of the parking lot in a panic. You don't have to be that mutant from Blue's Clues to piece together the fact that something is up in the Market. Susan's final clue is that the stock guy has been shot, so she runs to the store doors and sees Carolyn, which she takes as a relief. "Carolyn open up my daughter's inside. There's a crazy woman in there!" It then becomes abundantly clear to Susan that Carolyn knows all about the crazy woman.

Mrs. McClusky, thank God I get my weekly fix, goes to Gabby and Carlos' house to tell them about the Hostage situation and the resulting cocktail party that Bree is hosting in honor of it. But when Gabby opens the door she is a wreck, as is the house, and Carlos is wielding a chainsaw.

At the Hodges, there are hors d'oevres, coffee's on its way, and Bree is officially an even better host then Carolyn is a hijacker. You win again, Bree.

At the Market, Carolyn is giving her side of the story. He didn't only betray her ("With a Stewardess named Monique! How cliché is that?"), but he embarrassed her. She keeps getting interrupted by these pesky police officers trying to negotiate a release, and it's really getting on her nerves. Finally she picks up the phone to yell at the cops, but it's just her buddy Tish. It's hysterical as they she starts making excuse for standing Tish up. Laurie Metcalf just needs to get whatever kind of Emmy they can throw at her for this role.

Meanwhile, Austin is just chilling not at all worried about the crazy lady with the gun in his face. Julie can't believe that he's so calm, but I suppose she didn't really Chapter 12 of the Bad Boy Handbook entitled: Bad Boys in a Hostage Situation: Nerves Are For Pussies. Austin knows he's not going to die today and neither is Julie. Well, duh. They wouldn't start your whole misbegotten Romeo & Juliet story arc if they were just going to kill you midway through it. Unfortunately.

Susan has decided to approach the cops on scene about trading places with her daughter in the store. "Oh you mean our hostage exchange program," one of the officers glibly inquires. Hmm, wouldn't they be, I don't know, a little nicer to the mother of one of the hostage victims? Just a thought...

Susan never to take no for an answer, even when we are begging her to please, oh for the love of all that is holy please stop, decides to take matters into her own, very skeletal hands. She grabs a bullhorn from a cop car, and makes a plea with Carolyn to let Julie go and take Susan in her place, that is actually quite amusing.

Back at Bree's, the party (Carlos & Gabby are now in attendance) is raging on, until the reporter on television announces that the person holding everyone hostage is Carolyn Bigsby. Bree immediately starts to feel guilt about the zinger she threw at Carolyn earlier today about her husband's affair. To make matters worse, Edie callsthe house and tells Andrew that she, Julie and Lyentte are also in the store. Everyone is shocked and incredibly upset by this news. Way to harsh the party's buzz Andrew! Just then Tom shows up with his brood, asking for Bree to baby sit, unaware of what's going on at Fields Market.

What I don't get, however, is why wouldn't they all assume that there were people they knew in the store in the first place. I mean, at this random moment in time no less the five people from the block are in there, and it's obviously close enough that Julie could walk there. The minute you heard about the stick-up wouldn't you assume some people you at least casually knew were in there?

Bree is a mess and the only thing that can help her through this is making some bruschetta. I know that I always calm myself down with a nice Italian appetizer. She's blaming herself for sending Carolyn over the deep end, which is actually quite accurate. If for once she had been the bigger person, none of this would be happening. That is why tonight, Bree Van De Hodge gets this week's Paper Plate Award for biggest Asshole on Wisteria Lane.

Carolyn is boozing on some cheap wine and breaking her diet with a cookie. Inside the office, Harv is on the phone with the police who suggest he get on the intercom to try to calm Carolyn down and get her to release the kids and old people. Harv does so, but he only accomplishes getting Carolyn more and more annoyed, especially when he doesn't notice her new haircut. But what really sends her through the roof is hearing Edie's voice in the background. "She's another one of your whores," Carolyn exclaims. But how wrong Caolyn is; Edie isn't one of Harvey's whores, she just a general whore. There? That make it better, Carolyn?

Posted by Umnata on November 8, 2006 10:56 AM