Aquaman vs. Spider-Man - 
by Umnata
This week's Entourage gave us a front row seat into the messy world of box office numbers. It's become a sport recently to predict how movies will do on their opening weekend. It's also become something of a precursor to the fate of a film and/or box office star. So you can see why Ari hasn't unleashed the Gold-Member on Mrs. Ari in a few weeks due to superstition. This is a big day for him, The Ari Gold Super Duper Talent Agency (maybe if I keep calling it that, the Entourage guys will change the name?) and the usually aloof Vince, who much like the Chenbot has become self-aware. The normally vacant prettyboy starts off typically lax about the impending box office numbers, but once Turtle mentions that eight-legged freak Tobey Maguire and Spider-Man's record breaking holy grail opening weekend, Vince turns all green eyed monster. No not the Hulk, you comic nerds (or is that just me) he gets supremely jealous over Tobey's big, umm, numbers. Will Vinnie trump Tobey? Could Aquaman take on Spider-man? Will Mrs. Ari and little Ari ever meet FACE to VAG again? The answers to these questions and MORE coming up!
I hate getting woken up by the telephone, and I think I'd hate it even more if I was woken up by Ari Gold. I can't imagine that his is the first voice anyone wants to hear in the morning, especially E. Ari's in bed so he wants E to talk dirty to him. Shudder...
Ari is explaining to Eric the importance of today. Today, Aquaman opens and the magic opening number goal is... $95 million. WOW. That's a pretty big prediction. Just to let you know how big, theoretically if the fictional Aquaman did open to $95 million it would be the sixth biggest opening of all-time (after Spider-Man, Star Wars: Episode III - The Revenge of the Sith, Shrek 2, X-Men: The Last Stand and Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire). Those are some pretty big fins to fill. Eric feigns interest and heads back to bed, but Ari is ready for his day, after denying his wife sex on game day. It might be opening day, but Ari tells Mrs. Ari to keep her legs shut. Once the movie opens he'll unleash his pent-up Jewish fury on her, he promises. Mrs. Ari, never missing an opportunity to rip off her husband's balls, asks what if the movie doesn't open? Ari doesn't appreciate the lack of support and storms off into the bathroom. Jeez, let's hope this movie does open; I can't imagine what Mrs. Ari would be like not getting the one thing out of Ari that she actually likes.
At the boys' house, chef Johnny Drama is making Vince the least manly breakfast ever: 3 soft boiled eggs, boiled chicken, wheat toast and jam. He also gives him some orange juice so he can wash down his mydol and birth control pill. What did I have for breakfast? I went outside and killed a deer with my bare hands and ate its meat without cooking it. Why do you ask? Regardless, Drama makes this light breakfast for Vince promising that it won't upset his stomach. But Vince, being ever the cool cat, says he's not stressed about the day. Drama laughs it off and tells him that even if he doesn't realize it, he is stressed.
Vince wanted to go see his new flick at an out of the way place, and Turtle walks in to tell him that there is a 2:30 pm showing of Aquaman in the valley, much to Drama's dismay. It's going to get to about 100 degrees in the city, and will be even hotter in the nether regions of the Valley. I'm an east coast man myself, so I don't know much about this "Valley" they speak of, but in my mind it's the equivalent of say, Staten Island, and if that's the case, I see Drama's concern. Drama explains to Vince that he only goes to the Valley for work reasons or from November through March, which is more than I can say for my relationship with Staten Island, which is only meant to be driven through not to. It's then Turtle's turn to grill Vince about his feelings on the weekend's opening numbers. Eric tells Turtle to stop stressing Vince out and once again Vince promises that he isn't stressed. Vince KNOWS that they are going to open well so he doesn't need to worry himself, but with Turtle's nudging he decides to forecast $50 million (which, let's be honest here, is a much more realistic box office gross). Vince is very pleased with his figure, until Eric tells him that if all they gross is $50 million over the first weekend, they can join Aquaman at the bottom of the ocean. He tells Vince the studio's projection (big mistake E), and Turtle laughs it off, predicting that they'll make $1 more that Spider-man to become the highest grossing opening of all-time. Drama shockingly is the voice of reason, saying that Turtle's numbers are impossible, because Spider-man had a much bigger fan base to begin with. This doesn't deter Vince from toying with the idea and proclaiming: Presents for everyone if Aqua beats Spidey!
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